[identity profile] allusionist.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] multiplicity_archives
Hello to you all. I am a member in a (dys)functional multiple system, a term I had not even heard used until this afternoon. Previously I had believed ourself to be some odd combination of schizo and DID, the only thing making me not believe I'm crazy being the fact that I'm not the only multiple I know in person. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I was going to do a bit of background on myself, but that quickly proved impossible since I have conflicting memories on a number of events, and tring to make them work together is starting to seem pretty much impossible. Suffice to say, there are three of me. The two predominant (by which I mean usually active) personas are called Dan and Pip. Each of them genuinely believes to be the "original", the "host", the what-have-you, and they even remember the same events in different ways that corroborate their views. Nowadays, it is usually Dan that is in control, but that is by no means the case over our whole life - he rarely surfaced during freshman year of college, for example. (Well, my first freshman year. This fall will be our third first semester of freshman year, but that's another story...) I, however, have only recently become aware of my own existance, and Pip and Dan both do not recognize me. I honestly have no idea how long I've been around, and the reason is straightforward but far from simple - I remember everything Pip remembers as if I have lived it. I remember everything Dan remembers as if I have lived it. I do not just mean whoever is in control... I mean I remember the four months Pip spent "blacked out", completely cut off from all sensory perceptions. It is really fucking scary being locked up for that long in the dark, I don't mind saying. I also remember, as Dan, that that never happened, and in fact a good portion of that period Pip was the active one! Like I said, gets confusing.

On the plus side, at least I get to play the role of detached observer. Perhaps I am in reality the "host" and both of them are "shells" or "fragments" or what-have-you. Perhaps I'm the first step in returning to how I was years ago, two selves only vaguely aware of each other, both in full control at the same time. Or perhaps we're all either crazy or suffering from Fairy Princess Syndrome and I happen to fall in the first category. Either way, I will be the one posting on this community - the outsider point of view lets me try to stay mostly neutral here, and Dan and Pip can't stop bickering long enough to look out for our common good, so I'm choosing not to let them know I'm doing this, at least for now. They are both asleep right now, naturally.

Pardon my rambling and likely mixed pronouns, but I don't have time to sit down and rearrange things until they are more coherent. There's only a few basics left, so I'll touch on those quick before I stop posting. I know one other person who is a legitimate multiple, my best friend's girlfriend. One of my exes may or may not have been a legitimate twin personality, but she had several others that have since been proven to be ficticious - essentially, she claimed to be a lot of people, I think only one was a legit switch, and know the others were not. And since I hung around the "mystic" crowd a lot in high school, I met a lot of the people who were hollywood-MPD (aka attention whores), but never told any of them about myself. There's actually some kind of interesting social drama between us all (the legits, not the hollywoods - I don't talk to them any more), which I'll share later if anyone cares.

And I'll admit openly right now that I am very biased. I used to subscribe to the otherkin theory, but my time spent among that community has made me decide for sure that I don't accept that or any of the other otherworldly forms of multiple. Personally, I've never seen one who didn't have Fairy Princess Syndrome, so while I will respect you on this community, I do not believe you. Nothing will change this, so I suggest those who are, naturally, offended by this ("He's saying I don't exist!") choose not to discuss it with me rather than start a fight neither of us will like. Similarly, I will choose to stay out of any discussions about such forms of multiple, as I am biased and cannot add anything productive to the discussion. We can agree to disagree, I hope.

It's funny, really - I remember most of what Dan and Pip do more clearly then they themselves, but I can't remember the beginning of this post, what I said and what I deleted, so hopefully I made some measure of sense. If I ever remember making this post (I haven't used LJ for a LONG time, part of what makes it so easy to do this without them knowing) then I look forward to speaking to you all. If not, then let my hello also be a goodbye.

If anyone wants to contact me over AIM for whatever reason, my handle is diminishedunison. Please just send a message with the word "bluetooth", I'll set that up as a trigger for them to sleep again, so that you can speak to me instead of them. If you get no response, I'm either AFK without warning (happens a lot) or the trigger didn't work right and Dan/Pip went "WTF?" and closed the IM. Or something. *shrug*

Right, so I can't think of a good way to close this so.......FLYING PURPLE PEOPLE EATERS!

