Introduction And A Question...

[matrexsvigil.livejournal.com]

Hello everyone, my name is Pam, and I'm pretty sure I'm a multiple. I don't doubt the exsistance of the Others in my mind, but I do doubt the label. A quite large intro (skip to the end for the question):

My others have all been around since I was 11 or so. Matrexs came first, then Andre, then the Totems, and then Seth. I named Matrexs after a character in one of my stories because she was so full of hate and anger. I'm 100% sure that Matrexs appeared due to the emotional abuse of my mother and grandmother's drinking and drug use (no need for details unless someone is interested). I don't believe Matrexs came from my stories, it just felt right to name her that. She's allowed me to turn my emotions completely off when needed...and sometimes when I didn't want to.

The others I'm not so sure of. Andre came to me one night, scaring the living crap out of me, claiming he was a demon of lust (another long story). He's continued to claim that he's a demon for 10 years now. While I've always been open to possibility of supernatural influences in my life and such, his jealousy, rapant sexual drive, and fierce protection of me...make me doubt that he's an actual being of negativity from some nether dimension. He may be. I can't prove either way.

The Totems (their name and mine), have been around since around the summer right before I turned 14. I had gotten into a car accident and a lot of weird stuff happened in my mind in the few moments I lost consciousness. The Totems slowly showed themselves over the next few months and into the school year. They claimed to be my Totems, my guardians, and beings who were going to guide me until I could take care of myself.

Are the Totems actual animal and mythological animal spirits who have chosen me to protect and guide? They've never changed their story for 8 years. Recently, after I met my (now) fiance, they started to fade into the background in the guardian and guide rolls.

Seth came to me one night, after I had been fighting with my best friend (whom I had stupidly fallen in love with) about her involvement with another friend of ours. Seth seemed confused and claimed to be a newly created demon--hence why he was still so human. (Andre seems more malicious than Seth) He claimed to be a demon of spite. He's never fronted but in rare cases, when I'm extremely upset with someone and wish bad things about them, it's like he's whispering in my ear. I've never done anything cause of him doing that, but it is creepy to have a 'normal' seeming teenager suddenly act so evil.

My best friend (the same one I mentioned before), knows that I have these Others. Like myself, she's uncertian as to whether they are mental or supernatural. She treats the Others like people and has never once made fun of me for being this way. She's supportive, even if we don't really talk about it anymore.

As for my fiance, I've explained it to him to. He seemed pretty fine with it, until he actually had to meet them. Ninty percent of the time, my Others respect my wishes to act like me if I'm around other people, and they'd like to come out. I might seem a little more happy when Dolphin is fronting or horny when Andre is (for example), but they've done a great job of keeping me looking 'sane.'

My fiance was forced to meet them after he had revealed some pretty shocking news to me. Because of this news (details aren't important cause they're embarassing, at least on my end), I freaked out and shoved Andre out to front while I tried to come back to reality. Andre was beyond pissed at what my fiance had done and made it very clear that it was him and not me. My fiance's first clue was that I had returned from the bathroom from whence I had fled and wasn't crying at all.

He seemed more concerned that he had upset me so much than the fact that he was actually talking to Andre. After a while, his initial shock wore off, and he found out that he doesn't like Andre very much. Saving 'me' from a huge arguement cause of Andre, Dragon knocked him out of the front and allowed Dolphin to front.

Safe to say that when I was finally able to come back to the front, everything was alright. While my fiance wasn't comfortable with what had just happened, he didn't freak out and leave me either.

After that day, Dolphin at least, has wanted to front more often and actually be himself. I haven't let him, because I'm afraid that my fiance will associate my Others with that horrible day/arguement. Sometimes it hurts really bad for me to force my Others to stay quiet and 'stealth' front, even when they'd like to get to know my fiance more (as they too, will be getting married to him).

My question is, how should I approach my fiance about this? He likes to joke about my Others, and I'm sure that's his way to keep what happened from being too weird in his mind. He's a good person, and we're doing alright together now. I want to be truely open with him, but I'm afraid of making him uncomfortable. Any suggestions or hints?

-P.C.

--"Off the Pink."--

Comments

[kyouketsusha.livejournal.com]

It's good that at least he knows about your Others, rather than you hiding them from him. And I hate to say it, but if you all being who you are makes him umcomfortable, perhaps you shouldn't be together :/ Definitely sit down and talk to him about it/them and let him know that you're not joking and that they are real and have feelings too.

Andre reminds me of my other... :) She agrees, too.

[matrexsvigil.livejournal.com]

He understands for the most part that they're people and have feelings. He's confused along with me as to their origin, but he's not mean with his jokes.

He gets along with Dolphin when he sees that he's fronting, he jokes and flirts with him (Dolphin is bi-curious and playfully disturbed by my fiance's flirting). He only gets really uncomfortable when Andre, Dragon, or Wolf front (as he's never met Red-Tailed Hawk, Tiger, Utah Raptor, and Seth).

It's hard to explain that he seems uncomfortable with it but not in a bad way. Maybe he still doesn't understand and is afraid I'll dissapear?

-P.C.

--"Off the Pink."--

[kyouketsusha.livejournal.com]

Hmm, it's possible. After all, it is you and not your others who he really fell in love with, even though they're a part of you as well. And also, the ones he feels uncumfortable around... they're more aggressive, aren't they? Aggressive and protective of you. Maybe he feels threatened by them?

