Dealing with distrust

[liferain.livejournal.com]

I'm not really sure why I'm posting this.. Perhaps as a way to get it off my chest.

Today I had my first encounter with a "skeptic," and even though it was on the Internet (on LJ in fact), I still care deeply about what people think of me. In this case, someone had asked a question about "imaginary friends" and I stated that the only thing close to it that I ever had was Vi (though she's not imaginary, obviously) and my psychosis-related hallucinations. Someone jumped in and asked if Vi was my only "alter," to which I said yes, and they replied with: "Your only alter huh? Not only is DID exceedingly rare, it's unheard of to only have one alter. And there are no hallucinations to it. Do some more research next time you feign illness for the internet attention."

I must say that I was shaken by that. Something that is a major part of my life, and someone doesn't trust my integrity? I replied that I don't have a diagnosis of DID/MPD, and that Vi is possibly more related to my psychosis, and that person hasn't responded yet. But, even so, I am still shaken. Am I going to have to keep Vi a secret (which I have done enough of) from the world to avoid getting my feelings hurt? How do I deal with this, when I care so much about what people think of me?



(Sorry to dump this on you all, but I figured it'd be the best place for it)

Comments

[eridanusus.livejournal.com]

I've heard people claim that alters only come in pairs, eg the evil one and good one. It's as ludicrous and ridiculous as it sounds.

[liferain.livejournal.com]

That's pretty silly; I must say that I got a mental image of the shoulder devil and the shoulder angel when I read that.

I've seen people with anywhere from 1 - 20 alters, I don't see how the amount of them can be limited to one thing...

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

What forum was this on? In a lot of places on the internet, everyone's a psychology expert because their mother's cousin's father's dog's former owner's hairdresser knew someone who had it, or because they watched the "MPD" episodes of "Melrose Place" or whatever. The whiny bitchy carping little shits aren't much affected by facts or logic, so it's best to leave them alone to masturbate with their Psych 101 textbooks and hope they get a paper cut or something.

~Y. (no, I'm not feeling very patient today. Why do you ask.)

[liferain.livejournal.com]

It came from here (http://community.livejournal.com/thequestionclub/18809753.html?thread=366402201#t366402201).
Your comment amused me a bit, because that is exactly the way people are; "I heard this and that, and read that, so this is wrong!" It did bring some light to the situation, definitely.

I suppose it's up to be to learn to care less about what they think, but that's easier said than done.

[forever-alone.livejournal.com]

Lol! Thank you for articulating exactly what I've been trying to say for years. Mind if I copy/paste that into my journal?

[nat-leia.livejournal.com]

Plus you are the one to know the best what part of life is Vi related to or not, not them.

Maybe said skeptic could take few lessons of etiquette, it can't harm them.

[liferain.livejournal.com]

Thank you.
I agree about etiquette lessons. Not everyone on the Internet is some lying attention-sucker.

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that happened. It hurts when people say things like that. :( Hugs for you.

-Butterfly

[liferain.livejournal.com]

Thank you.
It does indeed hurt; I wish it didn't, but it does.

[netdancer.livejournal.com]

People like that is why Kiril has a T-shirt that it wears inside on Protecter Duty that says: "Kiss the ass of an Aardvark."

Which is pretty much what it says to anyone who tells us that we know less then they do about what's inside our own skull.

I shouldn't be as amused as I am by that shirt. :)

[liferain.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's awesome.
I totally need to find something like that. ;)

[etcetera-minis.livejournal.com]

It's annoying when people act like they know best when they really haven't got a clue. We have a similar problem with a girl at school who's convinced we're not real at all, and keeps giving us hell about it, when she doesn't have any idea what it's like to live with it.

We try to keep the multiplicity a secret because of this, but out closest friends know, and we feel that's enough people who need to know for now. When said friends are around though, we'll talk about it quite happily and not care what others think.

That probably hasn't got you anywhere... it's just what we do.

*more hugs from us*

-=Bronwyn=-

[liferain.livejournal.com]

Thank you.
I have kept Vi a secret for a long time, and I semi-recently decided to stop that, because she wants to be known. Unfortunately, I suppose ignorance comes hand-in-hand with it and it's something I have to learn to deal with. But it will still probably shake me as much as it did today. I'm glad that I found this community, since everyone here understands what it's like more than anyone else could. :)

my 2 cents

[our-menagerie.livejournal.com]

Considering the content of that person's lj from what I could see, all I can say is dont feed the troll.

Am I going to have to keep Vi a secret (which I have done enough of) from the world to avoid getting my feelings hurt?

Yes and no...I know thats not a good answer but its pretty much what we have had to live with. Every time we tell someone we are multiple we risk the chance of their ignorance or rejection. In fact last night someone Ive known for a long time implied that we couldnt be for real if we can share memories with each other. Most people online know us as a multiple system but that doesnt mean everyone believes us, and hard as we try to be prepared for any reaction, sometimes we still get our feelings hurt.

