Pronoun Confusion

[rabbitsystem.livejournal.com]

How deep does the habit of saying 'I' extend for you? Do you have the habit?

We'll say I even when we're having conversations with each other, which hindered our self-realisation somewhat.

-Seb.

Comments

[kyouketsusha.livejournal.com]

I still say I in most situations. But then, no matter how many headmates I have, I'm still me, so... :)

[bladespark.livejournal.com]

Well, I say "I," but... I feel that most of the time "I" is the closest the English language has to the correct pronoun. I am a single entity, I'm just composed of disparate parts. The only time "we" tends to get used is when one of my others is speaking about them as a group, or when I've been discussing my others so I'm thinking more in terms of plurals.

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

Same here unfortunately or fortunately depending. We have a friend, can't remember who but think it was gryphons who termed that experience "normalflage"> which fits so well. Also, we find ourselves saying "I did such and such and imitating the body's voice instead of adding our own inflections as we normally would. We can imitate each other to some degree...It's really annoying isn't it?

[fairly.livejournal.com]

We use 'I' to refer to individual members of the collective, and for the collective itself amongst those who are unaware of the collective. Among those who know, 'I' is almost always used for an individual.

[fairly.livejournal.com]

- Kerry of Fen Group. I forgot to sign my post. It's a group convention to sign posts. Argh.

[jsystem.livejournal.com]

We try to say 'I' around the singletons, but a 'we' slips out a lot... most people actually don't notice when we say 'we' every-once-in-awhile so I suppose it's ok.

However, we say 'I' in internal conversations. 'I' when talking about our individual selves, rather than the body.

[ghostwalker.livejournal.com]

[linnai.livejournal.com]

It depends on the situation for Us. When we're talking solely or when we're referring to just ourselves, yes, it's 'I' for it all, but a lot when we're talking to people we're out to, we switch betwen 'I' and 'We' because we can do that around these people. Sometimes we share opinions and then it's ok to refer to the group, just like you would in a group of friends, indicating more than one.

[hold-me-coldly.livejournal.com]

I say "I" as habit. The others in the system tend to use plurals. I got in the habit due to a friend in high school picking up on my using plurals (I hadn't even realized it, as is the case with a lot of people who have DID) and teasing me about it in a cruel manner. However, in therapy, I am mor comfortable using plurals and sometimes it slips out and I'm fine with it now. :o)

-Leigh

[fairly.livejournal.com]

Heh, something similar happened to this system - one of our fronters was often saying 'we' instead of 'I', and someone picked up on it.

[browncoatrebel.livejournal.com]

We always use I in situations with people who don't know we're multiple. With people who do understand, folks here use "I" when talking about their own consistent selves, not in combination with anyone else. When we're talking about the system or several of us, or when we're co-fronting, we use "we."

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

At work or around people who don't know.. the majority of the time "I" is used.. when we do slip up usually people think we mean our body and our husband.. people don't usually like to think too hard about stuff. Most of the time .. with friends and online.. we use first person plural.. unless we're writing or speaking for ourselves as individuals.


and yeah.. we call it normalflage.. sometimes we're good at it.. the more stressy we are.. the less we use "I"
-Gen

[our-menagerie.livejournal.com]

We tend to have the opposite problem(when its a problem). All of us say "we" a lot of the time. I think it comes from living alone, and usually if we are talking to someone its on the computer to someone who knows about us, or talking to ourselves so either way it doesnt matter much. It is sometimes a conscious effort to say "I" when around her parents or other people who dont find the fact that there is more than one of us acceptable.

[mylittlebox.livejournal.com]

Auroch and I both say "I" when talking to one another, or someone else. It's a very odd occasion that we say "we," unless specifically speaking about the both of us (i.e., "We don't get along sometimes"), or when we're both close to the surface.

[coconutchica.livejournal.com]

i'm a singleton, my friend is a multiple, and i get soooo confused if whoever's out talks about themself in the 3rd person, bc then i presume that that person is NOT out, bc they are talking about someone else!

i asked them to just say "I" when talking about themselves, and if i'm not sure who's out, i'll just ask.

i know this was more of an internal question, but it's a big thing in our friendship bc a lot of times she's kind of blurry and co-fronting and Natalia doesnt really have a voice so she has to borrow someone else's, so sometimes I think she is someone else, so i think there are more people in there than there are......

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

I say I. If I say we it can either mean the others in Tej Agni or it can mean the others outside of Tej Agni in the rest of Kasiya. :)

-Butterfly

[hydra-system.livejournal.com]

We all refer to ourselves as I respectively. But when talking about everyone in the body we use plural pronouns. The internet is really the only place we say we. In real life I, the birth person, refer to the body as I even though another person in the system may be refered to. This is so we can pass as single.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

"I" is usually me, but if speaking to people we're not out to, "I" of course is us. "We" is variously we frontrunners, the body (e.g., "we have allergies") or Laurad people in general.

I'm surprised no one has brought up the old UIL convention from darkpersonalities... "using 'I' loosely". This is something we would use if we were mooshy, especially. I might say "I mailed your package today" but actually about 6 people were involved, either actively frontrunning or as onlookers.

