Pain

[perse.livejournal.com]

sometimes i see myself
out of the corner of my eye
curled up in a small ball
in a corner, any corner
in a bathroom stall
under the reception desk
under my own desk
in the back of my closet
somewhere small and safe
looking out at nothing
eyes glassed over
nothing penetrating
arms wrapped round my knees

i always walk by
my life can't stop like that
there are deadlines to meet
bills to pay, mouths to feed
people depend on me
largely, they can't see
this part of me
finds the world far too big
far too scary

far too...

too...

far...

so i walk by
and she doesn't register
my passing, doesn't register
and i half-smile


there are horrible things
that happen in the world
everyday

most people call them life

life, is in the details

i can't contain them all
can't even contain all the feelings
they break me, these details
again and again
push me down further and further
smaller and smaller

one day i'll just disappear

then who'll pick up the pieces?

Comments

pain

[firesweeper.livejournal.com]

been there. understand.
once when i went food shopping, i bought my ragged one a multicolored bright lollipop.
it was a long long time before she had the energy to notice it. even longer for her to realize she could touch it without being punished or yelled at.

dxed mpd about 15 yrs ago.

((((gentle hugs if you want them)))))))

firesweeper

Re: pain

[perse.livejournal.com]

Dear Firesweeper,

Welcome to LJ. i've added you to my friends list and if you look at my journal you'll see that there's a lot more you can read now.

:)

Thanks for responding to my poem

perse

Re: pain

[firesweeper.livejournal.com]

welcome.
I don't have much in my journal as we have just started it and are still wary of
revealing ourselves.
thankyou for sharing yourselves with us
by letting us read your journal.
May we added your name to our friends list also?
firesweeper

Re: pain

[perse.livejournal.com]

Of course. We would be honored.

gentle hugs (if)

Jax