trying to sort it out

[devonianstarr.livejournal.com]

a while back we had some really fucked up shit happen in conjunction with recovering new trauma memories and we're still trying to sort out what exactly happened. it was really weird and scary and we want to make certain (if that's possible) that it doesn't happen again.

someone else posted about being locked out, and not being able to sense the others, and that sort-of rings some bells, but this was kind of like we were a blur. we went from having switches to having a consistant perspective and it really fucked me up. i wasn't bel anymore or any of the others, but i didn't exactly change either. but it's like the thoughts lost their flavor and i couldn't tell who was who, so it was just "me". i kind of assumed that we'd integrated, but then once shit in our outer life got more stable we started being able to look at each other as sepatate beings again. another thing that was messed up about that period of time was that i started having a lot of what i can only describe as strange psychic phenomena happening around me (lightbulbs blowing, minor precognitions, electronic devices malfunctioning around me, and other weird shit) and other senses opened up in such a way that it totally overloaded me and i had a hard time staying grounded. i'm not entirely sure what set it off in the first place, but it fucked my life over hard core and i really want to get a better understanding.

anyone else ever have something like this happen? i'd love to hear some other perspectives because we're still not back to "normal" and system communication is still pretty low and it's bothering us. we know that we are "we", but we don't really feel quite real since we're having trouble communicating or knowing exactly who is out. sometimes it's very clear and those moments are all that is keeping us going. but we really want to understand this better so that we can stop going through life feeling like a zombie.

Bel and rina of the Crowd