Looking for Suggestions

[terendel.livejournal.com]

I have a hard time fronting on demand. If someone talks to me, it's easy to front. I just switch in with no problem. And I can stay around for a while, though my endurance isn't great. But I'm not worried about that. Practice will make it better.

But here's my question. Does anyone have some ideas to make it easier for me to front when someone isn't talking to me? Case in point. Juli was having a terrible panic attack on Wednesday. Nearly crashed the car. It would have been way better if I had been in front. But I couldn't do it. Her emotions were making it too hard. And she wanted to relinquish control. That wasn't the problem. We just couldn't make it work.

We'd like some things to practice now so next time I can front more easily. Both the truck and the other drivers on the road will appreciate it. ;-) (No real worries, though. She has an excellent driving record.)

Richard

Comments

[chaostiny.livejournal.com]

We had a therapist that taught us about using a "switching place". We use a room with a door to the front and door to the inside, ,kind of like an airlock. There are message boards in this room so we can leave notes for each other. As we pass thru the room, we get all the necessary information for whatever is going on at the moment. It isn't fool proof but it is much better than not being able to switch when we wanted to. Everyone has their own image of what this switching place is and how it functions...I had Star Trek like transporters for a while but it became much easier to just have an airlock. Find whatever works for you:)

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

We've experienced problems like this before, and still do at times. There are several in our group whose emotions are a bit more intense than others of us, and it makes it difficult to push them aside in order to help with whatever the situation is that's going on.

We're actually in the process of trying several solutions ourselves, to see which ones will work. The one we're trying right now has to do with helping a fronter who is experiencing an anxiety attack. We are working on the thought process behind the attack more than working on pushing the fronter aside. We are doing this during lower levels of anxiety, and while there is no anxiety, or even during higher anxiety.

What we're doing is helping the fronter come up with a series of rehearsed healthy thoughts to repeat to themselves in order to help lower the anxiety. Instead of focusing on how badly the anxiety feels, they will try to focus on reminding that even though anxiety feels like there is something very wrong, it can be controlled; as hard as it can feel at the time.

We believe that anxiety can be lowered just by repeating healthy phrases and reminders to yourself. "I am not dying". "This is anxiety, but there is nothing wrong with me." Positive affirmations are important. It's best to practice them first in a safe location and not while driving.

But like I said, we're working on our own solutions now too, so that is all we have so far. I hope it was some help for you.

Amalah

[terendel.livejournal.com]

This was exactly what I was doing Wednesday. And it did help. I'll certainly keep it up. We're still working on becoming true partners. I've been "along for the ride" for most of the time. Offering advice, but not really working along with her. Actually, it's too bad. We've been missing the best part of "two heads are better than one." Better late than never, though.

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

I have faith you'll both do just fine. :)

Amalah

[kangetsuhime.livejournal.com]

I use music and chatting etc to come out, and then I pinpoint those 'feelings'. The feelings of coming out, the feelings that pull me out. I use them as 'hooks' when I want to front.

Practice, basically. That's how I started to learn. I admit, I still get shoved back in times Lu is at high stress. It's difficult to learn, because you can't exactly ask your headmate to suddenly be scared witless so you can learn :P

[terendel.livejournal.com]

Music was one of the things we were thinking about using. I was going to find a couple of songs I really like, and we were going to make those "my songs" for triggers.

And no, I can't exactly ask her to become scared witless on demand. But I suppose we could try to find another strong emotion to practice around. *ponders* Nope, I don't think anyone is going to go for practicing during arousal, though it's the strongest, postive emotion I can think of. Her husband probably would have issues with me (a guy) popping in at that particular moment. *wide grin*

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

Attempt to create a calm space within yourself. Within this calm space, envision where you wish to be. If you can distance yourself from the emotions the other is feeling, it may make it easier for you to slip around her and to the surface. I would suggest practicing several times before an emergency situation comes up. This may or may not work.

Kasia

[tej-agni.livejournal.com]

they didn't mention it but you can try forcing yourself to the front. it might not be graceful but if you're in a dangerous situation it could be smart for the moment. Kes

[mylittlebox.livejournal.com]

For us, one of us can bump the other. If I run into Auroch, deliberately or not, or he runs into me, usually one of us will be jarred so much the other will slip into front.

[lamialiliane.livejournal.com]

I know how that is. It's rare for me to actually front without triggers like someone saying my name, or... sex :P But I guess I need more practice as well.

[pilgrimchild.livejournal.com]

We have the same problem. It seems to be whoever is having the biggest emotions is the one who is able to push to the front. Unfortunately, its usually one of the kids-- the 5 year old, because she feels things very deeply. She comes to the front at the most inappropriate times. We're trying to figure out how to control her.