An ill-timed disappearing act

[hetchel.livejournal.com]

Hello, all! Let us celebrate the e-birth of my own journal with a question.

Somewhat recently my group experienced a rather upsetting event (to put it very mildly), and sadly discovered that there was an utter lack of communication during it. Only one more of us was able to squeeze through, days after the fact, to steady things out some. It was a bit of a shock, I tell you—made us re-consider our possible origin(s) and/or reasons for being!

So, the question:
Have any of you experienced this in a similar sort of situation? Hopefully you haven't had to deal with anything particularly dire, but still... do you find that what you had considered a support network can suddenly vanish when the going gets rough? (Possibly 'stranding' someone at the front, I suppose, if you've no usual/original around.)

Comments

Hard to say

[spookshow-girl.livejournal.com]

I'm not entirely sure what you are describing.

Our relation to, and communication with, each other has varied at points.

--Me

[hetchel.livejournal.com]

Excuse me. :)

There is one constant person at front here, who may be called the 'original', to use a common word. During recent hard times, the rest of us have been unable to communicate with the constant/original, which seems a bit silly since we've always thought we were here to help with these things.

(Does that help?)

*nods*

[spookshow-girl.livejournal.com]

No worries.

It's helps, although our circumstances doesn't really lend to that experience. I have heard of it happening, however, and more than once.

--Me

[random-element.livejournal.com]

This has happened a few times to me. Especially during flashbacks, which, believe me, are upsetting and have made me question the system's reason for being there as well as my sanity. It usually leaves my system in a state of shock even if not everyone has had the flashback, which unfourtunately seems to usually center around an individual who gets thrust to the front. It screws up the switches and makes it hard for our system to properly functionm for days afterwards. We do have security who can leap to the front if someone in the system gets into a situation they should not be in, but during a flashback that sort of falls apart...I do have a support network on the outside in the way of my friends, but sometimes this is the best I can do. Maybe this has no relevance, but no offense, the entry was a little vague as to the details of what happened.

[hetchel.livejournal.com]

It is relevant! Thank you for your reply... I'm sorry you've had such trouble. It's quite nice that you have some supportive friends, though!

No offense taken, either—the vagueness was on purpose. I don't feel comfortable sharing details, especially not on a public forum.

[hetchel.livejournal.com]

Hmm! Silliest thing, isn't it? Here it's opened the door for even more doubts... I hope that isn't the case with your lot.

[hetchel.livejournal.com]

That's true in all matters, I think. :)

[ridetothesea.livejournal.com]

Yup. When things get rough I tend to have the bad habit of locking myself out front. Sometimes it's something I consciously do, but usually it's just something that happens, for whatever reason. There are varying degrees of it for us, too. If I'm really upset, I'll snatch front away from whoever is there and make it so I can't be pushed off front. I don't know how I do this, though I'm sure it has something to do with my emotions at the time, because normally I can easily step aside and let someone else front.

If I stay in that agitated state for whatever reason, communication tends to shut down, and I'm still front but I can't talk to anyone back. They can still see what's going on, but they can't do anything about it, and they can't talk to me. It's not a happy feeling for anyone when it happens, either.

Luckily we've been working on it, and we've found that while one person can't stop me from blocking everybody, several specific people working together can. I'm trying very, very hard to find a better way of coping other than immediate shut down, and I haven't done it in a while.

I've found that when I am stranded at front, it helps if someone is always there with me, even if they can't talk to me, because sometimes the blocks slip for a little bit, and the reassurance of having that connection, albeit brief, can sometimes be enough to snap me out of blocking.

And um, sorry for the ramble. :)

_Ran

[hetchel.livejournal.com]

No need to be sorry for that! There's nothing like a good ramble. :>

What an interesting habit that is. Perhaps that's what ours does... wouldn't surprise me, she's a very protective sort. In any case, I hope you continue to make good progress!

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

Yes, in fact, that's a much better description of our experience than the whole "a multiple always puts someone else out front to deal with things" stereotype.

[hetchel.livejournal.com]

Curious! I didn't think this would be such a common thing. Don't know whether to be reassured or what, since it's not exactly a pleasant thing for people to experience.

I shall henceforth disregard that stereotype entirely. :)

[shadowechoes.livejournal.com]

That happens to some of us sometimes too. Usually it's not so much a case of "shove that person out and keep them there while they deal for things and we disappear," it's more like, so-and-so is at the front, starts having a bad time of something, and gets stuck up there until they calm down. It happens a lot to one of our teens, BrokenWings. When she starts getting upset, she can lose contact with the rest of us and be stuck up front. One of our kids, Ball, also has very poor communication with the rest of us and when she manages to take the front, she then finds it very hard to step away because she doesn't really have any access I guess to the inside world we have (in our "headspace" the front is portrayed as a large window, so if we want to stop fronting, we "step away from the window", but since Ball can't see the window in the first place, she doesn't know how to step away from it - hope that makes more sense).

Other times though, during extreme situations, we can get very blendy or very switchy. It just varies I guess.

~Echo

[hetchel.livejournal.com]

I rather like your window analogy... wish we had something like that here! It's all quite nebulous. Fraught with mystery, like. hehe

[fireincarnation.livejournal.com]

I've had people stranded front with no communication due to a medicational side effect, but never due to trauma.

[hetchel.livejournal.com]

We've heard of that too. Quite unfortunate... but not an impossible thing to change, thankfully. :)

[temps-vivant.livejournal.com]

Something like that happens to us, as well, but in a more 'condensed' way. In times of extreme stress, and I mean the kind where "fight or flight" is kicking in, the front locks down, keeping everyone fronting or present stuck where they were, unable to exchange positions and unable to leave. At the same time, others can't enter or even find out what the heck is going on, only knowing that this inability to find out means that it must be something very, very bad indeed.

We think of it as a kind of built-in "safety feature" in the front, something to ensure that in dangerous times that the front doesn't become completely abandoned when action might be needed to preserve it.