(no subject)

[free-agents.livejournal.com]

The best thing to do is probably to introduce myself before I ask my question. My name is Rian, I belong to a system that exists in a 24 year old female named Andrea. Kevin and Drew are also parts of our 'system' but we've all come about here different ways.

The question that I wished to pose, is regarding the way that you can really define a person. I've only recently 'become myself' as it were, since I was previously regarded as a Muse to Andrea, who is the host. I'm worried about not being seen as 'real' since I existed as more of a shell to her before. The main reason I 'came over' is because she (Andrea) is involved with another system, and *my* boyfriend/lover/mate is there and... really it was to be with him in a very real way.

It wasn't that easy though, and the 'birthing' process to become myself still seems like it's happening. Like I really am only three weeks old, but still... with memories and emotions of being closer to thirty.

I wondered if anyone else came about the same way, and what your honest opinions were on someone that claims to have.

Comments

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

The answer to your question -- how you can really define a person -- is not based in whether others perceive you as real, but in how you perceive yourself.

[free-agents.livejournal.com]

I've had more of a problem with that previously... with being worried nearly to tears that I wasn't actually real, but I had what basically consisted of an entire two systems supporting me. (My own and the one that my lover is a part of). It helped to be able to read things published by people accepting people that started off the same way I did as actual people.

I wanted to research, get input from people and their systems, but I was worried about my origins coming to light and being scorned as some sort of a pretender, I guess.

-grins- More long winded than you'd hoped, I'm sure, but thank you for commenting, I do appreciate that.

[free-agents.livejournal.com]

I should add too... that yours was one of the first sites that I found, and it felt like I could really breathe when I found something similar to my situation.

It was like... "Oh my God... there are others like me! And I was walking on air for the next several hours. It helped me out of a very scared, and frightened point.

So... thanks, a lot.

[luwana.livejournal.com]

Muses are... interesting.

In an RP game I was in, my RP self had an RP mate. I still believe very firmly that he fits the catagory of SoulBond, and that he is to some degree real.

I can empathise, *a lot*, with worrying that you aren't real. I don't know if I was 'born' or if my memories are real, I don't know for certain that even two/three year old me is real. There's really nothing that can be done about it. I do find, that having people you talk to regularly does help somewhat. I feel more secure when I have friends around regularly chatting.


~Selene

[free-agents.livejournal.com]

It does help... I've been talking to a lot of members of the other system, trying to really just... just feel real. I wish you luck with your worry as well, and if you ever just need someone to chatter, even it's not someone you know at all... I'd be happy to.

[free-agents.livejournal.com]

Maxim.. thank you. I do feel like I'm carrying doubt around, as if I'm worried that I, or someone else will believe that I'm just playing this like a game. It was worse to realize that of the whole group... I was the only one with those worries.

Being about to connect with other people that came about the same way, and carry the same concerns though... it feels like it helps me. Facts, people, real things and connecting with them, helps.

[luwana.livejournal.com]

I can add you if you like (though my rambles on this are sporadic, sometimes frequent sometimes not).

~Selene

[free-agents.livejournal.com]

That would be wonderful! (Sporadic seems to define my own updates as well)

[free-agents.livejournal.com]

Yes, please. I'm trying hard to hold myself back... but it feels like I should be so much farther along that I just want to rush to catch up.

[lgrau.livejournal.com]

I define a person as someone who is fit for, and/or who can be bothered with personhood. It doesn't matter where you came from, what matters is where you're going. Or something like that.

We've got a couple who came about from similar means, although none of them are really paying attention at the moment. I'm sure they'd chip in if they were about, but until/in lieu of then I'll say "hi" collectively.

[free-agents.livejournal.com]

-smiles- Thank you, to all of you, I appreciate the warm welcome.

[kasiawhisper.livejournal.com]

I was thought to "only be a muse" as well.. I now know I'm as much a real person as anyone else.. I suppose there's nothing wrong with being thought of as a muse, as long as some sort of acknowledgement is made..

