Losing...myself?

[wingedwolf-2004.livejournal.com]

Quick intro - I've been here before but I'll re-introduce myself. I am fmale/19 and I have two others with me, one named Toby who is 12-19/male and Alex who is 18-19/male.

Okay so the other day Toby came through and I resided to rest for a bit, as I was in a strange mood. My girlfriend said I had been doing weird things (before he came out), like I wouldnt talk to her much and I avoided shadows all day and eventually ran back to our house and had a panic attack.

A little later Alex came out and had sex with my girlfriends new 'other' casie, and then they both resided back, bringing Toby forward again. However I was nowhere to been seen and Toby became very upset that he couldnt 'find' me. My girlfriend got very upset and didnt speak to Toby, and Toby tried to hurt himself to take away the anger that he couldnt find me.

Toby remained forward for almost a day and I fe;t myself coming forward occasionally, but I had this horrible feeling that my personality was not 'complete'. I think some of it may have broken off, as I now have yet ANOTHER new boy named Hayden who seems very naive and frightened.

Does anyone know what is going on? I'm pretty scared that someday I could just loose myself completly....

Comments

[kasiya-system.livejournal.com]

sounds confusing

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

I guess the first thing I would ask is: Does your system usually work in such a way that new people are "broken off" from existing persons? And: When you "reside" away from the front, do you go somewhere else or is it more like just stepping back and turning the body over to one of the others?

[wingedwolf-2004.livejournal.com]

The newer people dont seem to have broken off from the others, although Hayden only appeared after Toby felt angry/sad.

And when I reside, sometimes its like stepping back, behind the other person, or sometimes its like i go off but my mind is then present in whoever is forward, so I can see/feel what they do but I know that its not me.

Confusing ne >.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

We have "the mind is still present", which gave Jay the impression for years that he wasn't multiple, until he realized it was an impersonal observance mechanism and not himself personally. This is how we remember what goes on and don't "lose time" (actually, lose continuity).

If we had a thing like that happen here, we would think it was glitches in the operating system as new people make themselves known. It doesn't sound like you will lose yourself. The main thing is to work together to be sure you still communicate. If people don't usually break off in your group, Hayden probably didn't -- just because he appeared after Toby felt negative emotions doesn't necessarily mean a split. Maybe you guys became aware of him because of Toby's feelings (maybe he showed up to help?), or maybe he just happened to show up. Or he could have broken off (try asking him?), but if your system doesn't usually work that way, chances are he didn't. Can you keep track through notes or a diary?