![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
vinik.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
multiplicity_archivesA couple of years ago, one of our system members left. Her name was Anne, and I'd like to take a moment just to tell you about her and her life.
Anne was with us for a very long time. She used to tell me that the earliest she could remember being in this body was when it was 6 years of age. She said anything earlier than that was a confused blur. She would send me emotions, images of this time, and all I can say is that it felt like being trapped in a sheet in some warm, dark place.
When Anne was first singled out, she was referred to as "The Baby", and referred to as a 'child alter'. This was because back when we were first in therapy, I did not know that the others that shared my body were actual people and not just sides and fragments of myself that I could blame for all of my troubles, or as an excuse to deny myself the good things in life (and instead give those things to others). After her experiences with a negative and coercive therapist, Anne found herself having an identity crisis and went on a personal journey alone, but with support from the rest of us. Anne went from being someone who conforms to others' expectations, to a lively, wonderful adult woman who was kind, generous, and thoughtful.
One day, we noticed Anne was no longer with us, which was unusual for her. There are others in here who do leave periodically and return, so we thought perhaps that she had decided to explore in other ways. One day she did come back, but it was to say goodbye. She was wearing this gorgeous white dress (I know this sounds cliche, but this is really what happened) in the kind of style Jackie O. would wear. She looked so good, so happy. She came up to me and said "Mom?" (because a lot of us adopted her as parents)"It's time for me to go on."
I asked her where she was going, and she looked behind her with a sigh. "I'm going where I'm needed. It's time."
She didn't need to say anything else. I knew exactly where she was going, and I was stunned. For all these years, so many of us had assumed that she had been born to this body along with the rest of us. We had no idea that all this time, she had been from elsewhere.
She smiled at me fondly, gave me a hug, said goodbye to everyone, and then vanished in a great light.
I miss Anne very much, but I know she's in the right place. Sometimes I feel guilty wondering if listening to these so-called professionals might have delayed her journey on to a better life, but I remember that I was a kid for so much of that time, and there really was no better supports out there back then.
Good luck, Anne. We miss you and love you, and hope that you're happy wherever you may roam.
-Jen
Anne was with us for a very long time. She used to tell me that the earliest she could remember being in this body was when it was 6 years of age. She said anything earlier than that was a confused blur. She would send me emotions, images of this time, and all I can say is that it felt like being trapped in a sheet in some warm, dark place.
When Anne was first singled out, she was referred to as "The Baby", and referred to as a 'child alter'. This was because back when we were first in therapy, I did not know that the others that shared my body were actual people and not just sides and fragments of myself that I could blame for all of my troubles, or as an excuse to deny myself the good things in life (and instead give those things to others). After her experiences with a negative and coercive therapist, Anne found herself having an identity crisis and went on a personal journey alone, but with support from the rest of us. Anne went from being someone who conforms to others' expectations, to a lively, wonderful adult woman who was kind, generous, and thoughtful.
One day, we noticed Anne was no longer with us, which was unusual for her. There are others in here who do leave periodically and return, so we thought perhaps that she had decided to explore in other ways. One day she did come back, but it was to say goodbye. She was wearing this gorgeous white dress (I know this sounds cliche, but this is really what happened) in the kind of style Jackie O. would wear. She looked so good, so happy. She came up to me and said "Mom?" (because a lot of us adopted her as parents)"It's time for me to go on."
I asked her where she was going, and she looked behind her with a sigh. "I'm going where I'm needed. It's time."
She didn't need to say anything else. I knew exactly where she was going, and I was stunned. For all these years, so many of us had assumed that she had been born to this body along with the rest of us. We had no idea that all this time, she had been from elsewhere.
She smiled at me fondly, gave me a hug, said goodbye to everyone, and then vanished in a great light.
I miss Anne very much, but I know she's in the right place. Sometimes I feel guilty wondering if listening to these so-called professionals might have delayed her journey on to a better life, but I remember that I was a kid for so much of that time, and there really was no better supports out there back then.
Good luck, Anne. We miss you and love you, and hope that you're happy wherever you may roam.
-Jen
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-10-04 01:02 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-04 01:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-04 01:09 am (UTC)for help. We pretty much run the body now. He hardly ever comes forth any more.
--- Us
no subject
Date: 2006-10-04 01:08 am (UTC)to come back to say bye.
