random question

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

The thread on relationships further down sparked a curiosity, and now we're wondering. What are other people's takes on in-system relationships (that is, two-- or more-- people in the same system having a relationship)? After struggling through years of feeling that it was 'lame' and something we did just because we were 'losers,' lately we've just been letting it happen naturally if people are so inclined, and some of us, for what it's worth, have better relationships with other people in-system than we ever have with people outside of it.

Unfortunately, we've heard of other multiples who admitted to having such relationships getting nasty flack for it, being told they were just 'fantasizing.' Dunno about that... if we're all just people sharing the same body, what would be wrong or 'not real' about two of those people having a relationship with each other?

Comments

[ladydancerhouse.livejournal.com]

Well, for what it's worth... we as a group don't particularly see a thing wrong with it.

I mean, the perception of it being a bad thing coming from other people, we suspect comes from the idea that multiplicity being the case of shards of the same person being broken into tiny bits. *shakes her head* I can't see it that way, and I'm not sure I ever did. We're all people, and sometimes people fall in love with those of their own group. Sometimes we fall in love with people who are on the outside.

I don't see where it makes a bit of difference.

*wry* I mean, Shannon and Ashlyn have been together for as long as I can remember, and trying to picture them with other people is impossible. Cara and Kieran just got back from their post-bonding vacation a little while ago, so... I don't know, in some ways, I think it works better because we're of the same culture, we understand each other in ways few people outside ever would.

And I think I've said enough on this. *chuckles*

- Renee

internal stuff

[perse.livejournal.com]

I am in an ongoing relationship with Jax and he would do anything for me. He has sex with me when I get lonely and keeps me safe when the world is too big and... he's my brother and my lover. For the first time, he's started bonding with one of my partners outside my body too and it is a little frightening, but also really nice because I'm usually the one who has the majority of outside relationships.

If there are kinks I want to try that I'm ashamed to try with other people he will do them with me and hold me and... it may be unusual, but... I dunno. I think the whole thing about being multiple is that there *aren't* any rules. 'Less I'm very mistaken. Noone has the right to tell you that it isn't real. What you believe is real, is real to you. That's subjective reality. Doesn't really matter if anyone else buys into it or not... as long as it makes you happy it's a good thing.

hmm

[cirape.livejournal.com]

Diz and I are very close. In a love sorta way, yeah...?
But we've never had that sort of relationship, mainly because of the lack of a physical touch.
We remain very close, adn I very much love her and she me, but we just can't have a lovers sorta relationship without physical touch. And touching the body and saying its for a different onna us doesn't work for us.
But, hey, if stuff works out and is fullfilling for other people in the same body I see no problem with it. Except for the possiblity of messy breakups...
but, then, if Luc and I can exist in the same body without killing each other, methinks messy breakups could be handled without too many problems as well ^^;
=...I hate you=
^^

[whatitslike.livejournal.com]

I'd agree that the idea that it 'wasn't real' would come from an understanding that all multiplicity is about pieces of a whole person rather than individual whole people. Foo on them.

I started to write something about how the five of us interact as a family and so sexual/romantic love would be inappropriate, but where on earth was that coming from? Some of the people in here I love like siblings, and some I love more sexually/romantically and I think both of those are perfectly valid. Five people leads to lots of permutations, and that's just fine, and I suspect there are people in this body I haven't met yet and that will add to the permutations and that's also just fine.

I also wonder, the people who think that its just fantasizing -- if internal people can love one another as friends or siblings, why can't they love one another romantically or sexually? Why is one more valid than the other?

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

I also wonder, the people who think that its just fantasizing -- if internal people can love one another as friends or siblings, why can't they love one another romantically or sexually? Why is one more valid than the other?

Good point-- why should some kinds of love be acceptable and not others? Like you said, there are some people in here who I get squicked out at the thought of having a relationship with, though I love them as family. We're close, but it's not that particular kind of closeness, you know?

Hmmm... randomly, but... I wonder if it's more common for such relationships to be found in systems with other worlds? We have two people who were already lovers when they just wandered in here.

[whatitslike.livejournal.com]

That would be something really interesting to correlate. I'm not sure if we have other worlds, exactly... what do you mean when you say that? I'm really curious.

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

http://www.kitsune.cx/blackbirds/layman/worlds.html Better explanation than I can give, since I just woke up. Eheh.

[emploding.livejournal.com]

i cant see anything wrong with it...
i mean.. i would never do it, because they are all like... family.. and it would just be weird... but its different for everyone.. and i dont see a problem with it, if everyone else in the system is comfortable/okay with it!

woo!