[matrexsvigil.livejournal.com]

Andre is very arrogant in a smug bastard kinda way. He's very jealous of my fiance's love for me, and isn't afraid to be an ass when he fronts (and can get away with it).

Dragon believes that he's the top guy in my headspace. He is the most powerful and a bit smarter than everyone else. In the one time he spoke with my fiance (on that day), he treated him like a child. Dragon saw my fiance as someone who abused what little space they were given and wasn't afraid to let him know that.

I understand that my fiance probably doesn't want to talk to these two unless they can be civil. That's alright. I don't want them talking either, unless they can keep a decent attitude.

I just want the others to be able to front (Dolphin especially), but I don't want my fiance automatically thinking something is goiing wrong just cause I'm not at the controls.

-P.C.

--"Off the Pink."--

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Your initial description of the relationship raised my suspicions, but this is what really set off my yellow alert;

"I just want the others to be able to front (Dolphin especially), but I don't want my fiance automatically thinking something is going wrong just cause I'm not at the controls."

You all need to look at this man's character and decide if he's capable of deep, internal change or if he's always going to hold some amount of prejudice.

[spookshow-girl.livejournal.com]

He's not going to develop another association if that's the only time it happened. People are not going to learn to trust each other by being kept apart.

Tell him your concerns.

--Me

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

Andre came to me one night, scaring the living crap out of me, claiming he was a demon of lust (another long story). He's continued to claim that he's a demon for 10 years now. While I've always been open to possibility of supernatural influences in my life and such, his jealousy, rapant sexual drive, and fierce protection of me...make me doubt that he's an actual being of negativity from some nether dimension.

If indeed he is a "demon," the appellation may have been applied to him by someone other than himself. The label of "demon," as well as the issue of who and what can qualify as one, seems often to have to do with what is convenient for others; all things which are inconvenient, undesirable, overindulgent or do not readily yield to another's will may be judged demons or demonic, regardless of their intrinsic nature and intents.

In some cases, clinging to the label may be in defiance of those who applied it, or defiance of common ideas about demons.

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

Hmmm... first of all, "mental" and "supernatural" are just arbitrary categories that don't have any existence outside of semantics. The brain is connected to the rest of the body; the body's connected to the rest of the world; the world comprises everything we're able to sense and a whole lot more that we're not able to sense. This doesn't necessarily mean that any of it is 'supernatural' ('outside nature', not part of the ordinary course of things) - all it means is that there's a great deal of stuff we don't understand, and may never understand.

Therefore, trying to categorize your Others according to these arbitrary definitions is probably a waste of time. If your Others claim to be demons, spirit guides or whatever, that's okay - you can accept that that's what they think, without necessarily thinking it yourself.

If it comes down to a choice between your fiancé feeling uncomfortable or your Others being forced to hide and keep quiet so you can marry a guy who doesn't accept them, then IMHO your fiancé is just going to have to 'man up' and learn to deal with his discomfort. If he can't or won't do that, he's not the guy for you, and marrying him is very, very likely to make everybody concerned miserable. Boyfriends and husbands come and go; the people who share your body stay, and they have a far better claim to your loyalty and support than some random guy, no matter how nice that guy seems right now.

"Dragon saw my fiance as someone who abused what little space they were given and wasn't afraid to let him know that."

Ummm.... consider the possibility that Dragon may be right about this guy. My 'brother' Kír turned out to be absolutely right about both my husbands, though I sure didn't want to hear it at the time. I say, back Dragon up instead of undermining him or trying to silence him - if his attitude toward your fiancé isn't 'civil', maybe there's good reasons for that. On the other hand, maybe it'll become more civil if you stop trying to censor him and just let him say whatever he needs to say.

Living La Vie Plurale is complicated, and one of the most complicated things I've found about sharing this body with two guys is dealing with the male mind-set, particularly where it comes to things like confrontations. Our housemate is also plural; his 'brother' Frost and my 'brother' Kír are good buddies now, but on the occasion of their second conversation together they got into one heck of a scary Alpha-vs.-Alpha row - which distressed the rest of us a great deal, but they both said it was nothing, it was natural and expected. After that, they got along fine, having apparently established their respective strength and standing to their satisfaction.

Guys do this sort of thing, bizarre as it may seem to those of us of the female persuasion, and a lot of times it's best to stop trying to play Peacemaker, get out of the way, and let them have at it. If your fiancé isn't secure enough in his masculinity to cope with challenges from the men who share *his* woman's body, it's really best that you find this out before you marry him, because your 'brothers' aren't going away, and, being guys, they're probably not going to stop challenging him.

Final bit of advice: don't marry or live with anybody unless all of you fully agree to it. Imagine how much you'd hate it if one of your Others found a mate you couldn't stand, and expected you to shut up, stay out of sight, and just tolerate the situation for the rest of your life - your Others would probably hate it just as much, and that's no recipe for Happily Ever After, believe me.

[matrexsvigil.livejournal.com]

Hey, thanks for your responses. I need to have an in-system chat about all of this. I appreciate you guys taking time to consider my question.

-P.C.

--"Off the Pink."--