death...

[myorp.livejournal.com]

i killed someone today. someone in system who had been abusing me.
i'm very glad that he's dead but i was just talking with one of my singlet friends who understands us the best and she didn't seem to take things terribly seriously. she didn't seem to realize how real it was for me to have killed him.

i'm very glad that he's dead but somehow... just because it was justified doesn't make it easy for me to deal with that i took someone's life and snuffed it out. he was evil yes... but he was alive and now he's not. i'm having a very hard time dealing with that.

i guess i'm not sure where i'm going with this but i thought maybe some of you had maybe dealt with something like that before. any words of encouragement would be apreciated. i really made him pay for what he's done to me but i almost feel worse because i killed him in such a gorey manner and so slowly.

anyway. i think i'll be ok. just feel really wierd right now.

Comments

[myorp.livejournal.com]

thanks. honestly i think the main thing i regret at this point is that i didn't make it short and quick.

and anyone who wants to condemn me can try as much as they want. in the end the only condemnation i will worry about is that of my own concience. i can't worry about anything but that. i will accept the judgement of the others in here though as to whether i deserve to be punished or not though... because i'm not sure myself and besides, they know the situation and aren't as emotionally involved in it as i am.

[thenetwork.livejournal.com]

Short and quick is best. But -- it was the best you could do, because it's what happened. It's a good way of understanding that everybody is like that, given a chance. Everybody. The fact that so few of us are like that as a lifestyle means the best you can do is sometimes pretty good. We have friended you, btw.