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Feb. 23rd, 2005 12:23 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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multiplicity_archivesHello,
We're a borderline with "severe dissociative symptoms". It seems friendly here, and we feel alone. Everything hurts in us. We use alters to collect the parts of ourselves we feel are are unacceptable, and they are wraiths. One is anger, one wants us to sleep, one is malicious, she hates us. She doesn't like being looked at, she wants to be where nobody can find us. She's also really scared. Another part is an untempered love. These are not truly multiples, but sometimes they have voices that rise independently from our thoughts. We were bullied in school and we felt so isolated that we lost touch with our surroundings. The people around us saw me snap, and they are being really mean to us cuz they know I'm crazy and they won't stop and we have to live with it again and it hurts so much. We don't know how to relate to our childhood, we never guessed at the time we were in this much pain. When people hurt or try to provoke us we get defensive and hyper-sexual. This latter part of us is "bad"..she says "told you I was bad". We are also a bit in denial at times and so the reality of my illness is shared by we because I feel like a freak.
I know someone who has 3 or more, and they stay with him all the time. We like him, he is really smart, and we find some of his alters endearing or like playmates we wished we had when we were a kid. We also don't think he'll ever hurt us. I worry that he might find us patronizing at times (bad, ignorant Meg). We at first were really disturbed when his voice switched, but we got used to it. I really want to merge, so I can talked to the bad parts, so they will feel real and loved and so we can control them, and then maybe I won't have to feel so isolated.
We're a borderline with "severe dissociative symptoms". It seems friendly here, and we feel alone. Everything hurts in us. We use alters to collect the parts of ourselves we feel are are unacceptable, and they are wraiths. One is anger, one wants us to sleep, one is malicious, she hates us. She doesn't like being looked at, she wants to be where nobody can find us. She's also really scared. Another part is an untempered love. These are not truly multiples, but sometimes they have voices that rise independently from our thoughts. We were bullied in school and we felt so isolated that we lost touch with our surroundings. The people around us saw me snap, and they are being really mean to us cuz they know I'm crazy and they won't stop and we have to live with it again and it hurts so much. We don't know how to relate to our childhood, we never guessed at the time we were in this much pain. When people hurt or try to provoke us we get defensive and hyper-sexual. This latter part of us is "bad"..she says "told you I was bad". We are also a bit in denial at times and so the reality of my illness is shared by we because I feel like a freak.
I know someone who has 3 or more, and they stay with him all the time. We like him, he is really smart, and we find some of his alters endearing or like playmates we wished we had when we were a kid. We also don't think he'll ever hurt us. I worry that he might find us patronizing at times (bad, ignorant Meg). We at first were really disturbed when his voice switched, but we got used to it. I really want to merge, so I can talked to the bad parts, so they will feel real and loved and so we can control them, and then maybe I won't have to feel so isolated.
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Date: 2005-02-23 01:51 pm (UTC)Beyond that I am not sure what to say. I dissociate slightly at times, but nothing major. I wish you well.
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Date: 2005-02-23 05:11 pm (UTC)-Ciel
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Date: 2005-02-24 04:47 am (UTC)