Confused and Scared

[my-name-is-jack.livejournal.com]

Hi everyone I just wanted to come and introduce myself and ask a few questions... I dont really know where to start I guess because this whole concept is new to me. So a bit of a background I guess would be I just turned 18 years old, I've been hearing voices since I was about 12, at first it was nothing but mere scraps of conversation usually as i was waking up or laying in bed at night so i gave it no thought and assumed i was just tired, when i was 15 or 16 it started getting a little more common mostly just when i was spacing off but the sounds and emotions were a little more clear (still very fuzzy, but where i could at least make out words or names) but everytime i tried to focus on it, it would just disappear. i was very confused at it because the bits and pieces i heard and names were nothing in my own memory and not people i knew. eventually i learned to cope with it and basically just considered it normal. but lately its been very strong and last saturday i had my first ((forgive me if my description offends anyone, im very new to all of this)) out of body experience where i actually felt as if I was not the one controlling my body, my fiancee and I were in the mall and i was spacing out thinking about if i wanted a cherry limeade from topsy's or not, and the next thing i know Richard (my fiancee) is waving his hand in front of my face and im standing in the GAP oogling a khaki mini-skirt... okay i know that must not sound like much to you guys but i am not the type of girl to shop at the gap, i hate khaki, and i havent worn a skirt in YEARS... but as i was coming to all i could think was "buy it buy it buy it... it would be cute" okay so i was completely and totally freaked out, i had to lie to my fiancee and tell him i had a migraine and wanted to go home, when we got here he kept asking me over and over what happened so i explained it to him as best i could (i trusted him not to think i was crazy as he had been the only one i had told about the voices when i was 16)he sat quiet for a while and then asked me if i'd ever heard of multiples and i told him no, so he suggested that i look it up on the net and read into it a little and see if maybe it was a possibility in my case, so for the last couple days i have been reading up and i must admit i thought it was a little far-fetched ((in my case, not yours... i totally believed it was true, i just wasnt sure if that was what i was going through)) well i came across an article that said something about "lurkers" and how they just stood by inside your brain almost unseen and unheard for the most part, i read stories about others taking over the body and the original host ceasing to exist, and i must admit that COMPLETELY frightened me, but then i found this community and i read back quite a few entries and saw how much the importance of communication was stressed, so last night after Richard fell asleep i snuck out of bed and had a long talk with myself i sat down and i said to myself something along the lines of "i'm not sure if i'm talking to myself or not, and if there is someone else present im not sure if it will do me any good to address the issue, but if someone is present please make yourself known if you are in my mind you have just as much right to be here as i do" (thats obviously the shortened version but you get the point) i figured if i was in someone elses body i would feel unwelcome untill the person acknowledged that it was okay... well after that i went to bed and felt a little silly for talking to myself but hoped it may resolve the issue. this morning richard left to go to work and i stayed in bed until late afternoon, when i got up i went to the restroom and on the mirror in my favorite hot pink lipstick the words " My Name Is Jack" were written... i totally freaked out, i called my fiance and accused him of it since i had spoken to him about it but he swears up and down he didnt do it and hes never lied to me before. I dont know what to do or where to start or even if i'm multiple... its just kindof a very hard situation to grasp so quickly. anywho any advice or suggestions would be most appreciated, if i am multiple i dont want to make Jack feel unwelcome just because i'm frightened...help.
also i have a few questions if anyone could answer them it'd be wonderful, im sick of reading all this psych-mumbo-jumbo about multiples on being present in cases of trauma, so i would definitely love to hear from you and your others.
1.)how did it all start? was it a quiet slow beginning or was it BANG theres someone else here?
2.)is it possible to create an other? when i was in my most dire time of longing for a friend, for someone to speak to was when all this began.
3.) do others find you when you need them or do you find them when they need you? ... i hope that makes sense... like would Jack have come to me because he felt i needed someone or did he need someone and just happen upon my body?
please help. i'm so sorry this is so scatterbrained but i'm just trying to figure it all out, thank you in advance for any help you can offer.

Comments

[changelyng14.livejournal.com]

Hi and welcome :)

from your story it sounds like you might be multiple indeed! :?
I'd like to compliment you on your diplomacy skills in making contact with 'Jack'.

It seems your situation is that you have very little internal co-conscious if jack can make-up your mirror and you have no memory of it at all, but you've heard 'their' voices before which i think is a good sign, that you have the capacity to communicate internally. which may help you later on.

1.)how did it all start? was it a quiet slow beginning or was it BANG theres someone else here?


no clue, flip a coin.

2.)is it possible to create an other? when i was in my most dire time of longing for a friend, for someone to speak to was when all this began.

very possible, but i dont recommend doing it further.

3.) do others find you when you need them or do you find them when they need you? ... i hope that makes sense... like would Jack have come to me because he felt i needed someone or did he need someone and just happen upon my body?


