Focus, Multiplicity and Roleplaying

[cirape.livejournal.com]

Now, mind you, I dun think that Roleplaying in and of itself leads to Multiplicity. But I have noticed something...
atleast two of us have come sorta "into focus" via RP characters...I was wondering if any of you have experianced the same sorta thing.
Me thinks that it was sorta easier for those of us that came into more focus via RP characters to sorta guide the characters along somewhat first than to just come right out and be themselves at first.
I'm not sure if roleplaying can "invite" other personalities...but if its used as an exorcise to see the world from different points of view I could certainly see how that could make one more appealing to the more supernatural types of personality-growth-thingies...Or even just allow something purely internal to semi-experaince being something of its own via RP characters and then form themself fully without the aid of it, but with an introduction?
Meh...I seem to be loosing my train of thought. I'm sorry if you can't understand this, it looks sketchy and weird to me, but I wanted to get it out and ask before I forgot...
seems I forgot halfway through typing it ^^ sorries!
If anybody wants to, I'll try to explain what I mean later when my mind isn't so sketchy...damned insomina.

--Diz-chan

Comments

[paganmommy.livejournal.com]

I am so darned controlling...

I have noticed getting so into a "role" in roleplaying, or just online, that it feels like I am actually "in" it. Is that what you mean?

*I* am always conscious though, in the background. That is what I mean by being controlling, it is very difficult for me to just let go and "be".

[terredancer.livejournal.com]

Well, recently, we got back into roleplaying because we would get totally sucked in, and everyone would be experiencing the emotions of the "rp character" so it's sort of odd. We had to do some balancing acts in order to stay involved. Mmph.

But we had a person who wasn't really clear, but that we knew about... her personality is clear for the first time, and it's a really odd thing. Hrm...

[cirape.livejournal.com]

Well, most characters one or more of us will play, and we'll feel things like the character does and stuff. Not as extreem as if it were us in that position, but sort of.
Not all characters could become personalities, I think...just a few of ours. It might be easier to come out that way too, I dunno..

-Diz

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

Hmm... well, this is a subject we could write a lot about, as we've been doing quite a bit of thinking about it ourselves lately. It makes perfect sense to me, though I'm actually seeing two seperate questions here-- one, can multiples find out about each other through roleplaying, and two, can people in systems be discovered or come to exist through roleplaying?

I think the answer to both is yes. I think there are more and more multiples becoming selves-aware through roleplaying these days, especially online. We found out about being 'we' through the soulbond community, which a few other plurals we know have gone the route of. (Soul Whispers (http://childofmana.tripod.com/soulbonding.htm) is a pretty good page on the SB community.) While we've RPed some characters who were just characters, we've also had characters who 'followed us home,' so to speak, and became functional members of the system, or people whose natures we became more aware of through RPing characters who resembled them or whom they identified with.

It differs from group to group. Our system seems to have kind of an "open door" policy, in that people come from all over-- from RPGs, from books, TV, games, our own stories, all sorts of things. On the other hand, we've known some systems who originally found an outlet for selves-expression in RPing, by allowing different members of their system to play different characters; they weren't actually the characters themselves, but playing them was for a while their only opportunity to have some time at the front.

As for spiritual explanations, it's probably better if I don't try answering that one-- whatever feels right for you, I suppose. Heh. ^^;

[whatitslike.livejournal.com]

Lots of interesting thoughts! My two cents below.

First, can people within a system get to know each other through RP? Yes, absolutely! I became aware of several people in our system through characters they played, although it took me a long time to realise that the way 'I' roleplayed was unusual. Even now the easiest way for several of us to be interacting with the outside world at once is online; I can be talking to my friends and L. can be talking to hers and D. can be talking to his and its pretty seamless -- but in person we'd be switching every few seconds & it would be pretty crazy.

Second, can people come into existence through RP? I don't know. I know that I can create RP characters who are separate from me, but they only exist within the framework of the RP and I can't 'push them out' into the everyday world. A form of fragmentation, perhaps, or maybe a shaping out of nothing -- but they don't turn into *people*. I don't know if we could make them into people if we tried; it's interesting to think about.

Third, does RP provide a way for external entities to enter into someone's body? My local expert on this sort of thing says: "Maybe, but it's much more complicated than that, and if you would like to talk about that sort of thing I will give you my email address." She's a bit, um, arrogant, be warned.

