talked to therapist got sent home from work

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

Hi All,

Its Shelby,

This much I know Tiea has been practically comotose . We went to OUR session but Tiea did not show .

We questioned T and were sent home from work with threat of being sent on to new T with complete records discharged to new Supervising Counsler and possibility of losing oppurtunity to do Emergency Intake ( which is the part of the job we do best and are paid most and Health benifit package is in but be demoted to Intake) . This guy is turning on us and definatly defensive .

We have always been able to talk Toni started which is never good and mentioned we did a internal assesment and there is NO tracer holding out or ISH but Toni felt if there was a ISH she could be it .

We agreed Tiea should remember in her own time cause we were not into merging memories and emotions , they should be her own , and she is Not even waking up she ,is exhasted but we've all been physcally ill with a Lupua Flare up she is the weakest physically . We tend to what the T cals revolve when ill we call it getting stuck .

Toni just out of her mouth comes "Well we feel we need a break from sessions " So of course , T says "I realize were getting close to a deep breakthrough and your all running scarred but hiding is not the answer . " "You were all craeted to help Tiea live and you may be feeling Threatened , but you will all still be with Tiea Maria just in a new way a better whole more full way a brighter world will open for you ."

We all sat there talikng inside arguing and out of nowhere Joe goes "Your keeping the girls sick, thinking about the past. Were comming in to speak of only job related stuff cause were not sick " Like he said it mean and invaded T personal space and was pointing at his chest . So we were told to punch out early and come back when we had a better attitude. We've never been so humiliated and Tiea is just sleeping away ( totally hiding ). We had a home visit to do so it was no big big deal. But the T is talking to us like we are not people again . Or small children who do not understand what he is saying . Then " wheres my hug before you leave " " Remember we dont leave mad at one another"to me and Toni Jade patted his back with a quick hug and we left as he smiled Geeez whiz.

Its so cold we could use some coaco with mini marshmellows, I want to drink it and jump in bed for a group hug and shake Tiea awake. We knew he would not take it well but Joe made it worse that was not the way we planned to handle any of this .

So of course Marty and Joe surprised us co fronters with a bouquet of wildflowers from the Market ... we can never stay mad at them . I swear I am willing to say "Oh yes I am the almighty "tracer " if Markey does not beat me to it just to have peace Feeling like sellouts Peace & Blessings,
, Shelby
Oh my gosh the sky was beautiful today a complete line between white and pure blue a line , looked like we were driving into the ocean . We imagine it looks that way on the West coast , at least it was a pretty drive home . PS my mood ring just went from bright blue to grey/green , does anyone remember what the colors mean?

Comments

[melange-fiesta.livejournal.com]

Usually I can make sense out of posts with less than spectacular grammar, but I really have no idea what you're tring to say here.

So sorry again

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

Hi its Shelby,

Sorry it seems your a real writer and basically can never make out my posts . When tired or upset , we tend to write free form and ramble . Mostly cause everyone is yelling at once . ( But dont think the last one was THAT GOD AWFUL)

We had allot of ground to cover , from advice and posts last night and the night before . So we were just announcing "a Yeah did all you all said and this is what happened " We were taken off our post at work , threatened to be outed by our Supervisor T and take a lower job with no health benefits , because basiclly we told T we did not need therapy over being Multiple as much as Job issues which is what he is suppose to be doing .


He is trying to get one of us to identify being a "tracer " a old term used with multiples and not all multiples have them . We dont .
But were willing to say we do to get him off our back and keep our job. Thats all we were saying .

I hope this made sense . If not it s the best I can do right now . Sorry .

Hard to believe were published writers, HUH ?Yep! Believe IT , some of our best writing and most powerful comes when we write free form.

Peace , Shelby

[kasiya-system.livejournal.com]

We understood it with no problems.

well yeah thats about right I think

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

Hello,

Deep breathes taken. Ok Tiea is what we call "Birthling" or original. She is sleeping allot cause we all have high fever with a Lupus Flare up , it does that . But we had no sick days left. Tiea body is weakest.