I can't speak for Jack, but my bet is that he 'came out' to you because you asked him to.

---

'we' are definately multiple, and had an experience very similar you yours about 2 years ago. (I, myself, gained consciousness during the confusion) how it went for us depends on which one you ask. if you want to know about me, read my journal, its rather terse.

we had trouble finding information about multiplicity that wasn't written to non-multiples, and while we found support groups in our area for families of multiples, we found none for multiples themselves. (we've thought about forming one).

we'd be happy to interact with you over chat or email or whatever with everything we know, and this thread will surely be filling with nice friendly people very soon :p

if i can only hold your attention for a little while id like to say there are, as far as i can tell, 3 major camps of opinion on the subject of mpd.
1. it doesnt exist, and people like you, nd me, are making it up. (seriously, and they seem to be in the majority)
2. make them one. (integration)
3. its natural, live with it, and live well. (healthy multiplicity, which the bulk of the active participants here seem to be about)

-getting mature and having 'lurkers' reveal themselves one day apparently happens every day.(but some accuse 30 as being a more common age for it)

-having cross-genders is common, i assume you are female and jack is usually a boys name. dont sweat it, itll probabaly be harder for him to cope with then for you. (i say that as another cross-gender).

-long term blackouts happen. days, months, years. I hope to not scare you, but i hope you are successful at meeting and making peace with your backseaters. :(

-a good place to start, imo, is to get to know jack, and any others that may be. try to develop some sort of internal communication, or use a journal/sticky note system. (but dont assume your headmates can write) Also, it might be a good time to take things easy. skip a semester, use that paid vacation, whatever.


-my biggest advice is this though, whatever you learn about yourself over the next several months, 'want life', and to be involved in it.

and read these. they address alot, as well as what to do should you find yourself in the shoes youve described.

http://www.karitas.net/blackbirds/layman/
http://www.astraeasweb.net/plural/faq.shtml

good luck! :P
Tia of the Changelyng System

also, id encourage your fiancee to get reading on this forum and he's free to contact me as well. im at changelyng@gmail.com

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Oh, good morning. You're very welcome here, not to worry. We would never presume to tell anyone that they are multiple; only you can decide that. However, if you are, the best thing you can do is let the others know that you wish to communicate. You can do this by leaving notes, either on a whiteboard or in a shared notebook, or simply by speaking to them, as you did. The answers to your many questions will best be found in-system as you get to know the others.

I wonder if you could put your post under an lj-cut as it's quite lengthy. (how to make an lj-cut: http://www.livejournal.com/support/faqbrowse.bml?faqid=75) It won't upset anyone, it's just that it's rather long. You can read the community policies here:
http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=multiplicity

I would be happy to fix it for you myself, but admins cannot edit member posts in that way.

[jhonathand.livejournal.com]

"1.)how did it all start? was it a quiet slow beginning or was it BANG theres someone else here?"

:- Well I can tell you about 'our' begining, There were signs, for a few months, nothing I would call Dramatic, but signs none-the-less. Just odd moments where I "Wasn't Myself" (I.E. One night on a late night walk, i went to a lake near my Apt. and got the feling that I shouldn't be there. Having spent many nights there I thought this was strange. Next thing I knew I was bobbing up and down, very anxious and the overwhelming urge to "Fly away" {like a bird to be precise} was coming over me, and the detatched 'fuzzy' feeling kicked in). But Otherwise it was a gradual process untill the night that Frost Arrived. That happened kind of BANG someone else is here.

"2.)is it possible to create an other? when i was in my most dire time of longing for a friend, for someone to speak to was when all this began."

:- It is possible. Most of the People in this community, to the best of my knowledge were born with it. My Roomate was. There are times when I think that I created 'My' brothers, but now I can't imagine living without them, the signs have been their since a while ago. and well, that question delves into the whole 'questioning reality phase' and that's a paradox best avoided for now.

"3.) do others find you when you need them or do you find them when they need you? ... i hope that makes sense... like would Jack have come to me because he felt i needed someone or did he need someone and just happen upon my body?"

:-Well it sounds to me, that you and Jack need each other. Frost and Jake who live with me in our body, defenitely come to me when I need them. I also try to go to them as much as they need it. Also depending upon your spiritual beleifs and what not, There are many other's out there who can find you.

I don't want this to scare you. I'm just offering the truth from my point of view. Other People in this community will probably be able to help you more. I'm just trying to answer your immeadiate questions to the best of my knowledge. You can take this or leave it. makes no matter to me.

I also admit that I could be wrong about all these things, because I'm still really new to this state of being as well. I've found that I'm adjusting pretty well though and that life still functions just as it has all along.

I just have 2 brothers that live in my body with me. I realize that's very simplistic. But sometimes, The simplest answer tends to be the right one.

Good Luck, and please try not to be so worried or frightened, The scenario you read about an 'Other' personality taking over the person, is a Worst Case Scenario. Try not to put to much stock in that.

