Introduction And A Question...
Aug. 18th, 2006 01:58 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
matrexsvigil.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
multiplicity_archivesHello everyone, my name is Pam, and I'm pretty sure I'm a multiple. I don't doubt the exsistance of the Others in my mind, but I do doubt the label. A quite large intro (skip to the end for the question):
My others have all been around since I was 11 or so. Matrexs came first, then Andre, then the Totems, and then Seth. I named Matrexs after a character in one of my stories because she was so full of hate and anger. I'm 100% sure that Matrexs appeared due to the emotional abuse of my mother and grandmother's drinking and drug use (no need for details unless someone is interested). I don't believe Matrexs came from my stories, it just felt right to name her that. She's allowed me to turn my emotions completely off when needed...and sometimes when I didn't want to.
The others I'm not so sure of. Andre came to me one night, scaring the living crap out of me, claiming he was a demon of lust (another long story). He's continued to claim that he's a demon for 10 years now. While I've always been open to possibility of supernatural influences in my life and such, his jealousy, rapant sexual drive, and fierce protection of me...make me doubt that he's an actual being of negativity from some nether dimension. He may be. I can't prove either way.
The Totems (their name and mine), have been around since around the summer right before I turned 14. I had gotten into a car accident and a lot of weird stuff happened in my mind in the few moments I lost consciousness. The Totems slowly showed themselves over the next few months and into the school year. They claimed to be my Totems, my guardians, and beings who were going to guide me until I could take care of myself.
Are the Totems actual animal and mythological animal spirits who have chosen me to protect and guide? They've never changed their story for 8 years. Recently, after I met my (now) fiance, they started to fade into the background in the guardian and guide rolls.
Seth came to me one night, after I had been fighting with my best friend (whom I had stupidly fallen in love with) about her involvement with another friend of ours. Seth seemed confused and claimed to be a newly created demon--hence why he was still so human. (Andre seems more malicious than Seth) He claimed to be a demon of spite. He's never fronted but in rare cases, when I'm extremely upset with someone and wish bad things about them, it's like he's whispering in my ear. I've never done anything cause of him doing that, but it is creepy to have a 'normal' seeming teenager suddenly act so evil.
My best friend (the same one I mentioned before), knows that I have these Others. Like myself, she's uncertian as to whether they are mental or supernatural. She treats the Others like people and has never once made fun of me for being this way. She's supportive, even if we don't really talk about it anymore.
As for my fiance, I've explained it to him to. He seemed pretty fine with it, until he actually had to meet them. Ninty percent of the time, my Others respect my wishes to act like me if I'm around other people, and they'd like to come out. I might seem a little more happy when Dolphin is fronting or horny when Andre is (for example), but they've done a great job of keeping me looking 'sane.'
My fiance was forced to meet them after he had revealed some pretty shocking news to me. Because of this news (details aren't important cause they're embarassing, at least on my end), I freaked out and shoved Andre out to front while I tried to come back to reality. Andre was beyond pissed at what my fiance had done and made it very clear that it was him and not me. My fiance's first clue was that I had returned from the bathroom from whence I had fled and wasn't crying at all.
He seemed more concerned that he had upset me so much than the fact that he was actually talking to Andre. After a while, his initial shock wore off, and he found out that he doesn't like Andre very much. Saving 'me' from a huge arguement cause of Andre, Dragon knocked him out of the front and allowed Dolphin to front.
Safe to say that when I was finally able to come back to the front, everything was alright. While my fiance wasn't comfortable with what had just happened, he didn't freak out and leave me either.
After that day, Dolphin at least, has wanted to front more often and actually be himself. I haven't let him, because I'm afraid that my fiance will associate my Others with that horrible day/arguement. Sometimes it hurts really bad for me to force my Others to stay quiet and 'stealth' front, even when they'd like to get to know my fiance more (as they too, will be getting married to him).
My question is, how should I approach my fiance about this? He likes to joke about my Others, and I'm sure that's his way to keep what happened from being too weird in his mind. He's a good person, and we're doing alright together now. I want to be truely open with him, but I'm afraid of making him uncomfortable. Any suggestions or hints?