Tiea and we together , or the fronters that work , work as Emergency Intake Counslers in a Emergency Room Part - time and with Pregnant teens with a faith based clinic , and write grants free lance from home.

With University job at Hosptal the T for 18 years is suppose to be supervising us on Professional Counseling , like watch for burn out or identifying stressers and daily triggers we hear .

He got fixated the past month on recovering memories . Tiea and we as a group were doing somewhat well commmunicating . He is beating a dead horse and wants the "Tracer" who he believes to be in our group somewhere to come forward and help with repression of a memory .

There is no tracer . HONESTLY, Toni is like a protector of the kids and Tiea ,but never idenified herself as ISH but he assumed she is so she said"ok I will be sure" Anyways The T has felt threatened with us not wanting to work on issues regarding merging or recovering memories ( cause we know he will get rid of some of us ) from past others that cannot activate and co front run now.

Tiea knows the end result of the memory and can put 2 ans 2 together . She has not done so with true emotion and feeling = she has not broke down and relived it and Walah become more whole !!! Us gone or one.

The T has documents with MPD/DID diagnosis and is holding that over her head if she seeks a new T on job which would out her and she would lose the health benefit part of job. The T has always been supportive and empowering till we started posting and reading Multiple Community , Positively Plural, astarea and shared links with him.

We have not been in need of him now knowing there are so many out there like us we don't feel so isolated . The T is keeping us in therapy with Job over head cause all workers need to meet monthly for Counseling supervision or more if needed . He put down twice a week cause of MPD . We wanna talk about job related stuff he wants to uncover Tieas Blocked memories he feels were holding back .

We like even feel a love for him but want therapy about work not some "tracer" we cant find so he sent us home , till our attitude improved Heh heh Peace Shelby

Re: well yeah thats about right I think

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

Oh who oo O.o I wrote right after the first 3 line paragraph . I did not see it cut when I posted . We were 3 1/2 lines over Sorry ...
Trying to catch my nephew on new sitcom "Everybody Hates Chris", Based on Chris Rocks childhood HILARIOUS Vincent our godson plays Greg , Chris Rocks best freind. Its on UPN every Thursday at 8pm . The show came in First in all sitcoms in history higher than Cosby and second to Survivor. But I'll get back to ya all its over at 8:30 pm . About 10 minutes ...cant get the darn VCR to start UUUHG What a day , Peace Shelby

[kasiya-system.livejournal.com]

We understood your post just fine. Sorry to hear your therapist is treating you all that way. :( I'm not sure I would feel comfortable with my therapist demanding a hug from us before we leave our sessions though. That wouldn't feel right. The sky sounds pretty there. :)

Here's some links on mood rings:
http://science.howstuffworks.com/question443.htm
http://www.avantijewelers.com/facts/moodrings.htm

-Jenilee (reposted because I forgot a word)

Glad you understood my ramble

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

Hi Kasiya,

I'm glad you understood our first post . Thanks for giving us mood ring links too . Yeah well I guess the T after 18 years probobly thinks of us as a wife or daughter or what not . But we need a break .

He really had us thinking we were so Unusual and had to be fixed or we could not function without him . Problem is we do feel a love for him not romantic just caring love . But if he is going to act like this we gotta start steppen back a little . I mean he according to Gabe quoted a book to us today , that is not acceptable at all . You should be in my head right now and the teens you know how teens get over every thing Like No No WAY Yeah way now everyone HUSH LOL Gittery laugh , Peace Shelby & Jade , wish Tiea would wake up

Re: Glad you understood my ramble

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

Sorry .. correction I meant according to Andy . Thanks Andy . I gotta start reading the icons more carefully . Kaysiya I love your Icons we liked the cappucchino one last night

I need to make some for myself but count it a huge accomplishment we are even chatting world wide right now gives me chills .

