death...

[myorp.livejournal.com]

i killed someone today. someone in system who had been abusing me.
i'm very glad that he's dead but i was just talking with one of my singlet friends who understands us the best and she didn't seem to take things terribly seriously. she didn't seem to realize how real it was for me to have killed him.

i'm very glad that he's dead but somehow... just because it was justified doesn't make it easy for me to deal with that i took someone's life and snuffed it out. he was evil yes... but he was alive and now he's not. i'm having a very hard time dealing with that.

i guess i'm not sure where i'm going with this but i thought maybe some of you had maybe dealt with something like that before. any words of encouragement would be apreciated. i really made him pay for what he's done to me but i almost feel worse because i killed him in such a gorey manner and so slowly.

anyway. i think i'll be ok. just feel really wierd right now.

Comments

[myorp.livejournal.com]

i guess i just wanted to talk to some people who would treat it seriously.

you're probably right. what i did wasn't really defending myself because when he was free he was too strong for me to fight. i just couldn't deal with his existance anymore and the others had been meeting for a day and a half and were begining to think that they knew no way of getting rid of him.

its very possible that i was the only one who actually /could/ get rid of him.. and while i know that doesn't justify what i've done i think its probably still a good thing.

i'll have his blood on my head forever, i know and i can't take it back.

i truely hope though that i /am/ strong enough to take responsibility for this and deal with it.

thanks for the comment.

[alchimienoire.livejournal.com]

you can't wash away blood, but you can do what it sounds like you're doing, which is own it.

i bet you're strong enough.