-P.C.
--"Off the Pink."--
My others have all been around since I was 11 or so. Matrexs came first, then Andre, then the Totems, and then Seth. I named Matrexs after a character in one of my stories because she was so full of hate and anger. I'm 100% sure that Matrexs appeared due to the emotional abuse of my mother and grandmother's drinking and drug use (no need for details unless someone is interested). I don't believe Matrexs came from my stories, it just felt right to name her that. She's allowed me to turn my emotions completely off when needed...and sometimes when I didn't want to.
The others I'm not so sure of. Andre came to me one night, scaring the living crap out of me, claiming he was a demon of lust (another long story). He's continued to claim that he's a demon for 10 years now. While I've always been open to possibility of supernatural influences in my life and such, his jealousy, rapant sexual drive, and fierce protection of me...make me doubt that he's an actual being of negativity from some nether dimension. He may be. I can't prove either way.
The Totems (their name and mine), have been around since around the summer right before I turned 14. I had gotten into a car accident and a lot of weird stuff happened in my mind in the few moments I lost consciousness. The Totems slowly showed themselves over the next few months and into the school year. They claimed to be my Totems, my guardians, and beings who were going to guide me until I could take care of myself.
Are the Totems actual animal and mythological animal spirits who have chosen me to protect and guide? They've never changed their story for 8 years. Recently, after I met my (now) fiance, they started to fade into the background in the guardian and guide rolls.
Seth came to me one night, after I had been fighting with my best friend (whom I had stupidly fallen in love with) about her involvement with another friend of ours. Seth seemed confused and claimed to be a newly created demon--hence why he was still so human. (Andre seems more malicious than Seth) He claimed to be a demon of spite. He's never fronted but in rare cases, when I'm extremely upset with someone and wish bad things about them, it's like he's whispering in my ear. I've never done anything cause of him doing that, but it is creepy to have a 'normal' seeming teenager suddenly act so evil.
My best friend (the same one I mentioned before), knows that I have these Others. Like myself, she's uncertian as to whether they are mental or supernatural. She treats the Others like people and has never once made fun of me for being this way. She's supportive, even if we don't really talk about it anymore.
As for my fiance, I've explained it to him to. He seemed pretty fine with it, until he actually had to meet them. Ninty percent of the time, my Others respect my wishes to act like me if I'm around other people, and they'd like to come out. I might seem a little more happy when Dolphin is fronting or horny when Andre is (for example), but they've done a great job of keeping me looking 'sane.'
My fiance was forced to meet them after he had revealed some pretty shocking news to me. Because of this news (details aren't important cause they're embarassing, at least on my end), I freaked out and shoved Andre out to front while I tried to come back to reality. Andre was beyond pissed at what my fiance had done and made it very clear that it was him and not me. My fiance's first clue was that I had returned from the bathroom from whence I had fled and wasn't crying at all.
He seemed more concerned that he had upset me so much than the fact that he was actually talking to Andre. After a while, his initial shock wore off, and he found out that he doesn't like Andre very much. Saving 'me' from a huge arguement cause of Andre, Dragon knocked him out of the front and allowed Dolphin to front.
Safe to say that when I was finally able to come back to the front, everything was alright. While my fiance wasn't comfortable with what had just happened, he didn't freak out and leave me either.
After that day, Dolphin at least, has wanted to front more often and actually be himself. I haven't let him, because I'm afraid that my fiance will associate my Others with that horrible day/arguement. Sometimes it hurts really bad for me to force my Others to stay quiet and 'stealth' front, even when they'd like to get to know my fiance more (as they too, will be getting married to him).
My question is, how should I approach my fiance about this? He likes to joke about my Others, and I'm sure that's his way to keep what happened from being too weird in his mind. He's a good person, and we're doing alright together now. I want to be truely open with him, but I'm afraid of making him uncomfortable. Any suggestions or hints?
-P.C.
--"Off the Pink."--
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}