dunno what to title this, question?

[anhedonicjester.livejournal.com]

have any of you ever had different of your inner selves/multiples/members? fall in love with different individuals "on the outside" (im havent quite learned the language of multiplicity yet so forgive me if i use the incorrect terms)

im not sure if that made sense
like if in me there Sarah Rachel and Kristen and both sarah and kristen develop relationships with two different singletons... has anyone had that happened? if so what did you do?


does this make sense at all?

Comments

[weirdiguess.livejournal.com]

It's happened here. If the first person they're with is monogamous, just got to work something out. Could be leaving them, could be staying with them, could be being allowed to have some other relationships. The girls prefer the polyamorous way of things. If they like different people, so long as it's what they want, they try to balance seeing both of them.

[anhedonicjester.livejournal.com]

i see

what about marriage? would you just agree with your respective partners that marriage, at least the "legal" sort thats recognized by the state or whatever it does, isnt an option?

heh, individual relationships are complicated enough
sometimes makes me glad ive never been in one nor will likely ever have one

[weirdiguess.livejournal.com]

Chances are we'd make a decision on someone to marry. You get some legal benefits from that you wouldn't get otherwise, which gets pretty important if you're getting older or there's kids involved. Hell even if one of you gets sick or has an accident.

From what I can gather, the thing with a lot of poly relationships is people have usually talked through 'jealousy' stuff so much that they don't really feel threatened by that sort of thing. Least that's the idea. It's just a piece of paper, doesn't reflect who loves who more.

[anhedonicjester.livejournal.com]

thank you, that answered my question perfectly. thanks for putting up with the interrogation :)

[linnai.livejournal.com]

I am married to a very wonderful woman in another system, that several of us as individuals are also involved in, but my sister, Shih, is in a relationship with a single male on the outside. It does happen :)

[ricktboy.livejournal.com]

we are of the devout belief that each packmate here should live their own life, and that includes romantically. Rick's married to a singlemind outside of the body, and luckily, he feels the same way. Faith and Tara are married to each other on the inside, but they're polyamorous, and have both had outside relationships in the past. Liz has just met a wonderful couple in another system, and Wolf has a boyfriend in yet another.

does this answer your question?

Pack Collective

[anhedonicjester.livejournal.com]

yes it does, quite well thank you. if i may venture one more, that you sparked inyour reply how does ricks spouse feel about the others in his body having other relationships?

sorry i ask so many questions

until relatively recently i havent really interacted with many others. really only one or two people, so im sort of making up for lost time i guess. my social skills have atrophied since i began isolating so much, so questions are really my default format for interacting, at least as of now.

haha yeah... random information

thank you again for your reply

[ricktboy.livejournal.com]

Jaysun believes the pack should live their individual lives as well...he's come to love all of the pack, but not all romantically, and doesn't wish to deny any of the pack the chance for romantic happiness.

Rick and Jaysun are also polyamorous, so do not feel threatened in either direction...

[our-menagerie.livejournal.com]

We are involved with another multiple system, and they also have another partner whom they live with. All 3 bodys are lesbian and marriage isnt really an issue for us. Several of us have different partners in the other multiple system. A few here who are single have considered wanting someone but the relationships are complicated enough as it is and it would be difficult at best to involve any more bodys lol.

[shandra.livejournal.com]

Yes. And we've been married almost 13 years; with our OSOs for 5, and have had other loves too. I & others in my system wrote up some stuff about it here:

http://www.multiplicity.ca/blog/?p=66 (http://www.multiplicity.ca/blog/?p=66)

http://www.multiplicity.ca/blog/?p=67 (http://www.multiplicity.ca/blog/?p=67)

http://www.multiplicity.ca/blog/?p=68 (http://www.multiplicity.ca/blog/?p=68)

http://www.multiplicity.ca/blog/?p=70 (http://www.multiplicity.ca/blog/?p=70)

We're wordy but that's how we handled it, at least how we have so far. Still works ok; I wouldn't call it ideal.

[anhedonicjester.livejournal.com]

thank you for your answer, and the links they have helped me to understand a little more :)

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

Falling in love and actually doing something about it are two different things. *wink*

[20splinters.livejournal.com]

I gotta fully agree with that! One of the boys in here had (has?) a severe crush on a female friend, but she's not into it. She took it well, was even flattered, when we told her, but made it clear that it was NOT gonna happen! (So he just kind of sits back and watches her and "drools" any time we hang out with her.)

Joey

[terendel.livejournal.com]

Oh God does that resonate with me. I have a very severe crush on one of Juli's male friends. But she is married, and it ain't gonna happen. He doesn't like me that way (even though the shell is female, and it's technically feasible). And Juli's husband is not into polyamorous, so I look on, watch and drool.