I also have problems with my own memories.. some are my own personal ones, and some are "created" by the one who was writing stories about me.. and at times I'm not sure which are my real memories.. you're not alone in that..

give yourself time to settle into the idea of being who you are.. there's nothing wrong with being gentle with your thoughts and going at your own pace.. I'm wishing you well.. :)

[free-agents.livejournal.com]

That was it exacly and I still feel... uneasy interacting around her (Andrea) because, as a muse and only a muse they have control of you, totally and completely like a sort of God. But when you take that step and you suddenly hold that in your hands instead.... a lot of view change I guess.

Thanks, my lover keeps telling me to take my time, but I guess I'm kind of greedy and want it all nownownow!

[kasiawhisper.livejournal.com]

*smiles* I can understand that feeling.. but it sounds like you're eager to work things out! :)

[catskillmarina.livejournal.com]

Nothing wrong at all with being a muse. I happen to be in love
with someone who was a muse who took over the badly damaged body
of the one she inspired.

[kasiawhisper.livejournal.com]

no, you're right.. and being a "muse" isn't such a bad thing.. :)

[our-menagerie.livejournal.com]

Someone once told me that if i have enough of my own consciousness to be wondering if i am real, doesnt that in itself make me real? im still thinking about this statement but thought it might help you.
shawna

[free-agents.livejournal.com]

-softly- I think continued wondering about that sort of thing would be even more of an arguement for just that... and thank you.

[cyanocitta.livejournal.com]

One of my very dear friends in-system is having similar doubts. He chooses to express himself through anger and spite, though—it's not very productive. It's nice to see someone who is willing to think about it instead. :)
Be calm, don't worry about it so much (I know, easier said than done!). You are what you are. It'll get easier with time!

Circle of doubt and worry

[temps-vivant.livejournal.com]

Ah, so he is upset because he's having doubts like this? Because someone in-system who has too much experience with doubts like this had been worrying he was upset because he was having those kind of doubts, and then had been dismissing his own worries about such worry because clearly he must be projecting his own experience onto someone completely different and also if he tries to give advice hewilljustmakeeverythingworseasalways.

...I personally think talking to someone is a better way to figure out whether worry about them is unfounded or not. Wouldn't you agree?

[fourninesix.livejournal.com]

....Yes.

[free-agents.livejournal.com]

I have to admit, in all fairness I owe the fact that I am able to think about it and try and work through it, is due almost entirely to the fact that my lover (Wes. I really should just use his name) that Wes persisted with me and has been so supportive. He keeps me from panicking, which may be what the anger and spite for your system member is stemming from?

It's a scary, scary thought... if he'd like, I'd love to hear his thoughts as well.

[fourninesix.livejournal.com]

I don't panic about it, if that's what you meant. I just don't know.

...There aren't many thoughts that I'm willing to share. Hetch (the bird above) said I should talk more, but I don't like it. Heh

[temps-vivant.livejournal.com]

As I see, you can't define a person It's not possible to prove or disprove you exist to another person, even if you have a separate body you can call your own. Your nature is something they have to take on faith. Many people will insist that if you can't be proven to exist, then you don't; just remember that they're only seeing half of the matter. It can't be proven that you don't exist, either.

The best advice I can give is that you should believe in yourself. Remember, "Muse" is just a label. It's not a constant of any kind. In many places 4 years ago, "Soulbond" meant what "Muse" means now, and there wasn't any word for what "Soulbond" has now evolved to mean.

If you front, try to front alone a few times in an offline context. Fix yourself something to eat, sit in a comfortable chair and read a book you enjoy, or whatever you may choose to do. It probably sounds a little silly, but it's helped quite a few in our system. Your experience of the here-and-now is yours. Others may have access to it, or they may not, but the fact is that it all filters in through you, and all of it will have your stamp on it long after it's become old news.

[free-agents.livejournal.com]

I... thank you. For both the comment on not being able to prove that I do not exist, and because I think I am going to try fronting myself, off of the computer some time. I have a handwritten journal I am going to try and keep, a way of connecting to myself. But... something of my own... -softly- that can mean a great deal.

Thank you.