--- Miri of Mtribe (I'm 8)
This'll probably get me flamed. Oh, what the hell.
Date: 2006-10-04 03:12 am (UTC)...it seems like people often want others in-system to stick to a certain "role" for their convenience. I mean, okay, when a group is first starting to acknowledge plurality and their only reference for "how it should be" is books that give everyone in the system besides the ostensible host a specific, stereotyped role, then it's understandable to start trying to categorize everyone according to "roles," at first. However, people change, and they may not always change in the ways you've predicted; and once you've had several years behind you of living as a group, you begin to see that very few people are who they appear at first glance, and that this holds true for people inside as well as outside the system.
So, like, for instance, we had a "friend" years back who pressured us to basically put ourselves in little typecast boxes-- there was the Cute Kid, the Angry One, the Wise Mystical one, and so forth. This actually resulted in people operating under horrible amounts of stress most of the time, when they felt that every single thing they did had to be guided by their "role." The Wise Mystical One could never just spend an evening goofing off and not thinking about wise mystical things, nor could the Angry One ever show mercy or charity to others, even when she really *wanted* to. The idea seemed to be that if she wasn't angry all the time, her "role" would then somehow have to change, and possibly her entire existence would be called into question.
Needless to say, all of that ended very badly, and we're glad that chapter in our life is behind us, to put it mildly.
If we-- or other systems we know-- had tried to restrict people to certain "roles," or labeled them to be destructive or evil influences and therefore something that should be suppressed, rather than to try to come to an understanding with them or help them work on whatever was causing them to act that way, we would have missed out on the friendship of some of the nicest, coolest, most fun and interesting people we know of.
Hell, even some of our best jokes. Some people will probably think I'm sick for this, but Ruka sometimes plays up the "rargh I am evil alter who eats babies" act just for his own amusement. Just on the basis of that, people would probably assume he's horrible (even if it's a joke), but he's a great (if rather unusual) person in my admittedly biased opinion. I mean, it's morbid humour, but part of it is also to remind ourselves that humour (sometimes especially about things you're not "supposed" to make jokes about) eases a lot of frustrations.
Re: This'll probably get me flamed. Oh, what the hell.
Date: 2006-10-04 03:31 am (UTC)Someone once asserted that Gabe had said he was an excellent tracker; his reply was approximately "Hah? I never been huntin' in my life." Apparently this had been a guess based on his accent, dress and general rural-Midwest ambience, and she thought he'd said it because such a person obviously drives a truck with a big ole gunrack and shoots at anything that moves. (Never mind that he's a vegetarian, and that she knew this at the time ...)
Or the one who caught wind of something to do with our guilds and councils and said "You have a textbook household." Um... because we have a governmental system? (That works?)
Re: This'll probably get me flamed. Oh, what the hell.
Date: 2006-10-04 03:35 am (UTC)Re: This'll probably get me flamed. Oh, what the hell.
Date: 2006-10-04 06:05 am (UTC)"Well, for my entire life, I've hung out with Rob and shared all his stuff. And yet, we have none of the same hobbies or interests!"
That would make perfect sense. *rolls eyes*
- Johnny
Re: This'll probably get me flamed. Oh, what the hell.
Date: 2006-10-04 12:25 pm (UTC)we do have some articles of clothing (not many, we can't afford 23452436246 wardrobes. Not that we have 213532624 members or anything. But I doubt we could afford 3 or 4 full wardrobes, but some people who are out a lot have an article of clothing or two which is more clearly them than anyone else, like Lydia's "I can't talk but I have a lot to say" shirt, which could vaguely apply to some of us who have non-verbal problems but she's the one who really can't talk. But if her shirt is what's clean, I'll put it on, whatever. Or if she puts it on and I come out, I'm not about to go hunting for something to change into. That would be silly. It's hassle enough changing clothes once a day, let alone every time we switch.
Re: This'll probably get me flamed. Oh, what the hell.
Date: 2006-10-04 07:00 am (UTC)Re: This'll probably get me flamed. Oh, what the hell.
Date: 2006-10-04 01:16 pm (UTC)People grow. Another friend (same system) said she feels sometimes like a "meat robot" that was created in their teens to deal with day to day life in the world, but that she's "exceeded her programming." People are interesting.