Off to see the Head Doctor

[fireincarnation.livejournal.com]

I'm a a quite strange multiple system, who is looking to get on medical assistance, because I have bipolar 1 with rapid cycling, and it's hard for me to work full time. I'm very concerned about the doctor learning I am multiple, as I do not want that to go away, and I don't want the doctor to try to "treat" it or mess with that in any way. I've had a lot of bad experiences with psychiatrists, and for three years, I was kidnapped by a "school" claiming to focus on mental health, so I'm very apprehensive that this doctor will behave in the same way, will do something to mess up my system. I'm quite tempted to just not even mention being multiple . . .

As long as I am a functioning adult who is not a danger to myself and others, they can't keep me against my will, can they? The problem is, I'm gonna spend about an hour telling the doctor about how NOT functioning I am, and then hope that he doesn't try and put me away. Anyone else see the flaw in this logic? At a basal level, I'm capable of not hurting myself, dressing myself, eating somewhat regularly, cooking, cleaning, doing normal day-to-day things, but when I stay out in public for too long I get really anxious and I have to go home. Also the more I work, the worse my bipolar gets, which makes it real hard to function in "real life" and keep a job, pay the bills, etc.

Any advice?

Comments

[chaostiny.livejournal.com]

I am also a rapid cycling bipolar and multiple. I went through the interviews and questions and the worry that the psych may want to put me away. But... that is not their job. They are only there to determine your level of ability or disability... not to put you away. Unless you threaten something specific or are so out of it you can't function, (which would be obvious you needed help) they aren't going to do anything but evaluate you. As a matter of fact, I told the psychiatrist that did my SSI assessment that I was suicidal at the time and he told me to call my counsellor....
That is just my experience but I hope it is reassuring. The more honest you are, the more chance you have of being helped.

[fireincarnation.livejournal.com]

THANK YOU! This was just the encouraging thing I needed to hear. I don't really ever know if the worries I have of being put away are legitimate concerns or if they are because I was locked away for no legitimate reason as a teen.

[catskillmarina.livejournal.com]

If you don't like the Dr, fire him.
In the end you are the boss.

[hazelwindows.livejournal.com]

I went through a SS assessment too. I have also gone to crisis centers for feeling suicidal. By law, you cannot be committed unless you are threatening physical harm to others or if you are actively stating that you are planning on leaving and immediately attempting to kill yourself.
In the case of the assessment, they really are there on behalf of SS to assess, not to treat. They expect you to be messed up enough to be applying for disability, but not to be a physical danger to yourself or others at the time of your assessment.
In the case of a crisis center, they will only offer suggestions, but cannot enforce any of them against your will barring the above two exceptions.

[chorus-of-chaos.livejournal.com]

I think alot of it depends on where you are and the medical system that you are dealing with. Where I am I have had much the opposite of what other people have stated here. I HAVE been locked up strictly on the say so of my husband claiming I was suicidal, when I was not. I had the stomach flu and had been throwing up non stop for several days, was severely dehydrated, etc...he left to go stay with some woman for the weekend (I'm already on disability) and I was so bad off when he got home he had to call and ambulance. I think to cover the fact that he had abandoned me (he could have wound up in a lot of trouble for having left a disabled person who is technically in his care while they were that sick) he claimed I was suicidal so that they would not listen to anything I said...and they bought it.

Frankly, if you are wanting treatment and assistance for bi polar, I would just talk about the bi polar. When you are ready for or want treatment regarding the multiplicity, then it's time to talk about that, after the doctor has witnessed over time that it's bi polar that futzs with your existance and that the multiplicity is not causing problems....but like I said, I think alot of it has to do with where you are and if the medical care in your area is good. I live in the sticks and the medical care here is so sub par it's not funny. They kept me locked up for a week, and not ONCE during all that time did I see a doctor or have counseling. Yeah, that REALLY helped me. I was assaulted twice by another patient, and had one of the staff members constantly propositioning me and making totally inappropriate comments, on top of the fact that you were't allowed to shower without being observed when you did (because you might drink your shampoo? Please.) and the staff there actively SUPPORTED this man who kept propositioning me being the one to observe me. I told them it was inappropriate, I wanted a female supervisor, that I had PTSD from multiple rapes and that FORCING me to undress and do something as intimate as bathing in front of a strange man was completely wrong....did me no good. I refused to shower for a couple of days and was then told I would be forcibly bathed by this man if I did not comply.

Yeah. I'd ask around first to your local area support groups about what the quality of care in the area is like before saying alot.

[fireincarnation.livejournal.com]

Yikes! Definately makes me wanna drive to a large city to recieve treatment! Fortunately for me, I have witnesses who can attest to my non-suicideness, I'm hoping this is enough to keep me from being committed.

