Feeling displaced

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

Hi I noticed earlier that one of my other parts wrote about a experience they felt at The Holloween Party I had last Night. My Name is Tiea . My T has told me for years I created these portions of me to help me deal with Life . The thing is I dont know how they got there names and such individuality .

It is not like I one day sat down and made up characters to take over my time, and me go amnesiac , that use to happen allot .

What surprised me tonight was to see that a part I understand well and feel close to, like a sister Shelby, felt very much the same way I did at the party. I kept feeling like my time was taken and I was locked away and was in a haze or thick fog and could not get back to me . Turns out they all were feeling that way when I was what we call fronting.

I feel I am always fronting and some of them come along and join me and we share time .

I am finding out it feels the same for them as it does for me . It makes me wonder who is the real Tiea them or me or are webecoming more co- conscious or more one if were feeling the same things . Have anyof you ever experienced the same thing as "the supposed alters " Thanks Blessing to all Tiea

Comments

[stealthdragon.livejournal.com]

I can relate to that, even to being stuck out front most of the time, when I might not want to be.

Finding that your experiences of their fronting resemble theirs of your fronting is nothing unusual - some systems work that way, perhaps due to something in their basic mechanics.

- A.

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

Thanks its good to know were not malfunctioning in some way. I know all systems are differnt but I am finding allot have the same kind of experience that has been good for us all to see Peace Shelby

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

yeah he tells Tiea allot of strange stuff about us . But to us sometimes it feels like we created Tiea or at least keep her a person . All Ts have differnt therorys about us other people and why we exsist . Occasionally Tirs asks the question whay Do I have "other People " Thanks Peace Shelby

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

Yeah , You got a good point . Sorta like no matter what Medical Docters say we know our body more . I feel like allot of Tiea's time with the T is describing what its like to be caught between two worls Like hwere does she go when someone else is out or How does she get back and then how do we filter memories to her .

Hes really trying to understand how we operate within what he has learned about MPD So sometimes he collects information , which we think is good and sometimes though he offers suggestions on how to improve , he has ben good on getting us to all cooperate and communicate more and ask internally when theres a conflict and respect each other . But when he offers info on how we could better improve we wonder if he could possibley understand what were saying . Thanks for the reminder Peace Shelby

[emmajeans.livejournal.com]

My T talks about shamanism and celebrating dissociation. Sometimes I smile and nod.

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

Interesting is he or she from India or Indian in any way ? We have one teen among us Named Elaine going on 17 that is totaly into what kinds of things your T is saying . I hope you dont just smile and nod cause you dont know what the T is talking about. If your wondring You should always ask. Sometimes it can be difficult to celebrate dissociation when your losing time or internal communication has not kicked in yet . Are you doing ok with dissocociating ? Or are you more co conscious ? Peace Shelby

[chaos-self.livejournal.com]

Nope, T's as Aussie as they come. He's sweet and bald and a little bit flamboyant! I think he's a bit of a hippie when he's at home. I can imagine him doing a drumming ritual.
I'm more co-conscious.
Not sure (still figuring out if i'm multiple, median, or just a crazy singlet!) about internal communication.

I smile and nod a lot because I enjoy his enthusiasm.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

He probably thinks you're dissociating because you're multiple.

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

I was just thinking that very thing. Like soemtime when you smile nod , blink or look up or whatever rub your hands together They think a person is disaccociating .

I remember one of the first signs Tiea had, that some thing was off was she never understood why she laughed nervously at the wrong times . It was not her doing it but Joanna The t caught on to that right away and Tiea wanted to correct her behavior, and one day Tiea starts laughing when she should be serious and she was frustrated with herself. Really trying to stop cause this was a totally inapprpriate emotion for the conversation .

The T reminded her she was "doing it again" and thats when Joanna got cranky and announced " Why cant I laugh this is what I feel when I hear you both talking " We always knew Joanna but none of us knew who was doing the annoing nervous giggle till then . We later found out it had something to do with talking about sex in any way. Joanna would just nervosu giggle . So any behavior or sign could be that of switching or dissacociating . I guess, Peace Shelby

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Some therapists just luuuuvvvv that. Come in in a different outfit and they go "Who's this?" And you go "It's me, Jordan. You know me, I just went out and got a new outfit." And they think you're saying your name is "Me Jordan" as opposed to just Jordan and you go "No, just Jordan. You know me, I've been coming in for months now." And they go "Just Jordan. Okay..." and then you raise your voice a little to say "It isn't LIKE that!" and they go "who's this?"

Anyway it looks like the way they are now defining dissociation, it means when you are focused more on your thoughts than on what is going on in your physical surroundings. So, dissociation is -- THINKING! And we can't have people thinking! They might stop shopping! And they might elect a real President! And... on, and on.

We've been laughing over this one

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

Hi My Name is Marcil and I am from The Mosaic Gang .

I was just sitting here with Tiea strumming on the guitar singing some classic " Reflections" Carly Simon and got your post it .

This is so true . We went to the T today for supervision and we always decide which music to pop in the Cd player , so Tiea goes and slips a Carole King Cd in and the T flips out and says "No Josh Groben today?" real curious .She says "No" so he goes on "Well who is feeling Nastoglic today?'" Whos thinking about being around 17 or 18?" She says "Nobody" "I just feel like reflecting with Carly or Carole . So he says TO Tiea well "Tiea prefers Josh Groben while doing supervision work" he continiues"Jade Prefers Carly and Carole and James, so Tiea jokingley uncharacteristicly says "well Jade always did prefer a good threesome ....when it comes to music " I swear he was looking all over the room trying to figure out who the heck he was talking too. He looks like he was looking for a ghost .

After Tiea and he fought over the music the first 4 songs. Tiea gets up and rips the Cd out of the CD player and goes "Forget it ", "Just forget it " So the T goes "Now jade are you going to let Tiea have the time she needs in here today ?" and he hands her the Josh Groben CD. Tiea looked down at the CD and said to the T" Do YOU want to hear Josh today cause I dont and this IS Tiea but I WILL listen to Josh If YOU want too.

Joanna and I were laughimg our butts off but it was truley sad for Tiea and frustrating . We deleberatly do not do extra shopping or differnt styles so he cannot do that to us. Bad enough when you have a female body and hair change in style or color can be seen as a new person not just a Bad hair day.

We've been sporting a Bed head look lately whear as we are normally more neat and sporty , but have been kinda run, ragged, burning the candle all over the place . The T likes the bed head thinks its a sexy youthful look and wants to know who it is !!! Ha ha Its Tiea too lazy too fix it and us going "what what style do ya want , were tired too" LOL Peace Marcil

and theres more

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

Oh I had to just add this on . Cangimh lip colors or gloss'e can get oen in troubel like if you enterthe office in one shade thats say fading so you breal to freshen up and wear a ice color or frost gloss when you just had a mattee finish nuteral shede on .

This can be seen as suspicsious as well as having Tea instead of coffee or forgetting your water bottle, Peace Marcil

he sounds nice

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

That sounds cool . A aussie ahy I'll bet he is a hippy. I'm finding allot of Ts are either way creative and liberal and arsty and hippeish or totally laid back conservitive . Just a observaton I work with LOTS of them and there seems to be no in between .

Its good you have somebody understanding to look into what your feeling and explore it with you .. I wish you well in your search , and just know , no matter what you descover ,its ok to be you .

Your icon is cool and actually looks like my cousin whos name just happens to be Syble , She kind of has a elegeant Victorian yet retro look about her and Bright red hair too.

I'm glad you have a nice T Stay in touch , Peace Shelby