Anyways Andy says My therapist got what he said to us from a book I forgot the name of the book but CM: will remember Yeah she just said "Mending Ourselves " we never heard of that one . The first book were reading on MPD all these years is "The Minds of Billy Milligan" cause the T thought we as a group should stay away from media blitz books , so of course we obeyed . He told us these books would upset us .

Now we want to read the best ones .. This is so weird he also said he worked from Dr Frank Puttman text, and I thought we all did ,that he was the Father of MPD Research and to be trusted ,Man its been a long night we need music were going to get some and nicotine Peace to you Shelby & Jade

PS You know for like 7 years we only thought there were three of us . Then one day we found out there was more . How long have you 3 been together ?

Re: Glad you understood my ramble

[kasiya-system.livejournal.com]

You're welcome.. yeah, you guys should do whatever feels more comfortable..

-kasia

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Your therapist's attitude leaves a great deal to be desired. He seems to have gotten his entire therapeutic approach out of books, and old books at that. The concept of a "flight into health" is real, but not every client who knows what she wants to focus on in therapy is doing that. If you do not feel you are on the verge of a breakthrough, he has no business pushing it.

This seems to be much more about your therapist than you. He seems to fancy himself the next Connie Wilbur. Perhaps he fantasises writing a book about your therapy and how he singlehanded rescued you from the hell that is multiplicity. He certainly seems to have read all the 1980s books on same. The words "you will all still be with Tiea Maria just in a new way a better whole more full way a brighter world will open for you" are straight out of Mending Ourselves.

And the concept that when Tiea remembers the single incident you are keeping from her, you will all spontaneously integrate and become one, is a therapeutic fantasy. It was never that easy except in The Three Faces of Eve, which was later revealed by Eve herself (Chris Costner-Sizemore) to be a complete lie.

I can see that his perusal of our pages has been of little value; he has probably read the whole thing with the attitude that we are in denial about our abuse, in dire need of therapy and integration, &c., in spite of his kind words about our being so very informative and organised. In addition, he seems to have formed an enmeshment with you. His behaviour as you describe it in prior posts is unethical. I don't mean the hugging business -- many therapists do that -- but the things you've mentioned previously concerning his prior relationship with you, and how you've been singled out for more therapeutic visits than other workers based solely on your multiplicity.

=====

Driving on the West Coast, particularly in certain areas at certain times of day, can be much as you describe. Have a look at this:

Bay Area and Rainbow Skies (http://ksol1460.fotopages.com/?entry=492164&back=http://ksol1460.fotopages.com/?page=0)

Mood ring information:
http://science.howstuffworks.com/question443.htm

[kasiya-system.livejournal.com]

You used Google too, didn't you? ;)

-Jenilee

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

I did. It was the same link Kai used in an essay on popular cultural icons that go in and out of style over the decades.

HE Qoueted Yikes

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

Hi Thanks ,

Wow you are realy serious ...My T qoueted to me exactley from a book ??? I want the page ! I'm showing him the book before Joe or Marty do . I'm more tolerant. That totaly puts us someplace we dont want to be . I mean he quouted from a book ,How lame . How ( no words ) He totally said that. Cause CM: is well, she is like a copy machine, she remembers things preciscley word for word from a kid she just repeats exactly what she hears always has . Shes the autistic kid we have . Its her gift.Although it can be annoying as well as helpful. We are equally in shock .

Ok Your Rainbow view is temporarily down but we'll keep trying it . It sounds beautiful. Thanks you

And according to the mood ring, I went from Calm and relaxed to Very or quite nervous and anxious ...gee maybe it has something to do with trying to write with everyone trying to talk at once .

We just feel he's malingering the T if at all possible. There is definatley counter- transferance going on and yes he has spoke of writing a book with us . He has mentioned we could do a session by session review book with our poetry .