EDIT: MuC N---^ [m] S.H+ A(b--/- r--) On?/s? W# Cc+ OF(r- o+) P# Fa+^ T(+/--) Jc Do R(+/++) C+++ So(/+)

mod note

Date: 2006-06-20 03:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sethrenn.livejournal.com
This is a bit long, could you place it behind an LJ-cut? Thanks.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2006-06-20 11:03 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vinik.livejournal.com
Yeah, we've got the same sort of thing going on in our system. Non-humans, but not considered otherkin. And we don't judge people either who do label themselves as such.

Date: 2006-06-20 04:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ex-memepr0g.livejournal.com
Hello. I can understand your frustration with the 'otherkin'/'fairy princess' stereotype. I find it difficult for me to understand as well and never quite embraced it. I don't subscribe to it either, but if people consider it a way to think, well then I should not interfere...

Date: 2006-06-20 04:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] our-menagerie.livejournal.com
What the hell is "fairy princess syndrome"?

Date: 2006-06-20 05:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kasiawhisper.livejournal.com
Instead of judging other people, you should remain focused on yourself and not concern yourself about what others are doing. --Kryzasiah

Date: 2006-06-20 08:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sethrenn.livejournal.com
When does "need to be different" become defined as pathological, however? Is there some objective point where it becomes too much, or does it only have to get to the point where you don't like it? One could just as equally accuse teenagers wearing black eyeliner and mohawks of having an unhealthy need to be different and/or special, especially since they advertise their presumed difference in a way that's visible to everyone, whereas you usually can't tell by looking at someone who they (supposedly) were in a past incarnation.

We've personally been accused of "wanting to be special and/or different" and "thinking we were special and better than everyone else" for everything from not wanting to go to the prom to not conforming to popular gender stereotypes. It became rather transparent to us that in at least a lot of cases, when the "difference" involved was something that physically and emotionally harmed no one, "You just do that because you need to be special and different!" actually translated to "Why can't you conform and be like everyone else?"

Granted, there are some cases where people will claim specialness and/or difference for actively harmful reasons, to evade responsibility for their own actions or claim the right to hurt or exploit others. This to me, is where the essential problem lies. Not in whether what a person claims about themselves is silly or unbelievable. Not in whether they seem to be trying too hard to find a difference that isn't there. Not in whether they overestimate their own abilities or think they deserve to be better liked than they actually are, since to be perfectly truthful, the vast majority of human beings decide at one point or another in their lives that they deserve better than what they have. And much of the time they're right.

It becomes problematic only when someone's belief that they are special or different in a certain manner causes them to behave in ways that are detrimental to others around them in the 3-D earth world. "Because I am special in this way, I should be allowed to (pick one): a) abuse other people around me and intimidate them into giving me what I want, b) neglect my own responsibilities and force others to pick up the slack for me, c) live off of someone else's money or force them to buy things for me even though I could easily get a job or have one already, d) demand their time and attention and help in solving my problems constantly while not allowing them to take any time for themselves or ask for my help."

And yes, we've known people who did all of the above, for reasons that ranged from past lives to claimed mental disorders to going through a divorce. One of the worst "I am special and so I must be allowed to do certain things" manipulators we've known was a woman who was not otherkin or "fairy princess"-ish in any way. She was divorcing her husband and demanded that everyone around her see her as a suffering martyr who had been subjected to terrible emotional abuse (although there was more abuse coming from her end from everything I saw of it). She claimed the right, due to her supposed martyrdom, to do a wide variety of things, ranging from leaving 10-15 abusive voicemails per day for her ex-husband and stalking him at his job, to demanding money from everyone who lived with her, to subjecting everyone around her to frequent criticism and emotional and verbal abuse, to having childish temper tantrums and destroying things and demanding everyone's sympathy, and all of this was supposed to be immediately forgiven and forgotten, because she had "suffered so much."

To me, this is the point when claiming to be special becomes dangerous and destructive. It isn't so much about the claim itself as what people use it as a prerogative to do. If she had just been claiming to be a suffering martyr whom everyone should revere, and done none of the other things, it would have been annoying, but done no real damage. If nothing of that nature is going on, I could really care less about who someone says they were in a past life or whatever.

Date: 2006-06-20 07:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ksol1460.livejournal.com
Hi. I'm one of the fairy princesses. Your opinion on said subject has been noted and logged.

