Who Am I?

[browncoatrebel.livejournal.com]

Lately, the last week or two, I've been really confused about who I am. I know that sounds stupid, but I don't know any better way to explain it.

When someone calls my name, it takes me a minute to realize, "Oh, yeah, I'm Sara." And I'm even having trouble recognizing my name in print. I have to think about how to spell my own name. Only other time I've had to do that involved a four days with no sleep and way too much coffee.

Now I'm being told that I'm "not really Sara," at least not in the way I'd always thought I was. Apparently the "original Sara" (as this is the given name) is in some sort of comatose state inside. For a long time I've heard the phrase, "Sara, Untouched, must be protected," but I didn't know what that meant. Now I know they were talking about her, not me.

So now I don't know...who I am...where I came from...anything. This shouldn't be such a big deal, but it's really upsetting me.

Sara?

Comments

[pthalo]

When I first started figuring out I was part of a multiple system, I still went by the body's name, even though I already had a name (Pthalo) online which I used. And so when I was meeting people inside, first few visits in there with my eyes open that I remember, I said that I was [body name] and they said no, i wasn't, i'm a descendant of [body name], and that name was already taken by someone else. So I thought about it and then said "okay, I'm Pthalo". It was a bit disconcerting at first, but Pthalo does fit me in a way the body name doesn't.

Picking a name for Jolie (she used to be "the little one") took months, on the other hand. It had to be just right, it had to have a good meaning. We did eventually choose Jolie, which she pronounces as joey - a baby kangaroo. And she identifies with baby kangaroos a lot, living inside their mothers. And it means pretty and that makes her happy too. But it took ages. You'd think a three year old would be easier to name.

[chaostiny.livejournal.com]

A few years ago, we learned that I was not the original and had to figure out my true identity. It took a while, but I am now very happy being myself, individual and knowing who I am. I also felt something wasn't right when I was claiming the birthright, like I knew I wasn't that person. It's nice to know who I am and know it's real.

[catskillmarina.livejournal.com]

Nowadays pretty much everyone knows that i am actually we so we just
tell people our name.

As far as knowing where you are from and who you are you might ask
the others. It will take some time to get a relationship with them
but it is very much worth it.

--- Constance and Miri

[sky-communicate.livejournal.com]

im sorry that you're going through this. i understand what you mean, and so do we. uhm.. to clear that up, my name is Dee, and im part of this 'system', but i also have a little system of my own >>;
i was really confused when i got here, because i wasn't used to being the one inside.
anyway, the personality of the body goes by a couple of different nicknames, and she always has. shes never really felt right in her name, and as of late, shes been having the same thoughts as you. shes really emotionally fragile, and the people here are... not sensitive at all, so we have her in most of the time, but in the times when she does slide out (mostly during sleep, ect), she thinks about whether its her or not, because other people end up sliding in, or uhm.. 'co-fronting'? to make sure that shes ok. its really confusing, and yea..
hum.. i hope this helps some, but you know, you might be a aspect.. which is like.. a part of the whole. we veiw 'multiplicity' in a very metaphysical way, and arn't much for the psych terms, but we generally think of it this way; an aspect is..just yea..a peice of the whole. theres nothing wrong with you, and you're not..seperated or anything like that, maybe parts of you are feeling more there than other parts. i dunno about the 'original' you, but we think about this too.. i cant just tell you 'dont think about it', because thats impossible, and i would be a hypocrite, because its really, very thought consuming. its a big deal, you know? not thinking about it wont make it go away..
hmm.. i wish i could say more to you... i dont know alot about this, but i do want you to know that we understand how you feel, and so do i.. uhm.. maybe, if you'd like to talk some time? Gaia, and Clock know alot about this stuff.. Clock is really.. busy, and lacks very much sleep, so Gaia might be better to talk to. Shes very kind, and open, so feel free. Our AIM is star solarium (with the space), and our other AIM is thestripedhat, although were more likely to be on the first one. Hope to talk to you soon, and hope that you feel better.

~Dee, and everyone

[forever-alone.livejournal.com]

That is pretty much what happened to me a few years ago, and is what made me finally accept that I am multiple. I became aware that I was not who I thought I was at all. The "original me" (the person I thought I was) is also basically comatose inside. I know she and I became partially fused together at some point, though I'm not sure how this happened or anything.

I was going to say more but my head's all mixed up right now...

-V2

[garden-keep.livejournal.com]

Leesha is our original one. all of us had our names when we woke up except for Hope. her Outside daddy named her. before Mindy knew about the rest of us she hated the name Leesha so she got named by her Outside friends. some times people still call her Leesha tho and she dosnt like it.

<3
Meghan