Faded....

[iamshadow.livejournal.com]

It's happened again, though I've been trying to deny it, yesterday I accepted the inevitable. That my others were gone. Whether 'integrated', left or just dispersed, I have no idea.

If it wasn't for it happening before, five years ago, before I knew anything about multiplicity, I'd be convinced I had made them up, fantasised and so they were. When it happened before, when they faded I thought I must have been 'making it up' somehow, imagining too much and wishing it real. This time has confirmed it to me that what happened before was no fantasy.

Why they were with me, it was in every way real. I could feel them there, converse, argue, co-front. The last time was the same, in someways, it was more intense. But as with last time, I saw/felt them less and less, their 'thoughts' more mixed up with my own, less discernable as 'theirs alone' until the silence was unable to be denied.

I still feel like a 'we' at times more than an 'I'. But the individual voices are quiet. I am flying solo yet again. And it makes me wonder if any of them will ever stay for longer than a few months, if I am destined to be only a some-time system.