Sharing time - the emotional child

[redrainstorm.livejournal.com]

A common problem we've run into is the members of this system are close to an outside individual. Many of the children want to constantly spend time with this person and to do so they have to front and spend time outside (obviously!).

One little boy has a lot of jealousy and emotional issues and is very, very attached to this outside person and likes to grab on to all the time he can. We're (us and the outside person) are trying to get him to let go little by little because it's not healthy for him to cling so tightly, and "not fair" to the others who have just as much right to come out as he does.

Any time we try to break him away from this person he throws tantrums and crying fits. We're not sure when it's for attention, and when he really is just being so sensitive and emotional that he needs this person. He's had a rough past so we're trying to be understanding. But, where does one draw the line of giving him what he needs, and simply giving into his tantrums?

Other little ones, as well as teens/adults want time outside to spend with this person, or simply just want time in the body to do things that they wish to do.

How does everyone deal with the problem of finding enough time for people who want to front if there are a lot of people?

And, does anyone have helpful advice as how to deal with a very emotionally sensitive child and how to get him to feel safe enough to let go of this outside person long enough for others to have their share of time?

Thanks.

Lis & N.C.

Comments

[linnai.livejournal.com]

Structure is so important with any child, and most children tend to be extremely sensitive. I would suggest first talking to him. Someone that is a stable, loving authority figure in his life talking to him about how he feels. You have to gauge the conversation for his age, but it's important to give him a specific time and place that does not concern this person so that he can explain his feelings on the matter.

Set time limits, rewards, other activities for him. Try not to make it about LETTING GO, so much as letting others have their turn. It's important for them to take turns, to share and be fair.

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

You could consult a site with advice for parents, and see what it suggests for helping children who have that kind of temperament. I don't know very much about children myself...

[pengke.livejournal.com]

Responding to the tantrums only teaches the child that that will get him what he wants. If he has a tantrum when he's not in physical control of the body, ignore him. If he's in control of the body, ask the outside person to ignore the tantrum and try to give control of the body to someone else.

When getting him used to sharing, use managable periods of time. Perhaps you would start off with him letting someone else visit with the person for half an hour. Make sure that he gets to visit with the person again after he's shared with someone else. You can progress to him only getting to visit with the person for finite amounts of time but letting him have a brief period to say goodbye at the very end.

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

We have some kids that run to the front when a certain outside friend visits or when visiting relaives and the family kids are around ( she seems to want to experience outside people more) or I suspect she is just bored with the inside people. She shows up when ever one of Tiea's friends comes over and will be reduced to tears if made to leave then she causes chaous inside.

The only way we can control this is we have asked the outside person to explain they were speaking to so and so and need to vist with that person and she kindly says "Hello its good to see you" but basically you cant stay now this is my time with say Toni or Tiea or whoever.

Much like when the bio kids were growing up and would get out of bed and want to visit when company came over we had to explain this is Mommy's adult time this is what we have done with Mary Joe when she is being difficult, she crys less if the outside person just acknowledges her but then asks her to leave so and explains this is adults only.

We use to give in to the tantrums and crying because Mary Joe was very frightened as a toddler and is afraid to be alone and doesnt feel good on the inside sometimes but the more we gave in to the crying the worse it was now we just explain, "its not ok for you to be here now" She has moved from tantrums and crying to more sulking and pouting but gets over it if we stay consistent.

It really is allot like Sethran said treating her like a child we were parenting with consitent rules that all have to abide by rules with others and we all have rules has helped her see its not personal against her.

Shelby

[kasiawhisper.livejournal.com]

we have tons of kids in our group.. o.O so this sounds familiar.. let's see, a recent example we've had was when one of our little ones (I'll leave her unnamed, so she doesn't get embarrassed *grin*) went through a "I'm only eating ice cream for dinner and nothing else" phase.. this wasn't just here in the earth realm, but within Kasiya as well.. but she actually didn't throw tantrums over it, she just refused to eat anything else but ice cream.. her older brother was the only one who could get her to finally eat something other than ice cream, since she wouldn't listen to the rest of us.. lol..

sometimes children may respond better to another child instead of an adult.. is there another child, perhaps a little bit older who can talk to your little boy and try find out what's wrong, or help him find other things to do, or something like that? maybe having another child as a sort of "big brother/big sister" can help him spend some time away from the one he's attached to.. maybe he feels not so safe away from this person... if there's a way you can find out why he's so upset, then you can work on trying to help him better.. I hope he's okay, poor little guy..

Kasia & Henna