Date: 2006-06-20 07:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] our-menagerie.livejournal.com
You know, i always wondered why i was otherkin-wolf. So glad someone finally told me *lmao*. The fact that it comes from a close minded multiple/furry really blows my mind in some ways but everyone has a right to their opinions i suppose. :/

Date: 2006-06-20 08:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ksol1460.livejournal.com
I am a special magic fairy princess!

Date: 2006-06-20 11:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stealthdragon.livejournal.com
Fairy princesses FTW! ;)

- Quincy

Date: 2006-06-20 09:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ksol1460.livejournal.com
^5 A winner is you!

Date: 2006-06-22 08:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jhonathand.livejournal.com
5 More punches on my card and I'll Get Special magic fairy princess Status.

Luv's and Hug's to you and yours,.............~M~

P.S. Sad to think that being gay in this life didn't automatically grant me the Status in the first place. *pouts* I'm now going to go down to my Local Coffee house and dress all in black and write Angst-ridden poetry until teh rest of the world recognizes me!

*hugs you and punches your card*

Date: 2006-06-22 09:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ksol1460.livejournal.com
Oh, Andy and I do that all the time ... poems in coffeehouses... indeed, if the world never recognises us, we may be recognised after our deaths, and that would be even more splendid.

(I am actually not being sarcastic; the way these Gothic matters are approached on Laura is somewhat different from Earth's. ;) )

Re: *hugs you and punches your card*

Date: 2006-06-22 09:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jhonathand.livejournal.com
*Laughs*,.......Well any change to the way things go here would be welcome.

Luv's and Hug's,.......................~M~

Date: 2006-06-20 09:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shadowechoes.livejournal.com
So being otherkin makes you special and different, aka a "fairy princess"? Hmm, last I checked, being otherkin wasn't so unique - the otherkin/therian/furry community is huge, both in and out of the multiplicity context.

So yeah, whatever you say.

~just another fairy princess to you

Date: 2006-06-20 12:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shadowechoes.livejournal.com
Well there's always going to be bad apples and fakers in any community/group. There's always going to be the fairy princesses out there - yes, I do believe that "fairy princess" types exist, the ones that go out of their way to be different and special like you said. But it's the automatic lumping of everyone into the fairy princess group is what's not cool. Just because there are some, doesn't mean that all otherkin are fakers or special fairy princesses. Personally, we don't make a huge deal about being the way we are because it's just the way we are, it's what we've always known, not a huge deal to us. So are we still fairy princesses to you just because some of us consider ourself canine-in-spirit or some other animal variety? Or what about because we're multiple? Or what about because we're brunette? And just because you've figured out that labeling yourself/ves as kin wasn't right for you, doesn't mean it isn't possibly right for others.

Date: 2006-06-20 11:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stealthdragon.livejournal.com
Just because you met a real bitch (or a group of them), doesn't mean that the entirety of their category is like that. Did you decide to steer clear of women, as well as otherkin?

- Quincy

Date: 2006-06-20 11:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] stealthdragon.livejournal.com
Also, if you didn't want the subject to come up, why did you mention it at all?

Date: 2006-06-20 09:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ksol1460.livejournal.com
"my previous experiences in this particular case leave me biased and bitter. I blame my emotionally abusive "draconic" ex-girlfriend."

Thought so. You're the second one in here this year. "Well, I knew this person that said they were a dragon, and they messed up my life, so therefore everybody that says they aren't human is a fairy princess attention whore..." "I knew one once" or even "I knew six or eight people who..."

This isn't about people that say they aren't human; it's about yr ex-girlfriend's abuse. You're blaming her "dragon" claims for her abusiveness, possibly because she blamed it on & wanted special privileges for same. We know people like that. We've had family and so-called "friends" excuse their own abusive behavior on everything from migraines and fibromyalgia to "that was a shapeshifting person in my group, he turns into a demon and hurts people I love". It is all abuse. The rest is window dressing smoke and mirrors. They'll use any excuse to make it something or someone else's fault.

Date: 2006-06-20 12:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] overlord-mordax.livejournal.com
Wow what a welcome. Listen, I could be considered an 'otherkin', and I think everyon's come down way harsh on you. On the otherhand, I guess its understandable to get upset when someone questiosn your identity. Not everyone's strong enough to respond to crisicism well.