I don't wanna outright lie to the man about my past, so when I got to a part of the form that said "Do you hear things others do not hear" I was/am really torn. On one hand, I don't wanna say no, on the other hand, the truth is that I do hear other people talking to me . . . all the time. I think this is at least somewhat normal, (who hasn't "listened" to their conscience?) I ended up telling the doctor about my multipilicity, about the migrating Shakers, about the 150+ people who live in Melaspace. He didn't seem terribly interested, much more interested in the things I was claiming as problems (bipolar) than the things that worked for me (lesbianism, multiplicity.) *sigh of relief* I also told him about the marijuanna I use to treat my migraines. He asked me a couple of questions to confirm that I am not a drug addict, then dropped it. Another good sign.

He ended up prescribing me medication, an anti-seizure med that will hopefully help both the bipolar and the migraines. I'm gonna post more info on that to a new thread tonight. I'm hoping that someone else has tried Lamictal and knows any suggestions about taking it.

[chorus-of-chaos.livejournal.com]

I've been on lamictal, and know a few others who have been on. It helped my bi polar some (I'm atypical II, depressed more than manic, slow cycling) but it caused me problems with weight gain. I'd already been through that with depakote, so I asked to go off it. My bi polar is not severe enough for the weight gain to be worth it...many people actually LOSE weight on it though, so maybe watch for that, but don't worry about it. The big thing is watching for a nasty fast spreading rash, rush to the hospital if that starts up, it's dangerous. Usually if it's going to happen it'll happen in the first month or so.

I wish you luck with it, and I'm glad the interview went so well!

[fireincarnation.livejournal.com]

I'd definately LOVE to have this "wonder drug" make me lose weight too. That would definately make it a lot easier to go back to dancing and get my life on track.

[dirgedoll.livejournal.com]

I am going through the very same thing myself. Bipolar and a multiple.... Rapid cycling and such. they can't commit you unless you are a harm to yourself or anyone else.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

I'd go with what chorus_of_chaos said. Depending upon what state you live in, you can and will be locked up on the say-so of other people -- it's called forcible commitment. Under these laws, you can be phoned in by your neighbours. It's not whether or not you are actually a danger to self or others, it's about what others decide you are.

For God's sake, be careful -- in some places, if people even see you crying or getting upset in public, they can call the cops and you'll be hauled in and locked up without benefit of advocacy or even a call home. It has happened to two of our closest friends, one of whom ended up in a state facility. Hell, sethrenn fell apart in a parking lot once over finals week stresses, and the next thing they knew there were three black-and-whites and a lot of suspicious questions being asked. They still have no idea who dropped the dime on them.

[fireincarnation.livejournal.com]

Damn, looks like things can go real bad real quick!

What exactly is committable about being multiple, and how can I avoid showing that?

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

According to a number of our correspondents, disclosing that you are multiple (rather than letting the doctor diagnose you) can get you diagnosed with a thought disorder, which may quite possibly land you in the hospital and will certainly get you a prescription for thorazine, or haldol, or seroquel, or all three.

Being upset or crying in the doctor's office is never a good idea under any circumstances. I know that sounds nutty to be concerned about in psychotherapy, but it's no longer an option. What Difference Does It Make (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0968391303/sr=8-4/qid=1150788806/ref=sr_1_4/102-1832080-9960906?%5Fencoding=UTF8) by Wendy Funk is an example. Be very, very careful what you disclose.

Have a look at this: it's written with a light hand, but it's deadly serious.
Things I Learned From My Therapist (http://sethrenn.livejournal.com/162918.html)

[ques-nova.livejournal.com]

I recently started seeing a shrink for post-partum/bipolar. I didn't mention being multiple and he treated me. Why mention multiplicity after all? While going to this doctor would you feel the need to mention other things (even problems) which you weren't seeking his help with? Would you feel the need to mention that you have several cats or a pet chicken? No, of course not, it's not relevent to what he's treating you for.

[fireincarnation.livejournal.com]

It's not relovant, but he specifically asked questions I don't want to lie about. I don't want it to come back on me later, and have him ask me "why did you lie about that?" and then doubt the rest of my story.

I see a counselor on Tuesday, one of the things I'm hoping the couselor will be able to do is talk to some of the members of my system who have limited fronting privilages because they are unstable, and get them to function a bit better. . . . Not Pam, she's doing wonderful, but some of the others who don't have names/don't remember much and don't respond to Hannibal's assistance. I expect I'll talk more about them than the bipolar. Bipolar can be treated with meds. A scared, abused child suffering from Polio, thrust into a completely new body, and very, very confused cannot be medicated away.