[cirape.livejournal.com]

I think your right that none of us really came into /being/ (or being people) via roleplaying...but in some cases it sparked something or touched a feeling long hidden that sorta shot off on its own to become a person...
yeah, I know that the spiritual stuffs are definatly alot more complicated than that. And it differs in each case too...I dun feel like getting the e-mail from you tho. Dun really feel like gettin' into a convo on spiritual matters, it'll lately end up an argument at some point anyway.

We interact alot online too. Letting more than one of us talk at a time, or to different people at the same time (but then again, the same person can talk to different people at the same time via IMs or multiple chat-things too). Lots of times many of us talk in RL too, but people can't tell the differance like online where we make it stand out somewhat.
Usualy via the bracket-things like in my info *nods*

Funny you should mention this...

[nixicat.livejournal.com]

My boyfriend writes RPG's for a major gaming company. It is so frustrating that he has one of the best games currently on the market, and I can't play it. Not until I am better integrated. I am mostly just one person, but roleplaying is one of the things that loosens the ties that I have used to bind my alters into a relatively stable confederation.

But, I do get extra geek points because I read games, even though I don't play them. So I can talk coherently with gamers about their characters and the games they are playing and know as much about it, if not more, than they do. And then when they ask me about my stuff, I bashfully tell them, "Oh, sorry. I don't game. I just read the source material."

I am going to try an online game, if I can find one that isn't peopled by a bunch of 14 year old l33ts. Not that I mind 14 year old l33ts, but the last time I tried to roleplay with them really suxx0r'ed. =)

Re: Funny you should mention this...

[ninquelote.livejournal.com]

This may be taking the thread a wee bit off topic, and certainly it's not my place to tell anyone else how to run their system, but I'm curious-- from your post, I'm getting the impression that you consider yourself to have mostly integrated, but don't like roleplaying because it tends to make you differentiate into seperate people again? Did living as a group just really not work out for you/you guys, or were you just not comfortable being multiple?

Veering FAR off topic.

[nixicat.livejournal.com]

A lot of people seem to revel in their multiplicity. Hey, more power to them.

As my boyfriend expressed it to me... it is sort of inefficient, isn't it?

Splitting up was a response to abuse. It was a method of surviving. It was a useful strategy for addressing unresolvable problems. One of the alters was created by the primary personality, as everything the rest all wished they were. She was named and set loose, sort of. She was supposed to be a temporary solution, but she overpowered her creators and established herself as not only the front, but as the persona with the most control over the system. She, I, did not want to be dissolved when her purpose was served, and so, having been invested with all of the strengths the system possessed, she/I set about knitting it together. To protect this tenuous balance, she made it impossible to for anyone else to speak about the multiplicity of the system, and she herself "forgot" about it.

So when her boyfriend began to suspect, and asked her about it, I said no. No, I am not a multiple. (Technically true. I considered myself mostly integrated... my favorite word is confederation, since it implies limited autonomy, joined in mutually beneficial union.) But then he asked me some direct questions and watched my body language. And some who weren't allowed to speak went nutzoid introducing themselves through twitches and ticks. (The facial tick didn't go away for several weeks after.

So, I got out-ed, and can discuss these things as a result of that outing.

The shorter answer to your question is: Being separate people is strongly correlated in my mind to being in an unsafe, abusive situation. Because I am safe and loved, it seems appropriate for me to try to be one person now. Others may not have the same experience but for me multiple = endangered, singleton = secure. Maybe because my split happened relatively late in childhood, and I remember what it was like to be just one person.

When I come unravelled - literally - it usually means that I am way stressed out. I exhibit self-abusive behaviors in order to provide the kind of environment that lets my alters come unglued, which causes more self-abuse. I can either spiral out of control like that, or I can choose to pull myself together, take some nootropics and extra vitamins, get proper sleep and exercise and be just Nixi.

Re: Veering FAR off topic.

[larzmachine.livejournal.com]

"One of the alters was created by the primary personality, as everything the rest all wished they were. She was named and set loose, sort of. She was supposed to be a temporary solution, but she overpowered her creators and established herself as not only the front, but as the persona with the most control over the system. She, I, did not want to be dissolved when her purpose was served, and so, having been invested with all of the strengths the system possessed, she/I set about knitting it together."

