multiplicity_archives | Greetings from a newcomer. (Reply)

Hello to you all. I am a member in a (dys)functional multiple system, a term I had not even heard used until this afternoon. Previously I had believed ourself to be some odd combination of schizo and DID, the only thing making me not believe I'm crazy being the fact that I'm not the only multiple I know in person. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I was going to do a bit of background on myself, but that quickly proved impossible since I have conflicting memories on a number of events, and tring to make them work together is starting to seem pretty much impossible. Suffice to say, there are three of me. The two predominant (by which I mean usually active) personas are called Dan and Pip. Each of them genuinely believes to be the "original", the "host", the what-have-you, and they even remember the same events in different ways that corroborate their views. Nowadays, it is usually Dan that is in control, but that is by no means the case over our whole life - he rarely surfaced during freshman year of college, for example. (Well, my first freshman year. This fall will be our third first semester of freshman year, but that's another story...) I, however, have only recently become aware of my own existance, and Pip and Dan both do not recognize me. I honestly have no idea how long I've been around, and the reason is straightforward but far from simple - I remember everything Pip remembers as if I have lived it. I remember everything Dan remembers as if I have lived it. I do not just mean whoever is in control... I mean I remember the four months Pip spent "blacked out", completely cut off from all sensory perceptions. It is really fucking scary being locked up for that long in the dark, I don't mind saying. I also remember, as Dan, that that never happened, and in fact a good portion of that period Pip was the active one! Like I said, gets confusing.

On the plus side, at least I get to play the role of detached observer. Perhaps I am in reality the "host" and both of them are "shells" or "fragments" or what-have-you. Perhaps I'm the first step in returning to how I was years ago, two selves only vaguely aware of each other, both in full control at the same time. Or perhaps we're all either crazy or suffering from Fairy Princess Syndrome and I happen to fall in the first category. Either way, I will be the one posting on this community - the outsider point of view lets me try to stay mostly neutral here, and Dan and Pip can't stop bickering long enough to look out for our common good, so I'm choosing not to let them know I'm doing this, at least for now. They are both asleep right now, naturally.

Pardon my rambling and likely mixed pronouns, but I don't have time to sit down and rearrange things until they are more coherent. There's only a few basics left, so I'll touch on those quick before I stop posting. I know one other person who is a legitimate multiple, my best friend's girlfriend. One of my exes may or may not have been a legitimate twin personality, but she had several others that have since been proven to be ficticious - essentially, she claimed to be a lot of people, I think only one was a legit switch, and know the others were not. And since I hung around the "mystic" crowd a lot in high school, I met a lot of the people who were hollywood-MPD (aka attention whores), but never told any of them about myself. There's actually some kind of interesting social drama between us all (the legits, not the hollywoods - I don't talk to them any more), which I'll share later if anyone cares.

And I'll admit openly right now that I am very biased. I used to subscribe to the otherkin theory, but my time spent among that community has made me decide for sure that I don't accept that or any of the other otherworldly forms of multiple. Personally, I've never seen one who didn't have Fairy Princess Syndrome, so while I will respect you on this community, I do not believe you. Nothing will change this, so I suggest those who are, naturally, offended by this ("He's saying I don't exist!") choose not to discuss it with me rather than start a fight neither of us will like. Similarly, I will choose to stay out of any discussions about such forms of multiple, as I am biased and cannot add anything productive to the discussion. We can agree to disagree, I hope.

It's funny, really - I remember most of what Dan and Pip do more clearly then they themselves, but I can't remember the beginning of this post, what I said and what I deleted, so hopefully I made some measure of sense. If I ever remember making this post (I haven't used LJ for a LONG time, part of what makes it so easy to do this without them knowing) then I look forward to speaking to you all. If not, then let my hello also be a goodbye.

If anyone wants to contact me over AIM for whatever reason, my handle is diminishedunison. Please just send a message with the word "bluetooth", I'll set that up as a trigger for them to sleep again, so that you can speak to me instead of them. If you get no response, I'm either AFK without warning (happens a lot) or the trigger didn't work right and Dan/Pip went "WTF?" and closed the IM. Or something. *shrug*

Right, so I can't think of a good way to close this so.......FLYING PURPLE PEOPLE EATERS!

EDIT: MuC N---^ [m] S.H+ A(b--/- r--) On?/s? W# Cc+ OF(r- o+) P# Fa+^ T(+/--) Jc Do R(+/++) C+++ So(/+)