Memory issues.

[katullus.livejournal.com]

Issue- problems with short term memory loss by fronter Katscratch.

It seems like, ever since there has been conflict between myself and the others about how many of us there were, I've been losing access to memories- not only the long term ones. I don't really need those, and it seems like each of us has claimed access and ownership of certain sections of my life, which is okay with me. For example, right after my mother died, apparently I was sent to be schooled by our pastor's wife for a vey long time, but I don't remember any of it until after I got sick with an ovarian cyst. Those belong to Kittie- everything she tells me sounds awful and I get flashes of it that just make me sick- but nevermind that, all that can be explained. What gets me is that my short term memory is just going Dory more and more often lately.

I feel like my ability to be sharp and quick and cunning, to keep track of everything that ever happens to me, to participate in communication and engage in general cognition of any kind, is getting pulled away from me. The most intelligent of us now, I hate to admit, is Lady Felinus. I don't hate to admit it so much because she has a bad attitude but for a rather selfish reason. I'm used to being the one in control. I like being able to sort of dictate what goes on, because I'd like to think I'm a pretty darned good person and have the best intentions, even if I am human and my intentions sometimes go awry. I at least know everything I'm up to!

And maybe it's just because she's always been smart and I'm just getting dumber and dumber, if that's possible, but I can't help but think she's taking over my higher brain functions and leaving me with less and less resources. The idea of it scares the hell out of me. But I don't see why she'd do that. Or maybe I do. I don't know anymore. I've done her awful, guys, and I'm the first to admit it- but I don't like the feeling of being slower than everyone else. I'm used to being brighter, quicker, the first one to laugh, to get it, the instigator of philosophical and scientific debates- now I can barely hold my own in things like that. I feel like if I had my memory, my short term, I'd be alright. I think if she took over, we might be more efficient, but she'd be taking advantage of everyone else's resources to get her own way, which starkly contrast my ways- but then, maybe that's what I as core and fronter did all these years myself. Maybe it would be best...

Anyway, back to the crux of the matter- is short term memory loss an issue with most of you guys as opposed to the usually associated long term?

Comments

[katullus.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that was the conclusion we came to, many an age ago. At least, it was the one I came to. I don't know about her. I've changed so much for her- I've apologized, publicly admitted I was wrong, given her space, tried accepting or bargaining with her, and I can't bloody tell WHAT she plans on doing with everything I've given her because I haven't heard her speak to me in weeks. She tends to go real quiet like this when she's planning something and doesn't want to let me in on it. But I'm increasingly of the feeling that she's not accepting my apology. I think she's hanging on to that grudge. And there's nothing more I can do to change that.

[seven-and-rain.livejournal.com]

Short-term memory? What's that?

None of us is too great with short-term memory, but it's not usually 'owned' by any one of us. We've pretty much always been this way, though. We try to keep lists and notes to remind ourselves of stuff.

- Es

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

It's the opposite for me. I remember recent things, but I don't know if I have a past or not.

-Butterfly

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Our memory and cognitive problems, when we have them, have little or nothing to do with being multiple. What you sound like you're going through is a variety of what happens to us on not enough sleep and way too much stress. People in our group tend to think slowly but have excellent memories -- when this goes off, we know something is wrong. Age and stress are the two main things.

It is really important to be sure you're getting enough sleep. If you're on medication this can also screw up memory and cognitive ability/speed. Vitamins might be helpful. Also you might add ginkgo, ginseng, and omega-3's to your daily intake -- there is a book out called Prescription for Nutritional Healing that might be useful, see if your library has it. Drink plenty of water.

Conflict in-group can also cause stress -- if you and Lady Felinus can sit down and work something out, maybe with a third party from your group helping to mediate, it would not only benefit you and her but everybody there.

[weirdiguess.livejournal.com]

We get some fuzzing from having different people around, but that pretty much goes with the territory. Most of our memory problem is a body thing. We have to cope with a real bad short term memory here. That's just how it is for us.

[forever-alone.livejournal.com]

I can't speak for the others on this, but as for myself, I've got bad memory problems of both short and long term varieties. In addition to being multiple and the blurring in/out of memories associated with that, I'm also very dissociative myself, so I tend to 'lose' memories that I previously had. Sometimes something can cue me into remembering those things again, but then I usually forget them again.

This is why I took to writing things down in a fairly obsessive manner for a few years. Even now I go back and read old journal entries/notes from years ago or even a few days ago, and I won't hardly remember experiencing those things, or even writing about it. But it's helpful to have a log of it somewhere.

[katullus.livejournal.com]

You described EXACTLY what I'm going through! I've been keeping a notebook everywhere I go so when I think of something clever or something fun happens or I see something that interests me, I won't forget it two minutes later, which is indelibly what happens lately. The most painful thing is that I KNOW I'm an intelligent creature, and I've got the I.Q. test, grades, etc. to back that up, but increasingly, I can't use the intelligence I have anymore- my bad memory makes up for my highly functioning brain and levels me out to what feels like (to make a mockery of the I.Q. point system) about twenty Social I.Q. points below everyone else. The amusing thing is not completely related to the notebook, but definitely related to the concept that I feel more intelligent when I'm writing than when I have to verbally communicate, is that I've become obsessed with writing myself- so obsessed that I tend to wake up three hours early in the morning to write and have missed the bus twice (or was it three times?) because I became so drawn into it that I lost track of the time.

The scariest thing is reading something I wrote yesterday and not remembering writing it. Sometimes (which is something I'm used to, it having happened a few times over the past couple years) it's just something one of the other members of the system wrote. When it's scary is when I can tell it's something I wrote and none of the others can really take responsibility for it. This is what leads me to believe that what everyone else here has said is true- that it's almost entirely unrelated to multiplicity, and if it is, in a minimal way, i.e., conflict causing stress, which is something that can cause stress between anybody. My doctor recently recommended some sort of herbal supplements for my bad memory- I should really look into that. *scribbles a note * Don't you just love Post-its?