question

[tvoytoy.livejournal.com]

hi,there.
i'm jane.
i have a question for nontrauma-based system-members.
so, how did you realized you are multiple? have you heared some voices one day or something else?
remember please you first "meeting".
and happy new year for everybody.
to tell you the truth -i feel the unspeakable tenderness while reading this community.it's like being your common mom=)

Comments

[tvoytoy.livejournal.com]

well, thanx a lot. your description looks a little difficult so i have to draw a scheme to understand. so, who are you?you call yourself "I with little Kal" are you always with her? what's your name?
=)
good days for u

[tvoytoy.livejournal.com]

ok=)
nice to meet you, Kalli. i seem to be foolish not noticed it before.=)
i'll be really happy to read your journal (just jumping up to the roof with joyness)

[tvoytoy.livejournal.com]

sorry, angel. it's not at all your duty to make my wishes done.
may be one day we'll know each other more completely =)

[tahaton.livejournal.com]

I realised the voices were people. I've 'heard voices' for a long time, I just never thought much of them. I stumbled across a website that mentioned multiplicity and that was what started me thinking.

[tvoytoy.livejournal.com]

where those voices friendly or not?did they ask u to do smth or just spoke with you or eachothers?
thanx

[tahaton.livejournal.com]

They were not schizophrenic hallucinations. Unfriendly voices telling you to do things can be a schizophrenic symptom, making sure you don't think of that as what multiplicity is, or anything.

They were as friendly or unfriendly as any random people might be. The most they ever asked me to do was stop distracting them sometimes. Mostly they lived their own lives and spoke to me a little when I was around.

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

some of us just always knew.. there were a couple.. um.. incidents in school that got some internal people's attention.. and well then they kept things from some of the rest of us til we could actually be ok with it..

how did the rest of us find out.. noticing little things.. ok.. huge things.. like changes in writing.. when we knew we there was no one else writing in the book.. drawings that we could have never pulled off.. but people had seen us draw.. There was just a point where Denial doesn't get you any further but in a mess.
-Micah

[freakshownia.livejournal.com]

We're non-trauma-based, and I realized we were a we when others would front and I wouldn't have any control. Our mom noticed it way before we did though, but I didn't believe it. Most of the others always knew we were multiple from birth, but they assumed I knew so they never bothered to tell me!

[idianshire.livejournal.com]

ok so I really am curious now, why are you only interested in the expereiences of non-trauma multiples on this topic

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

For real. You guys are just as much multiple as any one.

[tvoytoy.livejournal.com]

my question was for nontrauma-based multiplies cos i've foolishly thought that trauma-based system's members appear after the trauma and not occasionally.
sorry,if that hurts you.=(

[idianshire.livejournal.com]

Not hurt at all so don't worry. was just curious about the reasons for excluding a group, which you have explained so thanks

[tvoytoy.livejournal.com]

i'm warmed with your friendness)
r u trauma -based

[tvoytoy.livejournal.com]

i'm warmed with your friendness)
r u trauma -based?

[idianshire.livejournal.com]

For us our origins are a bit of a chicken vs. egg question, did the trauma induce our multiplicity or would, if left alone we have been multiple anyway, the fact is that there was trauma in this life before we arrived and it continued after we arrived, is this a direct causal event, don't know, and we have got to the point where we personally don't care, (until we feel negated or dismissed because of such orgins).

We dont' fit into the trauma model of mpd/did set out by such people as Wilbur, Putman and Ross, but then I am beginning to suspect very few multiples do.

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

No. It didn't offend us in the least because we're nontrauma ourselves. It's just that to us, the origins of one's multiplicity aren't important. And you're not foolish. ::Smiles:: Glad to meet you by the way.

[tvoytoy.livejournal.com]

nice to meet you here=)
i'm pleasantly surprised people here are so frendly. it's not the best time to cry out but may be i'm starving without that for a long time)

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

We're usually a very friendly group and the community in general is very friendly as well. And we can understand starving without friendship. Some times sone one just needs a place to feel like they belong.

[idianshire.livejournal.com]

I never really doubt that I am multiple anymore... but umm.. thanks

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

Oh. That's not what I meant. I meant that trauma-based multiples are multiples just the same as any one else. ::Grinning:: You're welcome though.

[idianshire.livejournal.com]

See we sat here this morning going, they mean this, no they mean that ad nasuem until the desperate need for coffee made me posst something before heading off to the kitchen.... seems I picked the wrong multiple choice answer

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

::Laughing:: Coffee is God around here too! That's okay. I won't count off for the grade. OMG! Multiple mchoice!!!!!!!! Hahaha

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

Er! I mean multiple choice.

