Confessions

[mirrorbrothers.livejournal.com]

So. As it happens, I have a boyfriend. And I'm very strongly considering telling him about Johnny - as in, I'm probably going to tell him pretty soon.

The good news: he's an open minded, extremely non-judgmental person, and he likes me a lot.

The bad news: he knows about the headmates of a mutual friend of ours, and while he certainly isn't intolerant or wrongheaded about it, he doesn't seem to take Talon and Leena very seriously as people. This could cause friction on its own, but on top of that, Johnny's straight, and thus not attracted to my boyfriend at all. Actually, it's only lately that Johnny's started to even like him. At least some of this is bound to come out, and I'm not sure my boyfriend will be able to understand that Johnny's opinions and feelings aren't mine, not even subconsciously.

I almost have to tell him, though. He's very emotionally sensitive, and he can sometimes tell something's up when Johnny's co-present around him. He hasn't figured out what yet, but keeping the secret isn't going to be plausible a long-term option. And anyway, if he knew about Johnny, I could also tell that whole group of friends (they could hardly accept one multiple and reject another), which would be really cool.

So... I dunno. I guess I'm wondering what the community has to say about this. Advice, stories about similar situations, random comments, whatever.

- Rob

PS - I'm finding the concept of coming out to my boyfriend very ironic. - R

Comments

[mirrorbrothers.livejournal.com]

Geez, I dunno. Two months so far, and no sign of stopping unless the conversation about Johnny goes way sour. Aren't you supposed to keep going until you have to stop? It's not just a fling, if that's what you mean.

[mirrorbrothers.livejournal.com]

Man, I'm just starting to have regular friends. The possibility of me getting a girlfriend is not what you'd call an imminent threat. And I'm slowly getting better at co-running, but there's no sign yet of Rob being able to leave the front, which makes it a pretty awkward idea. We've got better things to spend our time thinking about right now.

And I don't think I can wait a whole lot longer. Like I said, my boyfriend can sometimes notice something different about me when Johnny's around. So far he's put it down to things like "You're weird when you're tired," but that's not gonna last forever, and I'm not going to torture him by making him wonder what I'm hiding. And I've got an advantage, in that I already know how my boyfriend reacted to learning about another multiple. The worst case would be that he more or less understands, but doesn't feel comfortable dating someone with a headmate. That would be bad, but not a disaster.

(And no, we're not kids. I'm 21, my boyfriend's 19, Johnny's 17.)

- Rob, Johnny

[shandra.livejournal.com]

The best advice I have for you is you might have to give him some time to be wrongheaded about it. It's hard work on your end - to be open enough to let him start to see the real differences, while he's still not getting it. But it sounds like it has real potential to pay off.

My husband always took us fairly seriously, but he still doesn't always "get it." That's ok, as long as the overall tone is respectful and caring. IMHO.

[menokh.livejournal.com]

I'm reminded of when my boyfiend came out to me, long before I had even the slightest inclination about myself(I'd ignore, or supress, all signs).

He was terrified to tell me that there was someone else living in his head, as he put it. You at least hva e a benifit over him, he had no idea what to call it, and I hadn't met anyone like that before. Funny enough, his head-mate, Jarous, is perfectly straight and of Renaissance french extraction and he(Jarous) was never too fond of me until about last December.

I guess the point of this is, you never will know your boyfriend's reaction until you tell him. And just holding it inside could stress you out more than you want.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

*points to what shandra says*

If you are serious about him, it is unwise not to level with him, but finding the right time and place is a possible key to success. Check out the memories archive on "coming out".

[kangetsuhime.livejournal.com]

Been through it. A year or two of hell, now he apparently loves me. As in, romantic love. It all takes time.

[jhonathand.livejournal.com]

So this is a good post to read, because I know eventually I/We'll have to deal with this at some point in our Lives.

Either way,.....It's obvious that your S/O is aware of things, and that implies that you should tell him.

Although, Having had more let-downs in my life(Not even bringing my Brother's Into it,) I would defenitely suggest Caution and some Patients(Sp?). There's no need to rush things IMO. Never doubt the Rationalization Powers of the seemingly Singlet/Nuerotypical Mind. There's things that (And I use this term loosely and in a non-durrogetory way) 'They' can go for Months or even years, until they finally feel the need to confront the Issue.

If you feel that you couldn't possibly do this to your S/O Then you should tell him.

There's also the Issue of Co-Fronting to consider. Frost(My Brother) Has picked some Rather In-Oppritune times to suddenly 'Pop-up' and take the helm. This is inconvient to say the least, seeing as how his voice is completly different than mine.

So, If Your Brother is planning to spend more time @ the Helm, then there's going to have to be,.......well, Protocols(For Lack Of a Better word) in place to allieviate any stress and/or anxiety that your Parnter might feel/sense/expierence Etc. Once again, if either of you feel that you Just simply can Not do this,.....Then you need to tell him.

So for what it's Worth,.....that's what I think. Use your Best Judgement,. In the End, Only you can decide what the right course is.

And Always remember, If it isn't meant to be, Then It's not meant to be. Fate(If you belive in it or not,) Has a way of fixing things. There Is Millions of things that we can't foresee. This person your involved with now, might not be the same person you want to be involved with as you grow Older.

Please don't take any Of this the wrong way,. Being a Gay Male Myself and Having 2 Brothers who live inside me,.......I'm just trying to put forth what seems the best Opinion I can.

Best Of Luck to you Guy's, I sincerely Hope that everything works out well,.

Warmest Regaurds,

~M/F/J~