Was Suicidal Last Night (better now)

[salustra.livejournal.com]

One of the more comforting aspects to most of us in here is that it is nearly impossible to actually commit suicide. An overwhelming majority of us would have to be suicidal at once for a plan to get anywhere close to working.

Well it almost happened last night. We've been having several months of pretty much unending physical pain that keeps getting worse, and the doctors in county health won't help. We've been denied Medicaid, which might have gotten us to a decent doctor, because disability pays us $21 too much a month for our state's cutoff point.

It was just too much. After several hours of crying, we had a bottleful of pills ready to go, checking the internet for tips.

One of us managed to push front long enough to put away the bottle and physically force us, despite horrendous physical pain, up and out of the room. Into the living room, where Stacey was waiting, to watch some sweet and happy movies and talk and remind us why we don't want to die.

Still hurting today, but not as bad. After talking to Stacey she dug up a few painkillers she had stashed away for a rainy day. Enough to give us a little respite and the energy to fight on a while longer.