Richard

[makhsihed.livejournal.com]

I'm engaged to three people in one system. One of those three people is also dating a girl (who I'm dating as well; we're polyamorous, which makes it easier). A fourth person in their system is dating another girl.

We don't know if we're ever going to get formally/legally married. Handfasted, probably - a ceremonial recognition of commitment that isn't legally binding - but we're not certain about anything more than that, since we're polyamorous, they're a multiple system, and legal marriage complicates matters with other relationships.

If you need to explain it to others and you're not "out" as multiple, just say you're polyamorous. Open to multiple relationships. It also helps if your headmates' SOs are all polyamorous as well, or at the very least very accepting/understanding of everyone's individuality (and thus the right of other system members to date different outside-people if they wish).

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

I've always wondered what that would be like too! :> It would be neat to go out with someone the same age as me. or close to the same age. I mean aside from people that I share a body with. You know what I mean. =^..^=
LeAnne
The Clique

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

DORK

*LiSa*

[crystalseraph.livejournal.com]

Haven't had any positive experiences with that here, yet, and I don't really see how it would work.

Shad here has a wife on the inside, who is a lady I don't know and who isn't in any way connected to me, but that's the extent of it XD

[phen0type.livejournal.com]

One of the men in our system was involved in an external relationship which turned out not to go all that well, but I do not think that it was because it was external - it was owing to personality dynamics and misundertandings that I shan't divulge in a public forum.

Richard of Fen Group

It makes plenty of sense.

[katullus.livejournal.com]

Currently, Katscratch is interested in a singelton named Alex, I am (vaguely but not very) interested in a girl named Samantha, Kacharkau is interested in a girl named Celeste (though I speak for him when I say it's purely for the sex), and the last time I heard from her, Lady Felinus was interested in a person named Kevin (the reasoning being a strong suspicion that he is a fellow multiple and that at least one of his alternates a very powerful being.) All of us, you see, have different interests and motivations, and reconciling them is proving a mammoth task. I wish you the best of luck- I have no advice for you.

Katullus Lexus of The Legion K

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

as others have said.. we're polyamorous.. we tried only being with one person on the outside.. well Brighid tried.. but it didn't work out that way.. She's still legally married to him, but he's ok with others of us pursuing our own relationships..
Brighid has her husband
Micah and Gabe have their wife in another household.
Valerian House, a group of people inside, has their Sir and Ma'am outside.
Rain has his boyfriend outside
those are the primary ones.. there are other relationships.. and yeah.. it can get rather hectic, but we wouldn't have it any other way.

[teh-kerry.livejournal.com]

Kerry and the original of another system were together before either of them admitted they were multiple, and so most of us kind of followed suit. I'm married to a guy in the other system, Kelly is engaged to a girl in the other system, Matt is engaged to a different girl in the other system, Quarra is engaged to a different guy in that system, Jed is engaged to a different girl in that system... there are quite a lot of different relationships (both romantic and family) and friendships going on.

A while ago, Kerry (who was a typical hormonal teenager...) had several partners in that system, but that didn't work out so well. She's nowhere near old enough to get married anyway.

If we ever get married on the outside, with the body, it'd have to be on the understanding that current relationships don't get split up, or it'd have to be to the external body of the system all our partners are in, which would probably work best. There's no way that I'd ever give up my marriage just because somebody else liked someone in a different body, and a lot of other people feel the same way.

Lynn x (sorry, I ramble...)

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

There are no correct terms, use what you're comfortable with, you're fine. :)

[cross-clan.livejournal.com]

I too am married to some one in another system, And there are those who pursue other relationships in both systems.

[flamingmuffins.livejournal.com]

Yes, that makes sense. There's no right or wrong way to put it, but I understand.

This has happened to me, personally, before. My Murdoc soulbond had fallen in love with another person, whom is a singlet. Of course, she lives in Canada and I'm in the US, so it was an internet relationship, but it didn't stop either of them. After a while things stopped working out so they ended up breaking up, but that's just personal experience.

Along with that, my soulbonds have fallen in love with soulbonds in other 'systems', if you want to call it that, too. I've experienced most of what you're asking about, I'm just not very good at explaining. ^^;

Basically, if your soulbond loves another person, weither their multiple, meadian, or singlet, talk to them about it. See what happens and take it from there. I, and my soulbonds have no problem with such a thing, if it helps you feel better. It all depends on the exact case, really. I don't know if this helped, but I tried. I'm here if you want to talk personally, because I don't want to give you advice and let things end up badly, because I don't know exactly what your case is. So it all depends on what works for you. :3