We just feel like ok the Bio Father did this ...The Bio Mother did that ... The result was ...This a Baby... TIea knows it. Why remmemeber delivering it. Every acspect of being raped ,every little detail of a gang rape .How could that help ? Unless like someone else in community said these male doc' get off on the details. WE all feel gross Icky Peace Shelby

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

ok.. let's see if we got this right.. your T is basically threatening to out you at work.. (you work where you have therapy?) if you don't do just what he wants? ummm.. pardon me but if my interpretations are correct this guy needs his license yanked or beat into unconsciousness.. neither of which would be good for you guys.. *comfort*

yep

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

Yeah you got it . Or he wants a Dam "TRACER" sorry for shouting but we have none. To keep the job we'll collectivley make one since we know our history but that wont make Tiea feel her memories .

No he doesnet need to be beaten unconcious, more like concious ha ha We wouldent harm his bald head. We really kinda love him as a person but now we are steamin mad figuring out he's been really using us all these years .

I always knew this computer would come in handy if we figured out how to chat. the guys made us buy it . LOL sorta haha doom gloom . Were all over the place now escpecially the teenagers I wish I could find a new card game for them. Teens can get louder than toddlers or babies crying.... But Tiea continues to sleep like Snow white ARGGG Peace Shelby

Re: yep

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

not sure what to suggest.. .. you could lie to him... but not sure that would help much in the long run.. he'd probably try to drag everything out longer.. ..

Still bitchy More of Intro

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

Hi All,

My Name is Joeseph /joe for short. I live with 37 females and 1 other male adult, not including the kids and we have a house cat and a Lion That get along well.

We call ourselves The Mosaic Gang , Cause we were just The Gang for years . Tiea started taking a liking to actually making and creating all kinds of mosaics , with glass pieces , tile , china. clay , to go with her music and poetry , whatever and declopage, which is like that and the kids do collages so it made sense.

Marty and I are pissd off about the doc today and I got in his personal space and took the front. I pushed jade hard , dident mean to. I think I got us knocked off the job early but man he was bringing them down memory lane again . Its all the almighty $$$. We dont want to hurt the ladies but thats what we feel.

So Marty and I want to know for real did the Doc really tell us somethin from a book ? We heard the gals all really bitchen , some are crying and Tiea is still sleepin she 's sick, poor kid has a high fever . Were used to huggin him ,but we had a right to leave mad and NOT hug him today . If Tiea dosent wake up to feed her house cat were going to take a long weekend , her fever is pretty high

.We just wanted to say hey we our no Poet Lareals. Although Tiea is published poet. There was a time the internet in its infancy demanded no punctuation or paragraphs or cap letters. But then the body age is 45 Maybe were old for ya all. Before your time . But we appriciate all the help you've given the gals. Its a help to lookin out for them . All of ya have been real kind, we realize some our young and imature and singlet at that and seem to be turning off the ladies everytime one particular person trys to read there writing. What I wanna say is its not cool to get your panties in britches over a few periods and it really was not THAT bad .

Shelby is the sweetest woman we know . She takes a lot a shit an keeps takin it she keeps us all goin smooth and I cant make out if she is crying and bitchin about the Cola pepsi chic or the day or the qoute or the doc Tiea sleepin or all of it. We just wanna say we think your all cool . Stay Cool...
Joeseph and Marty

Old Geezers

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Our body age is 48. Don't worry.

Andy says he does not want you to get the impression that that was a word-for-word quote. He says there were several doctors in that book, Mending Ourselves is the name of it, who talked that way, promising a "brighter" or more "whole" life to those who integrated. I believe Robert Mayer reports having talked to his clients similarly in Through Divided Minds. What Andy was trying to say is that this type of promise was made by lots of therapists starting with Cornelia Wilbur and Sybil, and he feels that your doctor has learned most of what he knows about multiplicity out of these older books.

