An Introduction...
Oct. 2nd, 2006 11:12 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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multiplicity_archivesGreetings & Salutations!
I hope everyone who is reading this is doing well and if not then I wish you luck on your journey to wellness. I found this community through a friend who is a multiple, in fact it was through talking to this friend that I first began to suspect I myself was multiple. Yet, it wasn't until February of this year that I was officially diagnosed while undergoing treatment in a Psych ward for depression.
I have met 6 of the alters within my system and have more than once felt there were others buried deep with in Our mind. As I anticipate those of my alters who are able to read & write will also be posting to the journal I will introduce them in a cut and give a brief history of each.
The Adorable System-
Robin- Me, the "core personality" or at least the one who is most frequently out. I am 21 going on 22 in a week and have survived a life of various types of abuse (if I seem glib about this I apologize I often use humor to dissociate myself from my emotions and past). I am diagnosed with a multitude of disorders including DID, a major depressive disorder, dysthymia (a type of depression where the body produces lower amounts of serotonin than the average body), OCD, and mild schizophrenia. Sometimes I wonder if the doctors are just looking to stick me with a ton of labels that fits a few of my symptoms instead of finding one that fits all of them.
Anika- The system protector she is an amazingly loving but often territorial and mistrusting woman. She is the eternal Den Mother, and I don't use this term lightly I mean she is a mother in the sense that a wolf is a mother. Anika is often feral and has been known to growl at anyone who comes to close, especially men whom she despises a fact which leads me to often call her an Amazon. Anika protects all those in the system especially the "littles" and has "held" us more than once as we cried. She was the first of my alters I came to terms with and her presence is always there at the back of my mind like a security blanket.
Anika came about due to my parent's abandonment of me at a young age.
Julie- The youngest and most vulnerable of those in the system, she is barely five but often acts younger. Until recently she came out only to cry and rock back and forth in a corner. This past February she actually spoke to a nurse while I was in the hospital, or so I am told I don't remember the experience but I lost 3 hours and "woke" to find an official diagnoses of DID had been given. The nurse later told me that Julie had no idea where she was and she had expected to be at home with her mother and father, she had no memories of my father's death over 11 years ago. Julie stems from an occasion when I was about 8 where my father locked me and my siblings in the attack for a week with out food, water, restrooms, or even light. This traumatic event causes Julie to regress and be terrified of the dark, I am debating going out and getting her a night light and a teddy bear.
Rosa- Some where between 8-12, I am never sure because when I visualize her she is a young girl no more than 8 wearing a flowery Easter dress and a beaming grin, but in my head she has always felt 12 but a happy, hyper 12. She has no knowledge of past abuses, or that evil and bad things exist in the world she is constantly wearing a grin so big my face aches for days after she comes out, and she still holds to the Christian beliefs I had forced on me as a child...in many ways she is the part of my childhood that never died.
Anna- Another of my littles, six year old, Anna is bright and childlike much of the time even to the point of talking like a baby but she has some very unchildlike interests. I won't go into detail but suffice it to say she enjoys the company of men in a way no child should. I used to believe Anna came about from a childhood rape when I was 6, but after ALOT of forced remembering and searching I have come to realize she has been there much longer though I am not sure exactly how long or what happened to her.
Malykhi- Pronounced as Malachi this is the only known male in the system. He is a ten year old raging, seething, ball of hatred. Yet when he talks in the back of my head (he isn't allowed out) he is often calm and collected. He has a mocking, condescending air about him. He likes to make me cringe with his very graphic thoughts of violence and horror. I think he is a product of all the years of suppressed anger I have accumulated, I never gave myself permission to be angry as a child and just pushed away my feelings about my abuse and abandonments.
Takenya- Finally there is Takenya, a woman in her later 20's she is a succubus and siren. She uses her body to tease, tantalize, and seduce in order to get what she wants. She feels that everyone and everything is beneath her and has been known to talk about wishing to rule the world. I am not 100% sure where she comes from but to make an educated guess I would say she is a result of years of not being able to control anything in my life, so she is the ultimate control freak...everything is her way or the highway.
**Note**
I am in the process of making icons for each one of my alts so that when they post it will be easy to tell who is whom. I will make sure Anika encourages them (all my alters love and respect Anika) to post here soon if only so they can show which icon belongs to whom.
Robin
I hope everyone who is reading this is doing well and if not then I wish you luck on your journey to wellness. I found this community through a friend who is a multiple, in fact it was through talking to this friend that I first began to suspect I myself was multiple. Yet, it wasn't until February of this year that I was officially diagnosed while undergoing treatment in a Psych ward for depression.
I have met 6 of the alters within my system and have more than once felt there were others buried deep with in Our mind. As I anticipate those of my alters who are able to read & write will also be posting to the journal I will introduce them in a cut and give a brief history of each.
The Adorable System-
Robin- Me, the "core personality" or at least the one who is most frequently out. I am 21 going on 22 in a week and have survived a life of various types of abuse (if I seem glib about this I apologize I often use humor to dissociate myself from my emotions and past). I am diagnosed with a multitude of disorders including DID, a major depressive disorder, dysthymia (a type of depression where the body produces lower amounts of serotonin than the average body), OCD, and mild schizophrenia. Sometimes I wonder if the doctors are just looking to stick me with a ton of labels that fits a few of my symptoms instead of finding one that fits all of them.
