(no subject)

[exiled-redeemer.livejournal.com]

This is Kira from Raziel System, just needing a bit of advice right now, I wish I could post more often but hey, the army keeps you busy.

 

Some stuff happened this weekend that i need a little help on i guess, it's left me confused, there might be triggers in here for some of you who've been through similliar stuff but none the elss here i go.

I was with a really close friend of mine this weekend, as i am with him any time we get free time, which isn't often. Anyways, we were going about our bussiness when all of a sudden I had to stop him. My little in the system had woke up screaming, I'm not sure why but i think it might have been because of what we were doing, the part that confused me is the body nearly started crying but I wasn't sad at all, and Joselyn's never had that much control where she could harness the body for more than a few seconds. So I brushed it off.

This morning, me and him were just lying together, getting ready to leave. And some troubling subjects had come up. Now...my way of dealing with my pain is unfortunately having him suffer with me. If it hurts to bad I'll bite him to the point where it'll be bruise for sometime. Now I've gotten better, but still I can't cut the habit completely. Well after giving him a sharp nip, he looked at me without a word for a few seconds then just shook his head. I [stupidly] pressed the subject, wanting to know what he said and then [unfortunately] he told me:

"You bite me and scratch me, to make yourself feel better, you love me and care about me yet you still do these things. Well...I wonder, will you do these things to your kids when you have them?"

I know he didn't mean for it to be mean but it drove through me like a hot iron, i wanted to die and because of that, I almost broke his pinky. I got up, paced around a little and then said something along these lines.

"That's fucked up. Asking that question is like asking why my mother didn't fuck me when I was younger like she was." Then I fell face first on the bed and started crying, my body cried. I think it was me at first, because the question really hurt, but then i think something else happened. I could feel Joselyn's pain, I could feel the body crying, but I didn't feel sad at all, infact i was calm as all hell when that happened. All this happened so fast that I didn't know what was going on, and still don't quit know. I just want to know how I can help her, how we can help her, I don't want my little to hurt and neither does Nicolas, he's really fond of her and i can't live without. So if you have any advice, experiences similliar to this one, I gladly appreciate them. Advice is what i need right now, aldo coping methods better than biting my sweety to stop hurting. Thank you, Kira Sistema di Raziel

Comments

[squnq.livejournal.com]

It isn't ethical to project one's own pain onto others unless they're willing to handle it. It's one thing to have someone willing to help you deal with pain, but it's another to harm them as your catharsis. So that needs to stop. If you have an urge to harm something or inflict pain upon something, find an inanimate object, or perhaps release it through an MMORPG or some similar form of virtual projection. Otherwise, you're going to need to talk it out with him, or perhaps a therapist, to find some way to release the pain which doesn't involve physically harming him or others you love.

I'll grant, however, that his response was less than ideal. It sounds like the two of you really need to sit and talk about this.

Protecting Joselyn (who I presume you are referring to as the little) from things you or the others at the front go through which may be triggering, can be pretty difficult. Your partner obviously should know that this can occur and be prepared to be supportive of you when it does, but there's very little that can prevent one of your peers in a system from being able to see or wake up during intimacy or other "grownup moments" which they may be freaked out by. Communicating within your system to collectively shield or protect more immature members from triggering experiences is something you're most likely going to have to do if you don't want this to occur, but if Joselyn is an individual who has traumatic memories or other baggage which causes her to be freaked out by such intimacy, then that strikes me as the sort of situation which leans more towards the "traditional" multiplicity view of some of your peers retaining difficult memories, and if you do not wish to integrate and want to be able to live a healthy life as multiple, you're going to probably be forced to sit down and spend some serious introspective time together with your partner and within your system figuring things out.

I know this sounds rather ambiguous but there's no "specific fix" which I can really come up with, as I and my system operate in very much the same way and have had to deal with similar problems.

[littlebus.livejournal.com]

I've found hitting walls (open-handed, with the palm and heel of the hand) to be good for me - it makes a very satisfying *thwack!* sound and makes me feel like I'm doing something (the *fwumpf* sound of hitting a pillow never does it for me when I'm frustrated).

I also find it to be very difficult to talk about emotions/things that are bothering me when they are fresh. I often say something along the lines of "Can we talk about this later?" and work some of my frustrated energy out, then in an hour or later that day or sometime next week, I can come back and say "You know that thing that was bothering me...? Well, what happened was..." If I try and talk about something while it is fresh I usually turn into a messy pile of tears and cry for hours straight, which gives me a sinus headache, which hurts, so I cry some more - it's just a messy cycle I try to avoid. My body doesn't know what to do with emotional stress, so it all comes out via tears.

squnq makes some good points about finding other alternatives for the stresses caused by emotional pain - maybe a stuffed animal to bite instead of your boyfriend would be a good first step?

[exiled-redeemer.livejournal.com]

...xD...Not necessarilly my boyfriend, there's one major life altering thing in between me and him. He calls me a sort of consort, anyways, those are good ideas, thank you both for your advice. I don't mean to make myself sound like an abusive person, when at heart i'm gentle. >_< Time ran out, i'll edit this later.

-Sistema di Raziel