Was Suicidal Last Night (better now)

[salustra.livejournal.com]

One of the more comforting aspects to most of us in here is that it is nearly impossible to actually commit suicide. An overwhelming majority of us would have to be suicidal at once for a plan to get anywhere close to working.

Well it almost happened last night. We've been having several months of pretty much unending physical pain that keeps getting worse, and the doctors in county health won't help. We've been denied Medicaid, which might have gotten us to a decent doctor, because disability pays us $21 too much a month for our state's cutoff point.

It was just too much. After several hours of crying, we had a bottleful of pills ready to go, checking the internet for tips.

One of us managed to push front long enough to put away the bottle and physically force us, despite horrendous physical pain, up and out of the room. Into the living room, where Stacey was waiting, to watch some sweet and happy movies and talk and remind us why we don't want to die.

Still hurting today, but not as bad. After talking to Stacey she dug up a few painkillers she had stashed away for a rainy day. Enough to give us a little respite and the energy to fight on a while longer.

Comments

[chezames.livejournal.com]

Sorry you are hurting so badly. We are in a similar situation where life is hard ( we are disabled, too) and We just want it to stop. I find it odd that the state pays too much to give you state medical. I've never heard of this, as medicaid is for ppl on disability. What state do you live in? Do you get SSD or SSDI?

Have you tried free clinics or clinics that base things on a sliding scale? There are alweays University hospitals and such where they base what you pay on your income. Maybe you could see a doc who would understand your money situation and agree to just give an Rx and keep renewing it without you having to see him unless you feel you need to.

Hope you can find something.

[salustra.livejournal.com]

I go to county health, which is sliding scale. But the docs there say they don't give pain medication to people with arthritis. Apparently they don't think I'm hurting *enough* to need it.

[chezames.livejournal.com]

Well that just sux! I was gonna say "stinks," but it's not strong enough! So being bed-ridden by pain, screaming in agony, is not enough pain???? Lordy!

[tempusfrangit.livejournal.com]

Call Jewish or Catholic family services. More often than not they can help get meds very very cheap or free.

[salustra.livejournal.com]

It's not so much the cost of the meds as being able to see a doc who will actually care that I'm hurting. The docs at county health suck.

[tempusfrangit.livejournal.com]

Well, if Jewish or Catholic family services can help, sometimes they can help you find a nice doc who'll take payments or something.