Re: my 2 cents

[liferain.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the input. :)
I haven't kept Vi known to the world long, so I suppose I took this situation especially hard.
I guess that, in the future, I can work on being more prepared for it!

[forever-alone.livejournal.com]

We've seen people say some pretty ridiculous things, mostly in order to make themselves look smart. We've been told that if we can communicate with each other, we're not multiple. If we're not diagnosed, we're not multiple. Hell, even if we ARE diagnosed we're usually told we're not multiple because we don't do (fill in the blank.)

My advice is to pick your battles, and thicken your skin a little. That sounds harsh but I don't mean it to sound that way. What I mean is that there are some people who will never believe you, and you have to think whether or not it really matters. Only you can ever know what you're going through. I used to get really upset when someone told me I'm not real because I don't fit into psychology's narrow definition of what I should be, but over the years I learned that as long as I believe I'm real, that's all it takes to make me real.

V2

Fuck em! People on the internet don't know you or Vi better than you know yourselves. --cherry

[liferain.livejournal.com]

Thank you; you're right, I do need to toughen up a bit. :)
This "sharing with the world" thing is new to me.

[ricktboy.livejournal.com]

keeping vi a secret is ultimately the descision only the two of you will be able to make.

We choose open and honesty, because our system policy is everyone's allowed to live their own life.

not for everyone though, and we're aware of that.

Rick
Pack Collective

Phooey on them!

[liedownlovely.livejournal.com]

Every system I know has run into people who don't believe them.....your not alone. It hurts alot but there's not much you can do except smile and move on. If I were you (and Vi!!) I'd only tell people I trust and think will understand. Internet strangers of any kind aren't worth the trouble. :( They're either ignorant or don't care.

Try not to take it personally. I think you did really well in responding to that comment!! I would have been very upset and ruder than that..... *Hugs*

-Kevin

[futarinohimitsu.livejournal.com]

What is reason for caring?

[liferain.livejournal.com]

It's just how I am.

[hydra-system.livejournal.com]

We know what it's like to be on the other end of harsh words from a skeptic. It hurts. I'm sorry you had to deal with such an ass. Our advice to you, however, is that it's best to leave this fellow be. Let him think he's a smart guy who has foiled someone's attempt at feigning mental illness. The good point of this ordeal is that you do not know them in person and you will most likely never have to deal with them ever again.
As for keeping Vi secret, we cannot say what is best for the two of you. In our case, we chose to be more secretive after our run in with a skeptic. This isn't to say we are completely closeted. We pick and choose who we tell. And so far, we haven't had an major problems. We do find it best not to tell those we do not trust about us, and for this reason we are relatively quiet on the internet. This is the only place we talk openly.

[20splinters.livejournal.com]

Recto-cranial inversion. With so many out there affected, you'd think there'd be a medical treatment for it!

I'm gonna join that community. When I can't sleep, there's nothing better than ripping some idiot a new one and thoroughly burning him inside and out.

There is a cure for stupidity, but too many do not recognize that they have the disease.

Joey

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

Eh, like we said to ricktboy, you can try it if you want, but I'd personally suggest sticking to giving facts rather than flaming. Yeah, it can be fun to get involved in a pitched battle, but what kind of impression does it give bystanders of us?

(Well, unless you meant "ripping him a new one" in the sense of "giving him enough facts to show him just how wrong he is.")

-Lilac

[twopartsme.livejournal.com]

I was a singlet until Mr One And Only walked in and helped himself to half of my life. He's one and just one and that's it. I have different sides of me, I have my little girly side and my sex kitten bombshell side and my pornstar side and my bitchy side but those are just aspects of my personality that I play with for the camera and in bed, they're not other people. He has sides too but they're still him, not separate consciousness, not different people. It's how we roll.

I cant get my head around how systems can function with so many members! He has his career and his boyfriend and his life, and I have mine. He has his online profiles and his journal and his friends and I have mine. And we have a hell of a time just living two lives for the two of us let alone two or three dozen lives! Not enough hours in the day.

Cee

[vashti.livejournal.com]

That person was, putting it mildly, a wanker. Even more so, they were an ignorant wanker for commenting on something they knew nothing about.

[elusivedreamers.livejournal.com]

Kinda a late comment but --

I've had a few people say "it's extremely rare" and I think that's bogus, really. I think it's not so rare at all, but that's just me.

I don't bother hiding anything, but I don't generally just tell people I'm multiple unless they Need To Know. I'm out on this LJ and my other LJ about it, (zephyrgrrl) and the responses I got from many when I discovered myselves were "Duh. I've known you were multiple for years."

So, like, I guess what I'm saying is that I don't sign my actions or words in day to day life or online most of the time, unless it's something like this or when someone distinct has something they want to be known to have said. That's prolly confusing ...

Anyway, it's just nothing I normally do, name precisely who's talking or writing at any particular time. Not 'cause of hiding, just 'cause it isn't important to us who said what, when, most of the time.

~ The riders of the magic bus.