Anika- The system protector she is an amazingly loving but often territorial and mistrusting woman. She is the eternal Den Mother, and I don't use this term lightly I mean she is a mother in the sense that a wolf is a mother. Anika is often feral and has been known to growl at anyone who comes to close, especially men whom she despises a fact which leads me to often call her an Amazon. Anika protects all those in the system especially the "littles" and has "held" us more than once as we cried. She was the first of my alters I came to terms with and her presence is always there at the back of my mind like a security blanket.
Anika came about due to my parent's abandonment of me at a young age.
Julie- The youngest and most vulnerable of those in the system, she is barely five but often acts younger. Until recently she came out only to cry and rock back and forth in a corner. This past February she actually spoke to a nurse while I was in the hospital, or so I am told I don't remember the experience but I lost 3 hours and "woke" to find an official diagnoses of DID had been given. The nurse later told me that Julie had no idea where she was and she had expected to be at home with her mother and father, she had no memories of my father's death over 11 years ago. Julie stems from an occasion when I was about 8 where my father locked me and my siblings in the attack for a week with out food, water, restrooms, or even light. This traumatic event causes Julie to regress and be terrified of the dark, I am debating going out and getting her a night light and a teddy bear.
Rosa- Some where between 8-12, I am never sure because when I visualize her she is a young girl no more than 8 wearing a flowery Easter dress and a beaming grin, but in my head she has always felt 12 but a happy, hyper 12. She has no knowledge of past abuses, or that evil and bad things exist in the world she is constantly wearing a grin so big my face aches for days after she comes out, and she still holds to the Christian beliefs I had forced on me as a child...in many ways she is the part of my childhood that never died.
Anna- Another of my littles, six year old, Anna is bright and childlike much of the time even to the point of talking like a baby but she has some very unchildlike interests. I won't go into detail but suffice it to say she enjoys the company of men in a way no child should. I used to believe Anna came about from a childhood rape when I was 6, but after ALOT of forced remembering and searching I have come to realize she has been there much longer though I am not sure exactly how long or what happened to her.
Malykhi- Pronounced as Malachi this is the only known male in the system. He is a ten year old raging, seething, ball of hatred. Yet when he talks in the back of my head (he isn't allowed out) he is often calm and collected. He has a mocking, condescending air about him. He likes to make me cringe with his very graphic thoughts of violence and horror. I think he is a product of all the years of suppressed anger I have accumulated, I never gave myself permission to be angry as a child and just pushed away my feelings about my abuse and abandonments.
Takenya- Finally there is Takenya, a woman in her later 20's she is a succubus and siren. She uses her body to tease, tantalize, and seduce in order to get what she wants. She feels that everyone and everything is beneath her and has been known to talk about wishing to rule the world. I am not 100% sure where she comes from but to make an educated guess I would say she is a result of years of not being able to control anything in my life, so she is the ultimate control freak...everything is her way or the highway.
**Note**
I am in the process of making icons for each one of my alts so that when they post it will be easy to tell who is whom. I will make sure Anika encourages them (all my alters love and respect Anika) to post here soon if only so they can show which icon belongs to whom.
Robin
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no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 05:07 am (UTC)My black heart ever burns to know those similar to myself.
Not that I dislike humans, but, well... you know. They're human.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 05:20 am (UTC)One thing I want to say, though. You talk about the mental reasons all your head-mates came to be. And I'm sure it's all perfectly true. But you might want to (how to put this) give all that less weight in your mind. Wherever they come from, they're people now. I'd hate to see them get pigeonholed accidentally because you got used to thinking of the ways they're "supposed" to behave. I hate to be all "Hi, good to meet you, you are wrong because," but that's what I think.
Johnny
no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 05:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 06:15 am (UTC)But 'nuff said. Keep doing your best. Rob's been working hard at changing his ways of thinking lately, and I have a lot of respect for that process. It is hard. I wish you all the best with it.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-04 12:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 07:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 07:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 11:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-04 11:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 03:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-04 11:26 pm (UTC)Well, any community is pretty much the sum total of its members' interactions. Survivors, along with most people, have their ups and downs - sometimes they lament, sometimes they freak out, sometimes they're positive and hopeful. At times in the comm people all do seem to be down at once, at other times people are mostly hopeful, most of the time it's a mixed bag depending on whom you're talking with and what's recently happened in their lives.
I think there's a time and place for everything - for lamenting and grieving, and for healing. Certainly people can heal and recover, but often they have to grieve first. And survivor comm's aren't for everyone, if someone's definitely "over" his or her experience and feels that talking about it would be depressing/stifling, then it's better for them to pursue other interests. However, some survivors who are farther along in healing do come back to encourage others who've experienced trauma more recently.
The survivors mod does a good job, in my opinion, of giving advice and support while encouraging people to take positive action to move forward with their lives while they are healing.
no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 10:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-03 01:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-11 07:02 am (UTC)