Best Wishes and if applicable Welcome to the community,.......~M/Frost/Jake~

Thank-You Both

[my-name-is-jack.livejournal.com]

First Off I- ((we??.. i guess i should get used to saying that, i dont want to make anyone feel less equal)) -would like to appologize for the super long entry, I didnt realize it was so lengthy and it now happily resides under the cut.

secondly, thank you so much for your advice, i only found this community a few days ago and was rather nervous to join it because i was afraid i'd be called a fraud or a faker, but after the event this morning i didnt know where else to turn.

Tia, thank you so much for all of your help and i will definitely check out those links along with your journal, as for the trans-gender comment im not quite sure if Jack is a male or female, the name Jack implies male but the khaki skirt and the fact ie chose the hot pink lipstick as opposed to the heaps of pens paper post-its bulletin boards in my home makes me think that Jack is either a female or a very feminine male... i think both of you are right though that communication is the best place to start and i will be starting a journal first thing tommorow or maybe even before i go to bed, i think i will leave a list of questions maybe jack will answer them or at least acknowledge that it was him/her that left me the pretty mirror note.

thanks so much, and i will check back on this post regularly and try to keep up with comments.

Re: Thank-You Both

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

We don't call people things like that on this community, and anyone who told you you were a fraud or faking would be banned.

It's quite possible that Jack wears skirts because he likes them -- sethrenn^Shiu does that -- or that he thought you would look nice in it. He might choose pink lipstick to write with in order to get your attention. Or, as you say, Jack could be a lady. One can rarely assume anything. (Numerous people have assumed I'm a redhead with a short fuse because I'm Irish.)

[kasiya-system.livejournal.com]

Nice to meet you. :) If you'd like another site to read over, we have one as well with a FAQ about ourselves and how we view Multiplicity and other things.

http://kasiya.homestead.com/

[ricktboy.livejournal.com]

hey, welcome and hello to you and jack :)

I'm Rick, of the Pack Collective, and you can feel free to contact me or anyone else in the Pack Collective, we've almost all got lj's, AIM names and email addresses, found through our user info pages, or email me at rpjmacleod (at) gmail (dot) com ... rpjmacleod@gmail.com

anyway, to answer your questions:

1.)how did it all start? was it a quiet slow beginning or was it BANG theres someone else here?

lol, we really should write an FAQ of our own...

Anyway, Liz was born here, a week later Rachel arrived, no one's sure how. Anyway, at around 6 or 7, Rachel began talking to Wolf...she knew he was here since the body was 2...she saw him then...they talked, for a long time, and at 15, I was born...created due to trauma...at around 16-17, I began fronting...with the exception of cubbie(who is 12), Alana(who is a walk-in/channel), and Wolf(who is ageless) our ages are in relation to the body, which is 25. I am 25, Rachel is about 16(she stopped aging at that age), Liz is also 25. Tara is 22(yep, born here aroun body's age 3) and Faith is 21.(born a year after Tara)

so yeah, it was sort of natural for us...Rachel had always known...I on the other hand, despite being born as an "other"(forgive the term, everyone)had no idea we were multiple until I was about 21(not really sure how old I was)when cubbie was born. the others began to surface, and I got freaked out a few years later, and built a wall in my mind to block them in.(horrible, I know, and I love them all now, but I was scared)about 6 months ago, Faith and cubbie managed to break through the wall, and I was forced to come to terms with being a system...I went inside, due to the stress, and "took a vacation". My husband got to know Faith and Tara, and eventually Liz, and I got to know them all too, on the inside...I began to realize that images(like the visions I'd always had of the honeycomb we live in)or things I'd heard but couldn't place(like cubbie's laughter, or Tara's singing)made sense now. We all recognize Liz as the original now, and what she says on system issues is final. Faith is our protector, her incredible instincts and heightened reflexes keep us safe outside, Tara's our heart, and also our healer...when we're hurt, or ill, she knows how to fix us, naturally, sometimes with herbs and home remedies, and other times with energy or chanting(like spells, she's a wiccan) but anyhow, I've run on.


2.)is it possible to create an other? when i was in my most dire time of longing for a friend, for someone to speak to was when all this began.

in my opinion, yes. it's possible to create others, and sometimes, when systems get big, people inside fall in love, marry, have children...I was created, as was cubbie. Wolf wasn't, Tara's what we call in-system a "split"(meaning she wasn't born, or created, but split off of someone else)and Faith was born in here.

3.) do others find you when you need them or do you find them when they need you? ... i hope that makes sense... like would Jack have come to me because he felt i needed someone or did he need someone and just happen upon my body?

I think people come together in systems for lots of reasons...Faith's personal spirituality has a really good explanation for it...but I'll let her tell you about it another day, I'm not sure of all the details.

anyway, again, feel free to contact any/all of us.

Rick
Pack Collective