Depression

[hearthstone-ds.livejournal.com]

I am not sure what to do about this depression that the system has slipped into. It is making it difficult to go to work or to even try to find a new job which is something that really must happen since most of the depression has to do with the job. And so far all we have managed to do is block ourselves from moving forward. We defeat ourselves whenever we can and do not know how to stop doing that. We are tired of living the way that we do, but do not know how to make it different, or are scared to try or something. And we just want to be able to have a roof over out head a nd a place for the dog and the cats. But we can't even take care of ourselves much less anyone else. All these people around us they think we are so strong because of the things we have done. And to us it means nothing. Not when even getting a big degree doesn't let us get paid for our work. We still have to try and figure out how to live for at least 2 more years before we can get paid decent money, enough to live off of. That is just not right. We hate this society that values nothing. ANd she hates that we sound like such a victim. She says we are not a victim and we can do this. Its too cold to sleep int he car, I dont care if it is california. its cold at night.

My heart is hurting so bad it feels like it is going to break.

And at this point I can't even cry. Some professional I am. Im a wreck.

doesn't matter who i am all that matters is i am with them.