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

Hey we do that! If it's several of us doing the mushy/blendy thing we say "I". If we're talking about ourselves now that you mention it and we think back, we say "I" But unfortunately we find ourselves saying I around people who know which is okay when it's one of us but when we talk about the whole group and say "I" that's when it gets annoying. And some times we immitate each other too. We use third person when we're talking about some one who isn't
Front for example, Jess did such and such. Hope that made sense.
Lori

[devonianstarr.livejournal.com]

we'll use uil when writing, but have found it clumsy to use while speaking.

"we" slips out a lot more often than intended, most of the time we make a conscious effort to use "i", to avoid uncomfortable questions. my (now ex) sister-in-law caught the "we" usage once when there was no real way to pawn it off as a "me and my hubby" sort of thing and we've been kind of nervous about it ever since. it's not like i'm not out to my friends, but i don't really want to explain it to random people who i know probably wouldn't be very understanding.

though it's hard to say for us right now. we're still trying to get back in touch with each other. we've been through a rough patch with the divorce (a lot of why he left had to do with us being "too much drama") and for a while there the system was in disarray and a lot of us were attempting to reject the multiplicity. it's getting better now and we're starting to communicate the way we used to again. and, yes, the usage of "we" to mean first person singular is increasing as we get comfortable again. it's pretty hard on us self-esteem wise to refer to the whole package as "i", as individuals feel devalued when we can't be accurate in our speech.

rina and nine of the Crowd

[teh-kerry.livejournal.com]

We all say 'I' when talking about ourselves, (eg 'It's my birthday on Thursday' or 'I'm really craving chocolate...') but we generally refer to something that's shared between us as a 'we'. If that makes any sense.

We talk about others in the third person, too, mainly so people can say 'oh right, it isn't x then'.

Does anybody else find that they see the external body as just a shell? Even the person who was born into the body, Kerry, calls it 'the body' as opposed to 'my body' these days. She looks different on the inside anyway.

Liam

[fairly.livejournal.com]

It is just 'the shell' or 'the body' for us as well. None of us quite look like our body inside either.

- Kerry of the Fen System
(notices there's a Kerry in your system, too!)

[teh-kerry.livejournal.com]

Wow, snap! :)

Actually, Kerry isn't her original name, but it's the name she takes inside. (Her original name that her parents gave her was based around a weak pun...)

[fairly.livejournal.com]

Well, Kerry isn't the body's birth-name either! :) But it's certainly mine. None of us actually use the body's birth-name and actively discourage people from using it to describe us.

[ridetothesea.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's how we go. There's no one here particularly tied to the body. It's always either "the body" or "our body" unless we're talking to someone who doesn't know about our plurality.

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

We see the body as a shell too.

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

We see the body as a gateway.

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

Wow! That's cool!

[ex-memepr0g.livejournal.com]

Our body could either be interpreted as a shell or gateway - I think that the Fen System could be classed as a gateway system.

- Kerry of the Fen Group, commenting with group journal

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

To us, the gateway is what allows us to go back and forth from Laura to the body, which is closer to a shell as it's being defined in this context.

[devonianstarr.livejournal.com]

for us the gateway concept is present, it's an internal/other place, though. a friend of ours described it during some energy work as an astral portal that i(uil) carry inside of me.

i had to think about it a little bit, but others tell me that the way we used to refer to the body was as an interface through which the spirit deals with this physical three-dimentional reality. i'm not out dealing with physical reality hardly at all, so i couldn't remember what they used to say. - aether

we're currently coming out of a period of integration? repression?... something along those lines... and nobody had thought about it in a while. i wouldn't say that it's a shell, that to me implies that the body brings nothing of it's own to the over all identity and i don't agree. many of us find that it is by interacting with the body and dealing with the differences that it has from our inner conception that we learn new things about ourselves. and it a way, it has a sort of "personality" the way that i feel my laptop has a personality, even though the computer for me is an interface. i hope that makes sense. - alia

[allusionist.livejournal.com]

I refers to either myself or the body. It can also be used to refer to both of us, depending on the situation - usually both of us as one person.

'We' usually is only used in those rare circumstances when it is important to specify that I'm referring to both of us as distinct individuals - not something that comes up in conversation that often, especially when I can ocunt the number of people who know about us on one hand.

[ridetothesea.livejournal.com]

It depends on the person, for us. I personally don't use we much. To others it comes much more naturally.

[weirdiguess.livejournal.com]

Mostly we say we. How much any of us says 'I' depends who you ask.

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

I say I because it's just me tho I sometimes say WE if I mean the rest of The Clique.

LeAnne

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

Or I say THEM instead of WE

LeAnne

[relevancedenied.livejournal.com]

I say I because I spent so many years forcing myself to be singular that by the time I was ready to just be multiple, my own sense of self was so concrete that saying "we" would just be strange. The others are mostly the same way... though they will say we sometimes in reference to those who spend most of their time inside. I haven't let anyone else fully front in almost half a year, though, so I guess it depends on the circumstances.