[cirape.livejournal.com]

If I recall correctly, Dizzy first noticed her behavior being influenced by Micha, then 'heard' his voice. It wasn't the same as hearing something outside one's head, mind, it was more like thoughts in a different voice.
This is still have we communicate today, internal thoughts and such. And is often how we discover a new headmate, by them speaking up or otherwise attempting to make their presence known.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

We were presences to each other from the beginning. There weren't any voices. Whoever was front felt the others around, or nearby (not "in my head"). How do we feel each other nearby? Well, if you have ever lived in a house with other people, and you are in different rooms, but you know the other person is there, even when you don't see them, that's how it is. Different ones would step in and take the front, spontaneously and at random -- that's something we've never had control over.

Jay read Sybil in high school but could not say that was his experience -- in fact what you read in there has almost nothing in common with us. He and the other person who kept trying to be main front (shutting us out) at the time, wanted to dismiss us all as "imaginary friends I should have grown out of a long time ago". Didn't work, of course. Others wanted to find ways that we could all co-exist and share our variety of interests without having to all pretend we were one person.

It was after reading When Rabbit Howls of all things, that Jay felt he had to acknowledge us as persons. We have nothing in common with Truddi Chase, either, but it was the idea that one could be multiple and not integrate, but get to know the others, and live together in cooperation. And the fact she wasn't a helpless blob, the way Sybil was portrayed, but owned her own business and later became a legal secretary, was very helpful.

Of course, he thought at first that we all came out of abuse or trauma, but as he let himself remember more about how we were always there, he realized we really had been always there, and that our existence was part of the problems the frontrunners did have with authority and all.

[rhymer-713.livejournal.com]

Hi Jane, We've always known there were people here other than us. But we thought every one else had "friends" like we did. We thought it was "normal" And then we figured out most people didn't live in gorups like we did. So we tried to deny each other. That didn't work. And then one day we said, "Screw it. This is how we are." And we've been here ever since.

[sharpsight.livejournal.com]

N) This was before my time, but the memories remain: it began with a single character in the multiplayer game Ultima Online, called Ghul'Ruk, a member of a guild called the Shadowclan Orcs (Catskills shard, though the branch later closed after having existed for several years).

'Roleplaying': that was the basic origin. Acting like another, thinking like another, speaking (fluently, though the dialect was just corrupted English with a few black speech lone words thrown in)... 'being' like another becoming natural, or so it was thought.

The scene: the Original/Ghul'Ruk was/were hunting in the words north of the fort, finding things and killing them. The Original started to make Ghul hide (disappearing from the point of view of other characters, so as to not be killed when the player is away from his/her keyboard) in order to get up and use the toilet, and Ghul protested. Loudly. However, the 'loud protesting' was via his computer game character.

The Original was amused: he didn't have any concept of how series the situation was. He assumed that he was still in control, that he was just humouring Ghul--or rather humouring the 'Ghul'Ruk' mindset he'd created, a mindset that he roleplayed as if it were real.

Thus: Ghul kept existing in the computer game world, treating things as though he was the real person and the Original was just 'the slave who did the typing on the magic box', and the Original kept existing in the rest of the world (this world), treating things as though Ghul'Ruk was simply a character he roleplayed, with a view of the universe that happened to include the human roleplaying him in a different, acceptable form.

[interruption in the day; resumes]

...it being later and sleep being required, my apologies for the chance of pace. Or if I've been being too long-winded, perhaps it will be appreciated.

The Original: continued not taking Ghul's existence seriously, and following his ideas of symmetry, created two others characters to manage different areas of his online life.

Over time, the Triad (as he dubbed them) had more and more say in the ordinary choices of daily life, until after a long period of time they looked around and realised that the Original hadn't existed for quite some time.

Thus: there was no true 'recognition' of multiplicity. Those of the Triad took it for granted (or at least Ghul did; the other had fairly long philosophical conversations about whether they really existed or not), or at least were fully aware of the perception of separation from their moments of creation: the Original played along so as to not disrupt the integrity of what he viewed as his fantasy, his created imaginary system, but he died having never taken the entire thing at all seriously, perhaps due to ignorance.

[teh-kerry.livejournal.com]

We're not sure if we were 'created' by Kerry and then got out of control, or whether we did just 'turn up'. But Kerry became aware of us via talking to herself - she would always talk to herself when she was little, and imagine answers. And then one day, she found the answers just coming by themselves. She thought about us a little more, and we began to define ourselves as people a little more, until she finally realised that we were seperate. We had been all along, but it took Kerry a while to realise that.

[terendel.livejournal.com]

Richard was just always around. He was sort of the "invisible friend" who never went away. When I was 18, I tried to get rid of him, wanting to leave behind childish things. But he wouldn't go, darn him! *fond grin at mindmate* So we had a naming ceremony, and he's continued with me ever since.

I never actually heard voices. Richard speaks in my head, but I've never thought of it as hearing voices. Like I said, he's just always been there. But the couple of times we've been to a counselor, we always chuckle at the "do you hear voices?" and "do those voices tell you what to do?" questions.

