Betrayal Within or Helping Friends?

[random-element.livejournal.com]

I feel so utterly betrayed by my system right now. Not all of them, one in particular. The one I've felt ultimate affinity for. See, back in November there was a time when I thought I might be pregnent. I missed my period by three weeks and then ended up sick and with further complications. I always assumed a miscarriage, which upset me. Come to find out yesterday night that one of them (Pyrena) took some kind of herb mixture (she's wiccan) to force a miscarriage.


How should I feel about this? She never asked anyone in the system, and she nearly poisoned us! It's not that it didn't work out in the long run, but it's the point that I did miscarriage and yeah...


I feel lost...

Comments

[kangetsuhime.livejournal.com]

Very annoyed. That is NOT decision that any one system member has the right to make. If there is a main front runner, then their opinion holds more weight, but they could at least have the decency to tell people.

IMO, making it clear that you are NOT happy andx that if she pulls anything like that again there will be consequences. I would not expect to get away with something like that. She should handle punishment for her actions.

[sexylittleone.livejournal.com]

Punishment? Rather draconian don't you think? Granted perhaps what this person did was not for the best and who knows what kind of communication (or lack thereof) they possess.

I'm not sure how I'd feel if one of my House mates did such a thing really. I can say I wouldn't advocate punishment but I would talk to them very likely to find out what their motivation was & figure out how to communicate better in future.

Elle

[kangetsuhime.livejournal.com]

I worded badly. I meant that the punishment should really be tagged onto the 'if she does it again' condition. This time around, a nice loud 'telling off' (heh) would probably be enough.

After that, she has no excuse, and should be willing to face up to any punishment the system does or does not desire to inflict on her within reason.

[sexylittleone.livejournal.com]

understood. Ty for the reply that does clarify your thoughts.

Elle

[kasiya-system.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry! :(

We're here if you would like to talk.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

How should you feel? There's no "should" in feelings. Your feelings are your own and they are valid for you. Honour them.

just because it bears repeating

[shatterstorm.livejournal.com]

Your feelings are your own and they are valid for you. Honour them.

[dark-blade.livejournal.com]

OMG... that's so .. gods.

If you're pissed, I'd certainly say you've got a right to be. WTF?

[tempusfrangit.livejournal.com]

Oh my GOD.. that's worse than one of the Others taking the kid of another Other not too long ago. :( I'm sorry.

[tir-nan-og.livejournal.com]

I am so sorry. What she did was just not okay, to put it mildly. We've been pretty dysfunctional in the past, but even we know that pregnancy is something that involves the entire group, so everyone should be consulted.

I'd get everyone together to have a little talk with her. Kicking her out of the entire system, perhaps? No front time if anyone has anything to do with it?

[shandra.livejournal.com]

That's really hard. I feel for all of you - those whose choice was removed and also Pyrena, that she felt such a drastic step was necessary. I hope you take time to grieve the loss, and then to work together to discuss how to either avoid or deal with pregnancies, as a group.

[shandra.livejournal.com]

And P.S., - as the veteran of several miscarriages, one birth-with-cord-accident and death of our daughter, and now at 18 wks of our latest pregnancy (so, pretty up on fertility issues) the herbs may not have been the cause. That doesn't mean they weren't, either, but just remember that possibility exists as well.

And P.P.S. I understand why people are upset with Pyrena, but I myself would want to know her motivation before condemning her.

[shatterstorm.livejournal.com]

*safe hugs*

Work thru what you're feeling. There's no "should" here. grief, fear, relief, rage... take your time. We've had an early miscarriage before - there's a lot of complicated emotions in that, even if you aren't at a point in life where you're ready to be a parent.

When you're ready, you need to talk with Pyrena. Understand what she was thinking when she chose that action. Odds are good she did it as a protective act. The only way we've found to prevent 'sneak' things like that is to insist on good communication between ourselves. That requires honoring every one's opinions and feelings - if someone is so desperate that they'll willing to take risks like that, better that you all work together to make it safer than force that one to act on their own without your help.