(no subject)

[bubbleorchestra.livejournal.com]

Hello. We have a question. It isn't extremely dire or anything like that, but help would be extremely appreciated.

Back in January, we posted about some issues with the core/bodys mother. She never did follow up on her threat to take us to a psychiatrist and had no mentioned it fully since then, but we've been in a constant state of paranoia around her. Even if whoever is out doesn't care about her, the body itself starts to experience anxiety to the point of making us nauseous.

Normally, we let only one or two people out at home, all of which sound and act like the core (there is a long story about why she herself can't be out at home, mostly due to extreme hypersensitivity and a general lack of sensitivity in the family). But we find ourselves say things like "We" "Us" etc., and pray to whatever higher being there may be that the mother did not hear us. We let people have their run around time at school or when no one is home, so it's been alright, generally.

The stress let go for a while. It was still there, but I'm supposing maybe some part of us believed the mother forgot. But then recently (about a week ago, I think) the mother got very angry at us because of our grades, and somehow it blew into this whole entire hairy ordeal...and she brought us up again.

She didn't elaborate on it. It was a passing mention, probably mostly out of anger, but it was enough to give us the paranoia again.

We still keep ourselves down to a few people out at home, the rest at school, but now we are met with a problem: School is over.

The same one or two people can only come out at home, but if one or two people is out a lot, for a very long period of time, they end up getting very tired and somewhat unresponsive to people when they talk to us, tending to "zone out" a lot.

So, I think our main question(s) are: does anyone else experience a situation like this? And does anyone have advice about what we could do?

We really want to tell the mother about what she's doing to us as a whole, but we just know it will bring up unwanted problems..

Thank you for your help.
- de Witte

Comments

[littlebus.livejournal.com]

Am I right in assuming you just are finishing your Junior year and will be a Senior next year? (I snuck a peak at your birthdate)

For the summer: You need to get out of the house. You need a job, or a club, or something. Even hanging out at the local park and smoking weed is better than staying home all summer. (Insert "Weed is bad" song and dance here) In all seriousness, plan on getting out of the house for long stretches of time. Hang out at the library and read everybook there if that is what it takes. I get along with my mother quite well and I still recommend getting out of the house or else you will go crazy from cabin fever if nothing else.

Look for a job that at least several of you would be good at/enjoy. Earning money is never a bad thing. Don't forget to set aside a bit for when the time come to move out.

[bubbleorchestra.livejournal.com]

Actually, we're "officially" out of high school (at least to everyones knowledge; insert long story about how we're lazy and now have to go to night school, here), but we're as good as being Juniors right now. *Shrug* Meh. ^^;

We might try to do that..Our problem is, is that we can't drive. I mean, we know how, but we can't get our license unless we have 20/20 vision and our mom is neglecting to take us to the eye doctor for new glasses and contacts. -_- It was easier to get out last year, because we had a friend who lived right next to our school, and we'd walk to his house from school everyday, but he graduated and is in college, so we've become hermits. Graagh.

Thank you for your help, though. A lot. We'll keep it in mind and see what we can do. ^^

~ Adrian

[kyouketsusha.livejournal.com]

Why do you need a car? Go for long walks. Even if you don't go anywhere, it'll be good for you. :)

[bubbleorchestra.livejournal.com]

That's true. xD

Thanks. ^^

[catskillmarina.livejournal.com]

when i was young i used to commute fairly long distances on foot.
The longest regular stretch was 33 miles that took me almost all
day running.

I wish i could still do it.

[littlebus.livejournal.com]

Driving:
Is there bus service from where you live into town? Even if you have to walk a ways at either end it is better than nothing.

Night School:
In my home town there is an "alternative" night high school (it goes from 2pm to 10pm) that a number of my friends went to and found that the hours worked far better for their own body-schedule (if that makes any sense?). It may work better for you as well.

Eyesight:
If it's bad enough that you can't drive, you need glasses. End of story. Raise a fuss until you get some. There might be some local programs designed to help young people get glasses if money is an issue.

[bubbleorchestra.livejournal.com]

There is a bus service, but it's only in an area we aren't keen on going to, sadly. We have a feeling we'd get confused/lost, anyways. xD

The body schedule thing makes sense. XD Hm..We'll try asking about the night school thing. ^^ Thanks

Honestly, the only thing we need right now to get fully free is glasses/contacts so we can get our license. Our grandfather got us a car for our birthday, so we're already set if we want to go anywhere... *Is going to pester the mom so bad when she wakes up..and has her coffee.* o__O

[duathir.livejournal.com]

"We have a feeling we'd get confused/lost, anyways."

You need a map, and a notepad in which to write down directions, addresses, landmarks and other navigational information. Bus and train schedules often contain maps of the routes, but they are usually not detailed nor accurate enough to be of much help, so it is better to have one's own.

[fayanora.livejournal.com]

When my dad was younger, his stepdad abused him whenever he was home. He was too poor for a car, so he spent a lot of time at his grandmother's, and also walked *everywhere*. Or used a bike. But Dad and bikes have never gotten along very well with each other, so he generally walked. A lot of times, he'd just walk for the sheer hell of it, going nowhere in particular... just anywhere but home.

[shandra.livejournal.com]

'kay I'm posting from the point of view of having crazy parents and now being 35, so with those blinders in mind...

I think the absolute best thing you can do for yourself is to turn your energy towards getting as independent as possible - get the glasses! Get a job, not just for the money but also the experience and the references (even fast food shows you can be a good worker). Go out as much as possible and be yourselves there.

The sooner you get out on your own the better your life will be, in my opinion. Nothing, absolutely nothing, has done as much for us as the space to be ourselves. And bio-family quite often just - can't do that. For all kinds of reasons: guilt, dynamics, their own shit.

And I know you don't need the lecture but finish that high school so that when you find a passion, you can go for it without lack of paper holding you back. :)

[catskillmarina.livejournal.com]

it does singlets well too. I am all for kids getting independant as
quickly as possible. More time to live life. The trend towards
legally keeping people minors legally til they are 21 or older in
some circumstances sickens me.

[kasiawhisper.livejournal.com]

are any of the others good at pretending to be someone else? what we do is sometimes when we rotate fronters, the one who is fronting just pretends to be someone that others around us expect us to be.. makes things simpler when dealing with others.. even if it makes us feel like crap inside to have to do that.. :/

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Judging by the correspondence we've received in the last five years, our immediate response is as follows; lie, and lie low until you're independent.

Get your eyes examined and get your glasses, take the license exam and pass it. If money's the problem there, consult your local Lions Club. Driving, you have many options (even with the outrageous gas prices). I have to say I complain a lot about cars and pollution, but the way things are right now, that car is your wings. You can get a summer job. You can go to the university extension and take some summer courses, preferably for the GED, plus something creative -- that'll give your people some kind of an outlet, plus you can pretend you just have a big imagination. You can also get some university catalogues and think about what you want to do for your degree. You can drive around aimlessly (if you can afford it) (and yes, get good maps!), or go to parks, museums, whatever's in your area to explore and you can all enjoy it.

Kai

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

Heh, driving around aimlessly pretty much saved our sanity during a time when we were in a living situation with someone who was psychologically abusive in all kinds of weird, twisted, controlling ways. It actually gave us an opportunity to see some interesting things we wouldn't have otherwise-- just wandering around and getting to see different parts of the surrounding area. There's also something about just driving that can be very therapeutic-- it helps you feel more like you're in charge of your own life.