Sounds like Us. I was originally a gladiator program, manufactured when the body was 6. By the time the body was 8, I was sick of the original host's mishandling of things, so I staged My own little mutiny. Talk about a dumb idea... Y'all have any idea how shaky things get when the "host" is actually a bloody subroutine, who then winds up splitting Himself?

On the upside, at least nobody can screw things up for the Krew worse than I already do... LOL

Re: Veering FAR off topic.

[whatitslike.livejournal.com]

I just want to say that I think you're very brave to know what it is that's best for you and work towards it. I do revel in my multiplicity, but just as I don't want anyone telling me I have to integrate (or confederate -- that's a great word!) I would hate for those of us who revel to make people who've chosen another course feel like they're doing something wrong. (And I doubt you needed to hear this, but I definitely needed to say it.)

Re: Veering FAR off topic.

[cirape.livejournal.com]

Eh-heh, our topic lasted long enought to drop off my friend's page and get ignored by us.
Until we were reminded of it ^^;;

Eh, anyway...As my boyfriend expressed it to me... it is sort of inefficient, isn't it?
Maybe for you...but for us it seems much more efficient. The ability to judge "yourself" more so than other people can is a good thing if you ask me ^^
Not that I'd trust everyone in here's judgement of me...but dividing tasks up based on who's good at what is something we find that works well for us.
Of course, we didn't start from abuse--atleast not that I remember. No, Diz might have, but then there's the whole lack of memory thing... (also on Diz, she tends to take the closest-to-core spot that we have, seeing as the core is Gone, but she was formed for a purpose and later split somewhat as well...
as well as becoming more than just that purpose.).

Um. fuck. I forgot what I was gonna say! Ugh. Well, it wasn't a direct reply to the same post the rest of this msg was, so if I remember it I guess I'll post it in a reply to whatever it's actaully a reply to...
assuming someone remembers when we're at the computer ^^;

Re: Funny you should mention this...

[ninquelote.livejournal.com]

And oh yeah, veering off topic once again, but we definitely feel your pain about having to put up with the 14-year-old 133t twinks in RPGs, heh. We've left several online games because of that. The trouble is finding games where there -are- good RPers, and when you're on one, keeping away all the 133ts who try to pester you for RP so they can show off how uber-whatever their character is. *snerk*

Re: Funny you should mention this...

[larzmachine.livejournal.com]

Yeah, no phrij. We used to run a GURPS game online, and luckily found a few good players, but most of the "applicants" were complete dweebs, like guys who think just because the game CAN do DBZ in theory, it SHOULD do DBZ in every game.

[larzmachine.livejournal.com]

As GM, My Krew is a great asset. It adds depth to My campaign worlds, makes NPCs that much more interesting (since I can have a few Krew take characters and play them for Me), and it lets some of the more timid or socially-incapable ones get out occasionally.

[larzmachine.livejournal.com]

Aw crud, I forgot to answer the basic question. Some of My Krew have "manifested" as GURPS characters, some of them literally designing themselves as characters in various settings. Makes people wonder why I have a giant ogre NPC named Floyd in nearly every campaign though...

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

Do the people you GM for know you're multiple? I'm just curious. Or do the people you game with seem like they would be unreceptive to that kind of thing? We've stayed in the closet ourselves frequently for similar reasons.


-anthea

Re:

[larzmachine.livejournal.com]

At first I tend to keep it fairly quiet, but most of Our friends know. All the guys in the GURPS group knew. They were all pretty cool with it, and it was kinda' Our campaign's greatest selling point -- "GMed by a real-live nutcase and the voices in His head!"

Of course, I don't really care what people (especially monos) think of Me, so that kinda' shapes things too. If they can cope with the fact "I" am a "We," then cool. If not, too bloody bad. Our AOL quote (back when We still used that Larzforsaken POS network) was "You think you're something special, don't you, momomind? Just remember, even one on one I've got you outnumbered..."

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

Your selling point? Heh heh! I guess if it was me, I'd be a little worried about how people would view me-- I really dislike it when people go around thinking I must have a psychopathic serial killer in here who could emerge at any moment-- but if they were cool with it and it was all in fun, 'tis nifty.

I guess my concern over how others will view me is largely related to the activism gig we have going-- needing to keep up PR and all that, and because of it, I'm often more civil to clueless people (both multiple and single) than I think they deserve, eheh. But that's just how I choose to live my life, and others' mileage may vary.


-anth