(no subject)

[exiled-redeemer.livejournal.com]

Okay...I have a slight delema...i could use advice...anything really.

It's pretty much this, today I was thinking about my past, I was thinking how I have no memory from age 0 to 11...I've no idea what could cause that, and certainly never even considered what came to me today.

What if I'm not who I've been lead to believe? What if I'm not Hosting this body? I never thought of it like this, but it would make beyond perfect sense, I can't remember anything at all for that 11 year time period, I've always felt that my body was too small, aching as if cramped into a box. Felt like something was wrong with me being where I am...It would explain why I've always been able to adapt to any situation...what if it's all true and I'm really just a being brought in or created because the real mind of this body couldn't handle it? It's a terrifying thought, because my friends love me, knowing who I am and those who know about the others as well, but what if they find out...I'm really not...well....me? I wish I could explain it better...I just don't want to be left alone if people find out I'm just a creation, and I feel like that is the only that can make sense, when Eichii tells me that he and Joselyn haver been here longer than me...

I've been aware of my others for the last three years, learning something new just about everyday, If it is this way and there really is no 'real' mind anymore, than I'm afraid of being erased completely. Being pulled into that darkness within our innerworld where The Council brings everything I'm afraid of and use it against me.

My question is, has anyone ever been lead to believe they were the first, only to find out they were recruited to be front runner? Whether they be brought in or made so the dominant mind didn't have to deal with it anymore? I'm just so confused......
Signed,
-Kira


-Sistema di Raziel

Comments

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

You ARE *you* - however you came to be *you*, it's okay. You're obviously not 'just a creation' because if you were, the thought wouldn't worry you. Obviously you have a 'real mind', or you wouldn't be capable of writing. It doesn't matter who was first, or who's Hosting or whatever; you are a person whether you remember your childhood or you don't.

Take some deep breaths and calm down; there's absolutely no benefit to be gained from freaking yourself out over mere speculation like this. You don't actually know what happened - there could be any number of alternate explanations that "would make perfect sense" - and even if you did know, it wouldn't matter, because nothing's actually changed. You're still the same person you were yesterday; your friends are still your friends; your identity isn't going to be erased just because you happened to think of something that had never occurred to you before.