(no subject)

[unknown-tales.livejournal.com]

Though my system is fairly co-conscious and responsible, from time to time we have problems. Usually this comes in the form of someone locking themselves out front during a particularly bad emotional state. While front, the rest of us cannot reach the person, and as such have no way of helping the person front deal with their emotions in a safe and productive manner. It does not happen often, but it happens enough that we are concerned about it. When the said person is completely front, they will ignore whatever means of communication we try to use, and will at some point go into a state of denial that the rest of us even exist. This state usually does not last longer than a couple of days, though it has once lasted for close to a month. We have managed to lessen the number of times this happens by learning the warning signs, I suppose you could say, and helping to discharge the bad emotions before they become overwhelming. But we still do not know what to do when the person locks us out.

I was wondering if anyone had experienced anything similar, and had some advice to give. Any advice will be welcome, of course.

Comments

[kasiya-system.livejournal.com]

That's a tricky one, mainly because everyone is so different and their reasons for doing things can be complicated. The only thing I can think of is trying to find what is at the root. What is their reason for doing this? It could be fear. Maybe they are afraid that if they leave the body that they will disappear or will never be able to use it again. Or perhaps they feel that there needs to be someone in control of a confusing situation. Is there a way you can all get together and talk about what is going on and see if you can find out why this person is doing this?

-Jenilee

[unknown-tales.livejournal.com]

We've tried talking about it many times, but the person in question is very sensitive to certain things, and does not wish to spread the pain or burden the rest of us in any way, despite the fact that we are more than willing to help. You did give us a new possibility to think about. The idea of disappearing completely struck a nerve with the person in question, and so now we have a lead, at least. Thank you.

[kasiya-system.livejournal.com]

You're welcome. I hope things work out for you guys.

-Jenilee

[zenboiuke.livejournal.com]

*nods* When I am super stressed sometimes I accidentally cut myself off from the others ><;; I used to think they just left, but that's silly... they're not the types to do that. I still haven't figured out how to break down the wall when that happens :\

~Kier

[unknown-tales.livejournal.com]

We haven't figured out how to break down the wall either, and it can be very frustrating.

[our-haven.livejournal.com]

*raises hand* Guilty. I've been facing some pretty severe depression lately, on account of being bipolar, and when I'm at my worst I often lock myself in front. I don't think it's always a concious choice-- sometimes I feel like it's a survival mechanism just to shut everyone else out for a while. Like I know that letting one of the others take over for a while would probably help, or would at least be more healthy, but the emotional pain is so bad that all I want to do is curl up with it. When I go back, because I'm usually SO co-concious, I don't always feel like I can fully experience or express my emotions . . . And even though it's hurt and sadness I'm feeling, I still have this NEED to experience and be immersed in it. It doesn't matter that it hurts, because at least it's real. Sometimes being so close to others when they're front makes me feel like my emotions are transitory or fake, and I can't stand that. January's trying to work with me on it, but it's not easy for me to let go in a situation like that.

Sorry I really don't have any advice, only my perspective. All the same, I hope that helps.
~Jem

[unknown-tales.livejournal.com]

This is nearly exactly what happens in our situation. It isn't always a conscious choice here, either, though at times it can be.

Sometimes being so close to others when they're front makes me feel like my emotions are transitory or fake, and I can't stand that.

I had not ever considered it from the perspective. I know how easily emotions can effect others, but had not thought about this aspect of it. Thank you very much for replying.

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

This is very interesting... You are one of only two other households we've met who described this setup so clearly. Usually, people talk about it in terms of 'making someone else take the pain,' which we can't do-- whoever's out front during a very stressful situation gets locked out there so they have to take all of it, and often has great difficulty communicating with the others. We haven't quite figured out a solution to this, although interestingly, it seems to help if the frontrunner keeps reminding themselves that the others are real and haven't ceased to exist-- whoever's out front can, during such times, often get to worrying about whether they 'just made it all up.'

[unknown-tales.livejournal.com]

We've never been very sure why it happens. The first few times it occurred, the same person was locked out front, and so we began to think it was something that only happened with them. Other situations with other people have proved otherwise, and left us even more confused. We can't seem to help share the pain either, and sometime it is a conscious choice of the person front to take the pain to keep the others from feeling it. Other times it is completely unconscious. And the worry about making it all up is very great, as well, because of the emotions involved and the sudden silence from the others.

[shatterstorm.livejournal.com]

Huh. That's fascinating. Makes it sound more like a operating-system thing than a person thing...

We've seen where other groups talk about certain people reliably getting pushed to the front in specific situations. We thought we might be a bit odd since we usually shift to crowded co-presence when we're under external stress. Communication is extremely good between us then.

We've had the occasional lockout, but they've always been the other way - people who are typically active suddenly refusing to front or communicate with the rest of us.

[shandra.livejournal.com]

We've done that. I think the discharging the emotions in advance is the better way, but I also have some loony ideas about what else goes on when that happens.

For shorter periods of time that are highly emotional, I personally believe that adrenaline (fight-or-flight response) actually causes a communication breakdown. We are trauma survivors so the studies that show how adrenaline impacts on trauma survivors supports the idea that there may be alterations in brain chemistry. I don't know if I completely believe that our brain is cutting us off from each other, but it kind of *feels* that way, like it's hard to muddle through the channels that are usually open.

In us, too, after strong emotions we usually experience a drop in blood sugar, which also contributes to the fuzzy feeling.

And usually if someone is that upset/cut off from everyone, they don't then exercise or eat right. So my theory is that the bad-emotion chemicals basically float around our body and interfere with us.

It feels like a kind of lock in the body, that makes the 'door' to the front harder to open.

So for us, things like exercise or yoga are one of the ways to at least get to where our body & brain chemistry isn't contributing anymore, along with being sure to eat good healthy sources of protein and things like nuts and whole grains and cut out anything highly sugared.

Obviously that has to be whoever is at the front doing it, so we had to agree on doing those things /especially/ in times of stress, and even in times of denial. The first step is usually as simple as going for a walk or even taking some deliberate deep breaths.

Eventually we found that exercising regularly and not totally ODing on highly refined foods helped to prevent the whole thing in the first place, along with the kind of stuff you're saying.

YMMV of course, 'cause none of this is really scientific despite the pseudoscience. :)

[pengke.livejournal.com]

Well, a lot of people report that drugs affect system communication and adrenaline and like substances are really just drugs produced by your body.