[kaleidescope.livejournal.com]

i think intra-system relationships rule. and on the multiple list we're on lots of people date or fuck within their system, so there :-)

[prettyrazor.livejournal.com]

We're a pretty large system, so it seems sort of logical for us to have some people in relationships with each other. Dolores and Steffi dated for a while. (Thankfully, that's over with! That one had a BAD outcome, though, but that's only because Steffi is not a very good person...) James and DD have a constant flirtation going on. There are others, but as I said, we're a large system, so attempting to think of them off the top of my head is not easy. Anyway, clearly, we have nothing against insiders dating each other, because we have people who do it.

As far as the "not real" part, that's the thing that sucks about the public's view of DID/MPD. We're as real as anyone else.

While we're on the subject... Do any of you guys have problems with insiders hurting other insiders? We've been having some trouble with this lately. I know we're not the only system that has this problem (our girlfriend's system also has insiders who can hurt others in the system), but I'm wondering how other people deal with it and keep it under control?

Okay, I think I've said enough.

Peace,
Robin

[cirape.livejournal.com]

While we're on the subject... Do any of you guys have problems with insiders hurting other insiders?
We sort of have this problem...it rarely gets very far tho.
See, Diz and her fear of confrontation starts getting between people when they fight (usually me and Luc ^^;), but we've all agreed that its better to try and get along...
So arguments are pretty much under control here, and don't go far before somebody (hell, I've had to break up Diz and Luc before, odd as it seems to me) broke the thing up...
Espically if we're driving ^^;

I dun really know what ta say to try and help, but I know it happens elsewhere as well even if I can't quite recall specific instances. You can just try the sorta "sit everybody down and go over how since you're stuck together its best to work together" approach and break up fights before they get bad like we do...
But I figure that wouldn't work quite as well if fights or harm have started getting bad before that, right? Someone could resent whoever tends to play peacemaker...
that's happened with Diz before, but since we're all in agreement on it--or if somebody ain't they haven't spoken up--it tends to go easier.

Meh, I dunno. Good luck, tho.

[ninquelote.livejournal.com]

Do you mean hurting in the sense of emotionally attacking and abusing other people in system, or in the sense of actually harming the body?

I think in either case, this kind of behavior can mean that someone wants attention and feels they aren't being taken seriously and/or acknowledged by the rest of the system, in our experience. If someone in the system goes around insisting that they're the only real one, it may make some people so desperate to be acknowledged as real and valid that they'll act out. In our case, any problems we had with that sort of thing were solved by acknowledging the validity of the other people, but we realize it might have more complex roots for some people. If someone is emotionally/verbally abusing someone else in the system, I'd recommend that you hold impromptu group meetings or gripe sessions to deal with it, just to find out exactly what the problem is here.

If someone is physically hurting the body, again, you need to find out why. There are some very good websites out there on how to stop self-harming. Self-harm is a very serious issue and if someone in the system does this, the best thing you can do is to find out what they get from doing it and try to solve the issues that touches on, instead of simply trying to keep them 'under control' or try to forbid them from coming to the front. That kind of behavior shouldn't be taken lightly.

Hope this helps...

[larzmachine.livejournal.com]

"Do any of you guys have problems with insiders hurting other insiders?"

Ohyeah. We have some definite troublemakers. And since so many of Us are wargamers and weapons nuts, Our internal conflicts get a little intense.

"I'm wondering how other people deal with it and keep it under control?"

We created an Internal Security division. A couple of Our biggest gun nuts (Floyd [who is also head of External Security] and Jake) act as internal police and try to stop things before they get out of hand. If things get TOO screwed up, Margaux will usually intervene, and NOBODY screws with her twice.

[larzmachine.livejournal.com]

Margaux "helps" all of Us with a lot of things, including sexuality. Since most of Us have severe sexual issues (even though there was no sexual abuse that any of Us know of until the body was 17, which spawned Ray -- who has no problems with sex at all. Talk about bloody bizarre), she's played around with most of the Bridge Krew in that physical way only Real People (multiples) understand (and anyone else would call masturbation -- LOL). I don't know if you could really call it a "relationship" in the bf/gf sense, but there's definitely a strong bond there. In a lot of ways she's like Our combined big sister and mother, which is probably part of why We all refuse to consider her a gf of any kind. It's kind of like in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure when Bill is drooling over Missy and Ted keeps telling him "she's your MOM, dude!"

It's kinda' funny. The Krew We're sort of involved with derives great pleasure from joking about how We're all getting it on with Our sister, but it's all in fun.