(no subject)

[pengke.livejournal.com]

Are there still moderators for this community?

I know they don't like getting involved in things but they're the only people who can ban a member and that's clearly the only way to get peace_joy_love to leave us alone.

intro

[barbedvelvet.livejournal.com]

I guess I figured I should introduce myself. I have been on this list a few times before and I don't ever remember saying anything except for a comment here and there. My name is Kendall, and I used to be a multiple. I guess I still haven't figured out a lot of things about my previous multiplicity. I think a lot of it is that I integrated because someone important to me at the time didn't like my multiplicity. It was too "confusing" or something. I guess on one hand it's understandable. For a while I only had 2 members in my system, one of them being me and the other a dragon named Ffraga. She wasn't the easiest entity to get along with at first, and I didn't tell many people about her for obvious reasons (what do you mean you hear the voice of a dragon in your head?)

I have actually integrated multiple times, but the first time was most traumatic. I had another member of the system show up in school one day and it scared me and some of my friends pretty badly. One of them had already expressed a semi-disgust about the whole thing. I panicked and integrated that night. I ended up splitting multiple times in a pretty chaotic chain of events over the next few months. I have almost no recollection of that time... When I broke up with my boyfriend a few months after my last integration he told me all sorts of things about how I needed help, etc. I eventually convinced myself that he was right, and that was incredibly sad for me. I don't think I was ready to integrate at the time I did, and part of me still feels like I killed parts of myself, although I know that's probably ridiculous. There are still times that I grieve about the whole thing, even though it was a few years ago.

Anyway, I guess that's one of the reasons I'm here. I know I'm not crazy, and that I wasn't crazy then... And it's nice to at least be able to hear from people who know what I'm talking about, nice to know I wasn't alone and that other people don't think I'm crazy either. It has been nice getting to read more up-to-date info on multiplicity. At the time I thought multiplicity came from DID, so my multiplicity at the time made no sense (insofar as the whole dragon thing and some other random aspects that don't fit neatly into the DID mental disorder categrory).

At any rate, I just wanted to introduce myself (for once) and let you know why I'm here and so you know I am not currently a multiple. I'm sorry if anything sounded melodramatic, because I didn't mean for it to sound that way.