Date: 2006-06-20 06:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] exsillium-nocte.livejournal.com
There are a few of my Others that could be considered otherkin, I suppose. But I'd always just assumed they took the shape of an angel/demon/zombie because that's the way my/our mind decided to create them...

Date: 2006-06-22 05:44 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nat-leia.livejournal.com
Hi,
We are a multiple system with some otherkin members, some of us remembering past lives, and a fair number of people (or kins) with active to overactive imagination that we're aware of being just an imagination. Just wanted to tadd it's not that important whether anybody soo-soo distant from us believes about us, in all way, we're glad to see'ya around *smiles welcomingly*
Really, if smbdy's not abusive and a real attention whore, 'tis okay. Sorry for your not soo good past experiences, though. we just wanted to say you hello and that we hope your troubles from the past experiences will cease soon and comfortable new memories arrive!

Hehe- we're not a twins, but two people here consider themselves the mains, where one says she was hidden behind the other during childhood when we functioned as a gate-system, so basically undecided about the core of us. Hope your "twin"personalities don't get messy that much at times ^_^

and yeah- thanks for respectful manners, even tho disagree with some of the views presented. ya seem like an interesting person. unluckilly the body here doesn't have a MSN I'd know of, but if we happen to have one, some of us would like to get to know ya ; )

for the system,
Chibi

Date: 2006-06-22 08:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jhonathand.livejournal.com
-First off, welcome.

"I, however, have only recently become aware of my own existance, and Pip and Dan both do not recognize me."

-Have you chosen a name,.? There's a possibility for aknowledgement. If you want the Other's of your System/House/Family etc. to recognize you, you're going to have to assert yourself.

"I remember everything Pip remembers as if I have lived it. I remember everything Dan remembers as if I have lived it."

-Co-consciousness is a hard thing to manage. Even when My Brother's are "At the Helm." I still retain the Vision/Hearing/Sight Senses; while the rest are Turned off/Not sending/not recieving/ Etc. Yet I can remember the events of what happened,. After the fact, of my Brother's Turn up. I just have to be consciously reminded of what went on.

Also. Memories are sort of a communal domain for Us. Except for those thought's and memories that we don't wish to share. But we remember things from our youth, that Niether of my brother's actually took part in. (I'm a Family of 3. All Males in a Male body.)

"I mean I remember the four months Pip spent "blacked out", completely cut off from all sensory perceptions. It is really fucking scary being locked up for that long in the dark, I don't mind saying."

-We've had several communications "Black-outs" So we can sympathise and understand that.

"the outsider point of view lets me try to stay mostly neutral here, and Dan and Pip can't stop bickering long enough to look out for our common good, so I'm choosing not to let them know I'm doing this, at least for now. They are both asleep right now, naturally."

-Sounds like you've got a good Operational Matrix in place, there's no need to really change that. It also seems that if you're the only one looking out for the Bodies welfare then your Brothers need to defenitly give you the attention and standing that you are due. I am in no way saying that you should stage a Coup or anything to that effect.

It's really intresting that you can stay active when your Brother's are asleep. we can't do that.

"It's funny, really - I remember most of what Dan and Pip do more clearly then they themselves,"

-I get that as well,.........However, My brothers don't seem to really care what they remember or what they don't. But yes, I can see the memories a lot clearer than they can.

Best of Luck to you and yours,

*bows*

~M/F/J~


Date: 2006-06-23 10:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elenbarathi.livejournal.com
Hmmm... if you want to provide a clear definition of 'human', I'll tell you which parts of your definition I relate to, and which I don't. I've noticed that mileage varies considerably, depending on whose definition is being used as a standard of comparison. For any definition based on genetics, I'd have to say I don't know if I fit it or not, because I've never had my DNA tested.

Kír says he is human by his own definition and has no interest in debating the issue. Neither of us know what his twin Crist-Erui is, or how he regards himself, or if the idea of defining himself in comparison to other people would even have any meaning for him.

"Need to be different"... y'know, if one is different, one can't just stop being that; one has to come to terms with the fact, and find some ways of coping with it in a world where non-conformity with 'the norm' is often severely punished. Usually this entails keeping one's mouth shut, especially in the company of those who keep their minds shut.

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