None of us have any trouble reading your posts. If a person had dyslexia it might make it a bit problematic. Paragraph breaks are the main things that help us, and often if you go in chronological order when you tell of an incident that happened.

Strength to you.

Re: Old Geezers

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

Hey guys,

We don't consider you old geezers but Niel Young and are likeness makes sense and Stevie Nicks now definatley. I guess we had a little meeting with the guys and some teens and they feel the T has been faking his concern for us over the years . Even if they werent direct qoutes , hes been reading material he always told Tiea and us not to read and we listened. We just totally trusted him even when our gut said different .

Even our Bio family felt he isolated us from them long after we had forgiven them . He has had plans to one day when were Cured write a book using Tiea's poetry as a backslide even her lyrics . She usually writes her best when she 's upset or in a deep mood , her best music when feeling spiritual . She sounds like a cross between Carly Simon and Sheryl Crow We were all kinda whining, ranting and I started crying cause we feel hugely dumb right now and trapped . We cant lose our health benefits we have Lupus

We've been bashing our brains wondering who in the world is the tracer but Tiea knows all the basics from all of us collectively , she just does not have feelings like some of us do , not really . She lives like a robot .

We think we do make her more human thats for sure , or maybe she is just a introvert . She looks like Snow White sleeping and we look like the dwrafs hanging around her . Sounds kookey I know . But we are a family . She is beautiful.

Were wanting to apologize if the guys come off edgy there sick of the T and we think they get tired of being the only guys here with all of us.

Please thank Andy for letting us know about the wording , it does not change that the T is following books though . We obviously have put more effort into this than him . He' is not thinking for himself or open to anything new for us . We think all your info on your site has been very enlightening and informative Thanks for caring enough to do all the work and Reasearch . Were going to hang out a while till Tiea wakes up. Anyone got any good jokes . Its Midnight on the Esatcoast so another hour and then we'll wake her Peace & Light , Shelby & Jade

" If it makes you happy it cant be that bad " Sheryl Crow

Re: Still bitchy More of Intro

[gryphons.livejournal.com]

Hello, it is a pleasure to meet you..

We know not whether what he said came straight out of a book. We leave that to the more academically knowledgeable. but it's very similar to a lot of stuff we've read... and been told.. *growls*


As far as the post.. we understood it.. so don't let that concern yourselves... do what you can and if we're not sure on a section we'll ask.

Re: Still bitchy More of Intro

[jadedmosaic.livejournal.com]

Hi Hey , Thats what Elaq was just saying from asterea about posting and the books .

We were thinking of lying to the T but we all signed a agreement Tiea made a "Creed" there would be no Lying between us or the T . Most of us signed it back in 1989.

Has your main Birth / body person ever gone to sleep a long time ?
We had this happen a couple a times she was sick but once she left for 2 years . If she feels betrayed and possibly losing her job she might do that .

Someone mentioned lying about a tracer . CM: is autistic in a way where she repeats all info she heas precisly verbadem we wonder if she would work if we quizzed her . I wonder if thats what Andy meant by someone who retraces stuff ? We have a person called Recorder cause she takes notes allot, wonder if that would work .?

We took a Bible test earlier like a quiz to see which book from the Bible were like most and we were praying it would not come up JOB but it came up Ephesians the Faith book so I guess thats good . So we got faith I cant figure where I put the link . If anyone is interested I'll see if I can find it wait I found it with CM: help:

http://quizilla.com/users/reflectedgrace/quizzes/
Hymm it dident highlight though ... We'd like to know more about you . Its a pleasure meeting you too, Peace Shelby & Jade

Re: Still bitchy More of Intro

[kasiya-system.livejournal.com]

it sounds like your therapist is trying to keep control of you guys..

I like how you came up with the name "The Mosaic Gang".

I think you guys have a right to be upset and angry over discovering what's been going on.

This icon is white bloom rose. We made it. :)

-kasia & Jenilee