Pain

[perse.livejournal.com]

sometimes i see myself
out of the corner of my eye
curled up in a small ball
in a corner, any corner
in a bathroom stall
under the reception desk
under my own desk
in the back of my closet
somewhere small and safe
looking out at nothing
eyes glassed over
nothing penetrating
arms wrapped round my knees

i always walk by
my life can't stop like that
there are deadlines to meet
bills to pay, mouths to feed
people depend on me
largely, they can't see
this part of me
finds the world far too big
far too scary

far too...

too...

far...

so i walk by
and she doesn't register
my passing, doesn't register
and i half-smile


there are horrible things
that happen in the world
everyday

most people call them life

life, is in the details

i can't contain them all
can't even contain all the feelings
they break me, these details
again and again
push me down further and further
smaller and smaller

one day i'll just disappear

then who'll pick up the pieces?