[aquilawolf.livejournal.com]

I function well but am unable to work enough to pay my bills and did get disability. What worked for me at the interview to determine if I could work or not, was being as honest as possible and 'not' holding the others down. I acted as natural as possible which meant (and I was very stressed) that I switched a lot and cried as well. I let the Dr. ask the questions and answered honestly. He needed to know if I could take care of the basics: feeding myself, showering, managing money. I was not suicidal, he needed to know that as well.
A year or so earlier I had been hospitalized on and off over a period of a few months when my system was in extreme danger (no details here, but not suicidal) and I was going insane from lack of sleep and needing to find a drug that would get me there. I had 'lied' to the doctors previously about hearing voices and the first drugs they prescribed didn't work and made things worse. And rather than keep me against my will in the hospital, I had to ask them to keep me longer as I wanted to make sure the new drug would work. They wanted to release me. I had also been released on another occasion when I was not functional, and was taken back in later in the day because a neighbor had called the police as my behavior was so erratic (and I did need help).
When I was needing and asking for help, I found that holding the attitude that people would help me created a reality where that was true. And I only use the traditional medical system in extreme emergency, otherwise I use alternatives. Currently I have a therapeutic massage therapy who is very versatile and can also do energy work.
Things may of course vary state to state. But this is my experience.

Truth and SSI

[fireincarnation.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your insight. I decided that I would tell my doctor about being multiple, and stress that I am able to function as such, only seeking treatment for the bipolar and moods. I decided that I would tell the truth, even when the truth was something I was ridiculed for and not believed about before. Doctor prescribed me new medication, which doesn't appear to have any horrible side effects.

Can you offer me any suggestions for how to get on SSI disability? I am able to function to a great extent because I have rules about who is allowed to front in public and what they are allowed to say. Should I perhaps allow the others to say things they are normally not allowed to say in public while I am in the interviews?

Re: Truth and SSI

[aquilawolf.livejournal.com]

What I applied for was SSDI which is federal and I receive enough money with this to totally pay my rent (which is comparatively low). SSI is state funded and so probably varies state to state. When I applied for SSDI I also applied for SSI but had about $20 more in savings than was allowed so did not get it.

My evaluation first took lots of paperwork which asked detailed questions about how I got through a day, what I could do as far as lifting things and other work related questions (as SSDI is for all types of disabilities). It took me days to get through it as I was quite stressed at the time. Plus I had to give names and dates of doctors or hospital visits so they could check on the problems I was having and the names of any therapists so they could get information from them.

I filed at the Social Security office in Feb.05 and then by about July 05 is when they sent me to 'their' doctor to do the evaluation. He was strictly there to evaluate me and was very kind as he could see the stress I was under. He asked lots of questions and soon was mostly trying to determine if I had schizophrenia or DID (as they call multiplicity today when functioning is compromised).

I have some people who are very intuitive and they very much wanted to help my system and they told me I should NOT try to maintain control and let them come out as they wanted. I was desperate for help and on the verge of collapsing and another nervous breakdown so I took their advise. Since I was seeking help there was no one wanting or needing to express hostility (toward the doctor) or if there was I didn't know about it and others who don't front controlled such energy if there was any. Basically a cooperative effort among my people which required nothing of me, the main fronter, anything other then to 'let go' and let everyone respond as they needed.

I wasn't in public, rather alone with a Doctor who wanted to know the truth so I let the truth be known. At the end of the interview the Doctor told me he was going to highly recommend that I do get the disability and that he agreed with what I had said about the multiplicity (and we were all very stressed) so his diagnosis was DID.

The Doctor however doesn't have the final say, but rather the person handling the case and I never even met this person, but she went over the paperwork I did and contacted and reviewed the medical information I sent plus the final evaluation from the Social Security hired Doctor. I finally was given SSDI in Aug.05. It is a lengthy process.

My system too is careful in public and lots of times one of my loving and innocent children will be out with an adult which makes me very pleasant to be around. The nervous breakdown I had was very severe and compromised my physical health as well so I am limited in what I can do physically, so the people inside that do that sort of thing aren't out much, and it is mostly them who might say things in public that would not be the best idea.

I'm not sure what the process for state funded SSI by itself is. I also don't feel I can tell you best how to go about things, only share my experience.

It CAN be a bit of a dilemma. I am trying to be as healthy and stress free as possible, yet to get the disability I have to be in pretty bad shape! Fortunately at the interview I was pretty maxed out and it showed.

Without the pressure of work and an alternative and versatile massage therapist (who can do some energy work and as come way down in price so I can afford her once a month or so) I am feeling a lot better.I can still only function normally and in public for but a limited time or I start breaking down. Sometimes when I am out in public for too long, and have held the others back, when I have gotten in my car to drive home I will experience some pretty extreme switching to release stuff and to get feeling better again.

I hope this helps. If I remember right SSI doesn't take as long to get as the federally funded SSDI and perhaps is an easier process.