More curiosity.

[laurenthemself]

I was talking to kangetsuhime in the comments of my previous post, and wandered off the topic of the movie and onto the topic of... well, the other reason I'm here. In short, I am questioning my own possible plural nature, and would welcome comments.



I've copied this straight out of the comments I left for kangetsuhime to make it easier on myself, but if anything needs clarification I'm more than happy to answer your questions in order to help me understand more about myself.

Personally, I don't exactly see myself as a 'singlet' (not least because here in Australia it's also an item of clothing!). In the past I have definitely had times when I was not in control of my own body, and these times may have meant that another person inside me was in control.

I am aware of other people here with me. Not as fully developed as a lot, indeed, probably the majority, of multiple systems. I refer to them as my 'muses' rather than as separate people.

They do:
* speak to me inside my own head
* have distinct personalities
* have distinct things they prefer me to be doing
* have names (and there are nine of them)
* fight with each other and with me, which can cause problems in my interacting with others outside of the body
* interact with each other beyond fighting (we have an inner world)
* have a small measure of inner mental control over what I do, but usually just tiny stuff like picking clothes (I've changed outfits a few times some mornings because we can't get a consensus)
* have a history with me -- for example I've known Jade was there since 1998, and the most recent arrival, Liam, has been around since 2001

They do not:
* physically 'front' (except for once or twice a long time ago and even then I'm not positive what was happening)
* talk aloud to other people (except for once that scared the hell out of me, as well as the person I was talking to)

I also occasionally refer to myself in plural terms without consciously choosing to do so.

I don't feel like a 'host' per se. More like a person with some friends who aren't physically real outside of my body (we do have an inner world where they have physical representations -- and a castle!). I think 'alters' is inaccurate because if you're talking to me, you're talking to me. They might be behind my eyes and listening, but they won't be the ones making the responses (although they will sometimes make some suggestion to me as to what to say).



I'm basically looking for people's opinions as to where I fit on the continuum of pure 'singlet' (feels funny using that word because it means a piece of clothing in Australia) to 'plural'. I'd appreciate any and all comments, questions, corrections of terminology, etc.

Comments

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

You (and your people, if any) are the only one(s) who can decide what to call yourselves. You may decide not to use any of the standard labels or terminology. We wouldn't use it ourselves if we didn't have to.

[laurenthemself]

I was mostly wondering whether other people thought I was, say, mid-continuum, as kangetsuhime suggested.

(I loved/laughed at the Session 9 review that you directed me to on the other post, thank you for that.)

[tigrin.livejournal.com]

I agree with ksol1460... no one here can officially diagnose you... plurality is very much an inner thing, and something inevitably you're gonna have to decide on...

muses are something relatively common, a lot of writers, actors, and artists especially report having them... I don't exactly see time/history as a qualifier. I think you can have others (only term I really use) that have been in your awareness for years, and others that have been around a month, and they can have the same amount of influence. and anyone outside your body can have at least minor mental control over what you do, how you act, how you dress, etc.

but again.. it's really more your evaluation. I don't know you so I can't just rate your experience for you. if you feel more comfortable and if things make more sense if you consider yourself plural, then by all means...

[laurenthemself]

All very true. Thank you!

[0semya0.livejournal.com]

I can see why you're asking others opinions, but really when it comes down to it you're the only one who can decide what labels to use for yourself.

As for referring to yourself in plural terms without consciously choosing to do so, I don't think that really has anything to do with being plural. I think it's just one of those things some people do. Like hearing voices as you drift off to sleep. It can seem like an indication of multiplicity, but really it's just one of those wacky things some people experience.

Personally, I don't exactly see myself as a 'singlet'
There you go, you've got your answer. Honestly, if you don't see yourself as a 'singlet' then don't identify yourself as one. Really you don't have to identify yourself as anything, but what it comes down to is how you feel about yourself and how you feel about terms. If you don't feel right calling yourself single, then don't.

From what you've described above I'd say it sounds like you could either be plural or simply be creative/imaginative. Really they can look the same to an outsider with only so much information. Or perhaps what you are experiencing could be closer to soulbonding. Have you researched anything on soulbonds or muses?

[laurenthemself]

I know I'm the only one who can choose to label myself, I'm just interested in what other people think, and I thank you for your comment.

Re: soulbonding, yes I have done a fair bit of reading about that as well, and maybe I should've mentioned that in the post.

I think it's pretty clear that I'm not a singlet. Oh, good. Now I have to figure out how to explain this to everyone else I know. ^_^

[0semya0.livejournal.com]

Why do you have to explain to everyone you know? Not like it really changes anything.

What'd you think of the soulbonding stuff you read? You should check out the soulbonding communities here, maybe post this entry over there and ask their opinions as well?

[laurenthemself]

I don't have to explain to everyone, but there are some people I would like to explain it to, mainly because I do refer to my muses from time to time and 'muses' just doesn't seem to be cutting it as an explanation on its own.

When I started reading stuff, it was all the multiplicity/plurality stuff, because that was all I knew to look for (being a psych student, I was aware of the existence of the states of being that the DSM labels as DID or MPD, but I didn't feel like I was disordered; merely as if there were a few people doing the organising). I found out about soulbonding here and when I went to that comm, it seemed much more like what I was experiencing. After all, my very first muse, Jade, used to be just a character in a story I was writing years ago... but by the time I'd finished the story she'd come alive in my head. Same for Kyla, a few years after that.

On the other hand, I've had at least one of them appear specifically after something bad started happening to me, and she (it was Miranda) helped me to deal with what was happening by turning it into a fictional story with elements of reality. And all of them have contributed to my writing at some point, some more than others, but all of them have, which is why I tend to use the descriptor 'muses'.

'Scuse my tangent. In short, I think you're right about the soulbonding and I'll go lurk at soulbonding for a little while and then post when I see what other people there are like.