[jsystem.livejournal.com]

We have heard voices for some time, but I have never accounted that to multiplicity (though some of us do think that it may be related in some way... because we may be able to hear some of what's said right outside of the portal on the other side (inside) or something).

I realized it long before I met everyone. I knew for a long time that this wasn't my body, I just wasn't able to place why I felt that way. And before me, Heather tried to stress the fact that she wasn't who everyone thought she was (no one listened, can't say I blame them... it's still confusing to even the people who know about us)

Our first meeting? Well, there has been multiple activity in the body for awhile, but I wasn't so aware of it (we used to get a little amnesia from fronting, it's a little complicated and we still don't know why it happens). I first 'met' (or re-met) an other in Junior High. A friend helped me bring out Selena and I would say that's where it all started. Previous to thus I had done very minimal searching... but at that time the only other presence I knew of was a demon (long since exercised).

I would be willing to say that Selena helped me 'find'/'meet' everyone else. I had become so disconnected from our world that I really wasn't aware of everything or everyone inside.

[rabbitsystem.livejournal.com]

We've talked all our lives - under our breath usually - but never really put words around what we were doing. We just got on with living. I don't think I eve really fronted then, just made sarcastic comments :)
Lots of nasty stuff in our teenage years, during which I know I didn't front because all my memories of that time are taken from Ellen's memory, and she split into a trauma-based system which she was almost aware of - she knew there were voices in her head that were not quite 'her', and she felt, in an inarticulate fashion, 'diminished'.
She started to notice, about a year ago I suppose, that sometimes her handwriting changed, and particularly that sometimes 'she' could move with much more surety than normal, but that she couldn't ever do it by trying.
More recently Control, who was the main fronter and basically what was left of Ellen after she'd split off all the 'unacceptable' bits, got looking at multiplicity - I can't remember why - read some stuff, leaned back in her chair and said 'I've been squashing you guys, haven't I?'.
At which point we all introduced ourselves.

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

I think that most in Kasiya realized it when they noticed that most other people weren't multiple.

Amalah

[sharpsight.livejournal.com]

M) (But there's also the fear of being 'gone'... the fear of 'What if someday I don't come back?'. To be ignored, forgotten, never to think again--like passing away in one's sleep. *shudders*)

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

People who say that being multiple is "frightening" name this as one of the reasons. Chris Costner-Sizemore talks about this -- it was a key reason she wanted to integrate. Jay went through it himself several times in the 70s -- feeling, when someone else came up front, that he was disappearing -- and it's one reason he rejected the idea that we might be real.

[mirrorbrothers.livejournal.com]

Okay, let's see. I was four years old, playing outside with an older friend. I had heard of imaginary friends, and I thought something like "say there was someone, what..." and there Johnny was. We didn't really talk then, or not much, but we emoted at each other in a way that amounted to saying hi.

The first thing he wanted to do was sleep, which was perfectly fine with me. I laid down beside him in the grass (I was imagining him outside me) and closed my eyes. The boy I'd been playing with, though, thought this was boring (and, in hindsight, probably weird - what kind of imaginary friend wants to sleep?) so he made me go do something else with him, and Johnny tagged along as sort of a vague presence.

Looking back, Johnny wasn't too "developed" when I first met him. That's why we think of that period as his birth and infancy. He wasn't much like a baby, but he was fairly unformed and he slept a lot. It never occurred to me then that we might not be the same age, not until late in high school at least. And I never thought of us as a multiple system until I first met another multiple. I thought of Johnny as a "sentient imaginary friend." Even when I thought of that MPD thing I'd read about, and looked it up, I decided it didn't mean us - I never lost time, and I was always in control. (The first part is still true, the latter is changing.) So when I realized I was multiple was when my friend told me there were communities for people/groups like us online, and I found someone's FAQ.

Rob

[cirquels.livejournal.com]

ive had jules in me since i was born i assume. hes been here since i was a child. we always guess hes prob my twin brother who never got born. the others came later. they just showed up one day. yep.

[myryseaproject.livejournal.com]

I dunno. One day I just conjured up names for different moods - I thought I seemed like completely different people in these moods since "I'd" change my likes/dislikes, so I gave five of them names. Then, months later, I read a story which had a multiple person in them - one of them came up to me and said, 'That's just like us.' and here we are.

[yellowsub723.livejournal.com]

We always felt very contradictory and fragmented but were very shut down. What helped us all start to come out and get along was this idea that we were just doing 'parts therapy' or 'internal family system work'--as if it was just a means to some kind healing end. But very quickly as we allowed parts to speak for themselves, I heard things I never would have expected and didn't know about. It explained alot in my past in that people would always experience me as very eccentric and multi-faceted. Now there's just more organization. Very quickly in therapy it became clear that we were not a person 'doing parts work' but 'a person with parts' which was very, very difficult to accept at first.