Multiplicity as something cognitive-behavioural?

[silence1986.livejournal.com]

Hi all,
I'm new to this community. I'm Astrid, aged 19 and have had people in my mind since I was about 11 I think. though I fantasized about being "someone else" and all that long before. I used to think that I was sort of mid-continuum, in that I have people in my mind on whose perspectives I will act (which I can't influence) but that I don''t lose time or important personal information, ie. I'll always remember that my name is Astrid and I'm 19, etc.

However, over the past couple of months I've realized more and more that my insiders are an identity issue rather than anything personality-related, ie. I'm not at all multiple but just can't see that all these people are actually one and the same. (Of course, the psychiatric model also says that it's an identity disorder, but the way therapists treat DID is usually as if it were a personality thing, ie. the insiders/alters truly being separate. I btw don't have DID.) This got me to think about my insiders from a cognitive-behavioural viewpoint, thinking that in many ways it's something about rationally seeing that I can "integrate" the insiders instead of looking at it from a more traditional, psychodynamic viewpoint.

This is at once helpful to me, ie. if it's cognitive-behavioural and I rationally know this, I should be able to throw away the system right away, but at once it's confusing, since if I know I created the others because I couldn't see that this is all one person, why can't I just shut down the system, now that I know this? Why can I say, rationally, that I'm one, but still feel that I'm nine? Am I analysing too much? People who don't know too much about my system say so, and it makes me feel as if I'm making it up. I don't have DID, cause I know that my "multiplicity" is not dissociation, but it's not just my thoughts/feelings that have gotten names, and neither am I a natural multiple or someone claiming she likes being multiple (I would love to be "fully" singlet). Or am I just an adolescent who's confused about who she is and is taking this a little too far? This is at least partly true, but does that mean I'm overreacting? I'm sort of confused and any comments would be appreciated.

Comments

[thehumangame.livejournal.com]

I don't lose time or important personal information

Nor here. Our experience is pretty much unrecognizably different from things like DID. The surrounding circumstances, most of the 'symptoms', nearly all of the normally present issues. There's only the perhaps superficial similarity of more than one self; just about everything else is different.

if it's cognitive-behavioural and I rationally know this, I should be able to throw away the system right away, but at once it's confusing, since if I know I created the others because I couldn't see that this is all one person, why can't I just shut down the system, now that I know this? Why can I say, rationally, that I'm one, but still feel that I'm nine?

A bit of personal experience: once, some time ago, I came to a similar conclusion and tried to 'shut it down'. Didn't work. Because, in the end, it didn't matter what I thought I saw, what I wanted, or anything else really, simply because I wasn't the only one who could think or want. And she didn't want that.

Why do you think it is that you can't just 'shut it down'?

Here's a question, though: why do you want to? Now, I don't have much of an idea from what you've told us how well it maps onto anything I've experienced, but that doesn't really matter. You sound like you've been that way for quite a while. Is it not working out well?

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

"I'm not at all multiple but just can't see that all these people are actually one and the same."

Perhaps that is because they are not.

A little more explanation

[silence1986.livejournal.com]

Hi all,
Thanks for the comments. I think I should explain some more about my "system".

As I said, I've had "others" since I was 11 (1998), but the "system" has not always been equally active. In fact, there've been a few periods when I felt very "separate": when it initially started for 1 1/2 years, then in late 2001 and early 2002, and now over the last two years. Between these, I felt pretty much "one"--I still recognized the "others" but it was more like soulbonding, as they didn't get involved in my daily life.

I also know, rationally, that all the "insiders" are parts, as in parts of a person, cause I could integrate each of them separately if I wanted to, but they're too separate from each other to be merged with each other.

Why would I want to feel singlet? Cause my system isn't cooperating well--they have such radically different opinions on what I/we should be like that it's interfering with my taking (collective) responsibility. In fact, I always thought that if they learnt to cooperate, they'd just merge - but now that I see it as a cognitive-behavioural thing, I wonde rif it's about me seeing that they can cooperate, even if they don't, and maybe then they will. My time when I felt most "separate" occurred in 2001/2002 and after that came a time when I felt most "singlet" and felt that my "insiders" were just behaviours that I ought to change, so why can't I now, that I am less "separate" than I was then?

Re: A little more explanation

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Perhaps because they are not just a collection of behaviours.

All the books and films from Three Faces of Eve onward send the message that if a system doesn't cooperate well, it's best to try to integrate. Rubbish. A family who didn't cooperate well wouldn't be told to smush themselves together into a single unit. Learning to cooperate does not cause integration; that is a psychiatric myth.

Convincing them to cooperate may not be as easy as simply imagining them cooperating. Although it might help if you think of them as being able to cooperate, and speak to them believing in their good sense and trustworthiness.

[melange-fiesta.livejournal.com]

I know you're not sure if you're actually a multiple, but neither am I! The way you described it in your post sounded like you weren't realy multiple, but in your comment you say that your "insiders" each have differing opinions on things, opinions you don't control and have to combat by the sounds of it, which seems indicative of multiplicity. So... I really don't know what to tell you.