(no subject)

[rubber-shirt.livejournal.com]

I'm just focused very much on 'courting sickness' right now. We as a whole want to bury ourselves in mental disease, or else you could say PHINNY is running the show, we have given him carte blanche to do what he wants, which is rather like electing Bush. We are as a biological system too apathetic to fight off 'the sickness' and feel we must succumb to it to be safe, as an antidote to the paranoia. About the best thing we did for ourselves was to secure Meals-on-Wheels which some higher power must have secured for us just as a matter of our own survival. And we're hallucinating people's faces, and voices, and things are a terrible mess. Meds need to be changed and I don't know what to. ZYPREXA maybe. MAYBE I'll be one of the 70 percent who doesn't pig out. I figure if we begin eating regularly these meals instead of the big meal once a day type of thing it can be better regulated and those meals on wheels are nutritious supposedly. Certainly better than what I'm getting now. I need t somehow get my mind back. But even if I do I don't know how long I can keep it. Is this just a perception? I feel relatively safe in here, but out there it's like a bad acid trip.

Comments

[pengke.livejournal.com]

So let me get this straight...you went through all the trouble of writing that up just to tell everyone that you've decided you like being sick? Wouldn't it be better to put that in your journal instead of publicly announcing it to the community?

Seriously, all we've read from you guys is the speaker blaming one person or another for all of the system's ills. Where is the speaker's responsibility in all this? Where is the system as a whole's responsibility? You had it right the first time when you said the group as a whole is burying yourselves in mental illness. Stop hiding everyone else's actions or lack thereof behind Phinny (or whoever the scapegoat for the day's post happens to be.) Take responsibility for yourselves. It’s not going to make all of your problems disappear but it’s a start.

[rubber-shirt.livejournal.com]

You're right, we should take responsibility for ourselves but we are in conflict because there are those among us who are afraid if we are made to move on by becoming well and developing our art, then certain traumas and memories of traumas will repeat... there is a chain of episodes in this respect... associations... we are in a quandry. The sick ones want to hide and be protected and the angry ones want to move forward and resent being controlled and they switch backand forth and overall there is fear that this switching is going to get us in trouble. I don't know even who all is in here. I fear, maybe wrongly, that one or more of us have done something or will do something that we don't really remember or don't understand the ramifications of that is going to lead us into deep trouble and it all comes from the fear of being led back into a repeat of these past traumas and repeats of past traumas.... a kind of self-fullfilling prophecy. I have to stop writing because I feel very tired right now.

[shandra.livejournal.com]

I utterly agree with pengke. You are contributing to the chaos. And it does not have to be that way. Many multiples have chosen not to do it that way.

I suggest you start by doing whatever /you/ can do. Set a goal. Clean the toilet. Find out what the angry people are angry about. Whatever.

Shandra