Sorry to post again...

[angel530.livejournal.com]

But I could really do with some advice here...

This is also in our personal Journal so sorry for those that have seen it there

I never admit to being scared but I really am now...

Hayley's not coping at all and I can normally help her but she won't even let me do that now . I want her to ask her psych to hospitalize her but she's refusing saying she couldnt handle the loss of control and her friends need her. Kirsty's talking about integration, she doesnt mean it but shes saying it to scare and hurt Hayley and it's working! And on top of all that she feels she needs to be out 24/7 for her friends which she wouldnt cope with at all... She fights us the whole time to stay out just on the off chance her friends need her. She can barely even cope with herself. It's scaring me, its scaring the littles and thats just making things worse for her.. Im out of ideas now and I'm supposed to be able to look after her, im supposed to be able to protect her but I dont know how to anymore, is there anyway I can if shes just going to shut me out? Shes not even sleeping because when (and thats a big when!) she does sleep she leaves her phone on so shes woken up within minutes!

She knows herself that she wont be able to cope with this for long, shes going to crash, and soon... and I'm scared noone is going to be there for her when she does if only because shell still refuse to tell them so that she can still at least try and be there for them.. Yes I can force her to go in if I have to but im not sure thats the best thing to do because she kicks off it scares the littles and it makes everything worse.. I dont know... Im out of ideas...

What do I do?

Michael

Comments

[tahgra.livejournal.com]

i dont really know if this will help or not, but ive found that if i try to force someone to stay in they have an impact on what comes through to the outside world anyway....

[angel530.livejournal.com]

Yeah exactly... but then if I leave her to stay out shes gonna destroy herself... I dont know. Thanks

[tahgra.livejournal.com]

it is a hard choice...i recently had to lock a housemate inside for a few days when she was acting badly, and that turned out well.....but i hated doing it...im not a jailer

its a hard call when they are intent on causing themselves or the body harm..i wish you luck!!

[angel530.livejournal.com]

Thanks :) Ive got close to locking her in but in the long run itll make things worse. It's better that I just watch her and force her in when it's too unsafe for her to be out

[draegonhawke.livejournal.com]

Tell someone or make her tell someone. Speaking from personal experience, here--if you're crashing, keeping that a secret is only going to get you killed in a big possibly permanent emotional way, and that's assuming it won't spill over to the physical. My predecessor was in a sitaton like this--burning down, trying to hide it because she didn't think it was her place to feel pain, pushing everything aside so that she could be there for someone she thought might need her. It killed her--she self-destructed, and that sort of thing won't help the people she wants to be there for. If anything, it'll do harm.

Find someone to talk to. Any sympathetic ear. If it's that bad, get someone to stay with you. But don't keep it a secret. At this point hiding it can't possibly help.

[angel530.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Ive spoken to a few of her closer friends recently so theyre prepared and now they know she has (sort of!) been talking, she still spends far too much time hiding it though Ive thought of telling some of her other friends but theyre so sensitive It'll hurt them. I've got to put her first though. I know that.

I'll think about that actually.. might be a good idea.. Thanks :)

[draegonhawke.livejournal.com]

Well... think about it this way. If it hurts them to know that she's having a rough time of it, it'll hurt them more if she self-destructs. And people can overcome pain much better together than they can on their own--sometimes that's what friends are for; climbing down into the trenches so that you don't have to suffer alone.

If you'd like to talk with me, I'm on AIM as "draegonhawke" (and one of my headmates, anra_neoteric, is on sometimes as "Third Corvid"), or you can email me at magistrata@gmail.com.

[angel530.livejournal.com]

Don't have AIM, only yahoo or MSN but I'll save your email address. If you want ours its hayley_dl@yahoo.co.uk

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT go to a psychiatric ward. You are highly unlikely to find any help there. You are probably likely to be drugged into submission and told that you need more drugs to be cured of the 'delusion' that you share your body with others. (The drugs they'll probably give you won't 'cure' you, but they *can* cut off communication to the front so that it looks like everyone else is gone.)

Why does she think she needs to go to an institution? Is it because she wants a break from her friends dragging on her? Those places are not vacations. Having to feel like you 'need to be there' 24/7 for friends all the time is pretty crazymaking, and if they won't let you have a break, the problem is with the friends, not with you. I've been there; several of us have. We've been through having to sit with someone all night because they'd been making threats again about what they might do if they were 'abandoned' or got too lonely. Integrating or repressing everyone else will not help her; in fact, it will cut her off from a source of support. You or she need to find a way to get her friends to back off.

[angel530.livejournal.com]

Yeah Ive spoken to a lot of her friends and they have backed off. The others I'll talk to when I get a chance to over the next few days. Shes as dead set against the hospital as you are. It was me that suggested it.. I didnt know about that though, maybe thats not such a great idea then! lol! Thanks :)

[angel530.livejournal.com]

No worries. Thanks for replying :)