A few problems in this System shall be soon solved...

[niteofsyn.livejournal.com]

My name is Nighthawk, from the Nighthawk System. I am not the front runner, but one of the 3 main residents: Myself, Synthesis, and Chris. Chris, I know has posted in this community before, so I do hope my post will be welcome here as his was.

This System, in which I am a resident, has recently had some trouble as of late. I have done some things I should not have, as well as things that I could not do, due to the fact that I did not want to see the consequences. I lied to myself and wanted, at one point, to end my own life. In the Cut is the same post which I placed in Chris's LiveJournal earlier this evening. Read it if you choose. Thank you for your time.


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I am severely sorry for the way I have been acting the past few weeks, Chris. The realization that I am responsible for Analese's condition has caused me to to rethink my strategy of dealing and talking with people. Know this: I do care very much for Analese, but I do not wish any harm to come to her, nor any member of her System. I have never wished ill harm on anyone, ever. Although I have tried to come to terms with the fact that I am responsible for the current sickness and the eventual death of Analese of Bizamoogie. Granted, I do care for her so, but the fact that I am responsible for her current situation is inexcusable.

There was a day when I needed help. Analaese, without any warning, whatsoever, transported herself to the System, which I am a resident of. Although she stayed only a very short time, she left me a present, a box which contained a semi-large bottle of her blood.

I was ecstatic with the fact that I was cared about, and was actually left a present by someone I had known in person. I did, however, consult her and the other members of her System about whether or not this was a healthy decision on her part. Even the Gatekeeper of said System said that I had nothing to worry about. I asked on many occasions if this was the cause of Analese's pain and suffering, and each time, I was told that I had nothing to worry about. All the time, worrying about the safety and well-being of Analese.

On many occasions, I had revealed my interest in Analese, and many times before, she had revealed her interest in myself. At this point, I do not know if any of this was true on her part, but the part of my caring about Analese has not changed at all. After a few days, I missed talking with her. I missed seeing her (granted, I have only seen her once, and I was entranced by her beauty). I have done the one thing that I promised myself that I would never do: get attached to another woman. I once had a wife, but she passed away long ago. I will not go into the details of her death, but I will say that I swore to myself that I would never get close to anyone again.

Yes, I know that I am writing this while heavily inebriated, thanks to Chris and a few of his friends (namely Zander and Hutch), but everything I write comes from the heart, namely, my own. Chris has had no say in this, namely because he is currently passed out drunk. But, due to my, and Syn's (it is strange, uttering this phrase) fronting, I have been able to write this without the interruption of Chris's thoughts. He is a very nice person, host, and front runner and all, but his thoughts have mainly circulated around a certain a person, recently. His thoughts can also be very chaotic at times. Do keep in mind that, during my time away, I have not missed a thing that has been going on. His coughing up blood has concerned me a great deal. Usually, it is my healing ability that has trickled down to him, that helps him to not be sick on many occasions, but the fact that this has been going on for more than a week, now, is a big concern of mine. If he does not visit a doctor soon, I will force him to go. It is not only the coughing up of blood that worries me, but the overall loss of blood from his body that worries me. It is not natural, and it should be checked out, even if he chooses not to to reveal said loss to his friends. He did try to tell his family, but they didn't do much to help him at all. The boy needs a doctor.

I have never wished to be a bother to anyone. Unfortunately, I have involved myself in a situation that I cannot excuse myself from. I am terribly sorry for any trouble that I have caused to both, the Nighthawk System, and the System of Bizamoogie. I am sorry to Rene, Heather, Nolly, Sarena, Lori, and especially Analese. I am very sorry. I did not mean to cause such a disturbance in your System, nor my own.

It has been so long since I have communicated with anyone in my own System. For a while, I had tried to integrate myself with Chris. To be honest, I wanted to end my life, knowing that I had caused the fatal condition of another. But it was such thoughts that led me to think of what would become of Chris, should I either become part of him, or just disappear completely. I could not finish the thought. My honor would not let me do such a thing, especially without asking Chris for permission, first.

I have returned. Albeit, with a piece of my soul missing, but I have returned. It shall heal with time. I shall not shed what little pride and honor I have left. I could not. I am one who admires honor more than most. It is what we vampires like to look toward most of any quality.

I am afraid that I have dragged this out long enough. I would like to just say that I am back, and do not wish to be a worry of Chris. I am here to protect him as long as the boy may need me. I do not care for my own personal relationships. They have meant almost nothing so long as I have lived, to a point, and as long as I live, I swear to not be involved again. I am the Gatekeeper of this System. If the Gatekeeper is distracted, bad things come in, and bad things happen. This cannot be the case anymore. I have returned.

I am sorry Analese. I do miss talking with you. I cherish the little time I have spent with you in person, although you were ill and asleep at the time. I cherish our friendship, and do wish for it to continue as long as you have a breath within your body. I am sorry I do not have a physical body with which to present myself, with which to show you my true nature, nor with which to hug you, caress you, or even kiss you, which I have yearned to do on many occasions. I am sorry that I am the cause your condition, but unfortunately, it must be so. I have spent too much time away from this System. I have kept myself locked up. I have let Syn have her reign. I have worried Chris with my negligence and my absence. I cannot let this stand anymore. I apologize to everyone whom I have hurt and whom I have worried. I did not mean to. I am sorry.

-Nighthawk (John Empathizen Neyden [Heflin] III)

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Comments

[laurenthemself]

I hope that Analese recovers, if that's possible, and that your apologies are accepted by those to whom they were directed.

[niteofsyn.livejournal.com]

From what I have learned at this point, Analese is no more. Actually, neither is the majority of the System of bizamoogie. Supposedly, the Core has been rediscovered and everyone except Heather integrated into it.

A very tragic loss, indeed. To be honest, though, I do not know how Heather feels about this. I have not been able to talk with her personally for some time. It truly is a shame that I will never be able to say goodbye to any of them. I knew them all.

-Nighthawk

[laurenthemself]

You are lucky that you knew them all. I only knew of their system through their posts here.

[niteofsyn.livejournal.com]

I do consider myself lucky that I knew them. It was also great to have someone to talk with during the nights (almost every) Chris's insomnia kicked in strong.

-Nighthawk