Relationships

[sunshinegod.livejournal.com]

Is it actually possible to have a meaningful relationship when you've never dated, your Krew has a REALLY bad record with the opposite sex, you even get shot down on the internet, and you're a collective on top of it all? I honestly have no idea how to go about meeting someone, or what to do with her once I meet her. Like I said, I've never dated, and my Krew basically got into a couple of relationships and a couple of one-night stands without ever doing the "dating" thing.

Patrick Machine, Kaptin of the Zoo Krew.

Comments

[khlara.livejournal.com]

I think its possible. As hard as this is going to sound, just be yourselves. Whichever sex you may be looking for, treat them first and foremost as a friend and then grow from there. That's how we met our boyfriend. We started as friends, realized being more would be much better and then dated. And our dates are the cliched "dinner and a movie", but that's what we're happy with.
Hoped this helped, somehow.
~ Wendy
Collections Gang

[sunshinegod.livejournal.com]

I'm trying that with a friend my predecessor met in the nuthouse (long story), but she seems pretty much opposed to being involved with ANYONE. Her ex was a real piece of crud. I've dropped some hints that I'd like to get closer, and she basically said "not going to happen," and gave me this weird speech where she trusts me completely and everything.

And she's my most promising prospect.

you never know

[little-heather.livejournal.com]

My core met her gf/Mistress online. My core was very worried about how to tell this woman she had fallen so quickly for that she was multiple. she figured for sure the woman would just say oh your nuts and leave her and go find someone else. Well it finally came out one day by accident while they were talking online. But the way it came out was very odd. Another friend of theirs came online upset because her Dr had just told her that she had MPD. My cores gf was trying to back out of the conversation i think and my core could tell her gf was very nervous for some reason about the whole subject. Finally it came out that my cores gf was multiple. lol...needless to say my core was astonished at this news. So my core admitted that she too was multiple. Needless to say they had a lot to talk about hehe but it was something of a big relief in a way. i know this probably sounds like a crazy story but its true. They have been together online now for over a year and we are going to meet Her in a few months :) oh and now i have 2 Mommys instead of just one hehe. Just goes to show....you never know what can happen when it comes to love.

Re: you never know

[sunshinegod.livejournal.com]

Sounds kind of like what happened with my predecessor and the ex whose Krew killed him.

Re: you never know

[little-heather.livejournal.com]

umm i think you missed my point. i was trying to show you the romantic side of never knowing what can happen. Oh well.

Re: you never know

[sunshinegod.livejournal.com]

I meant that sounded like how they met.

[tempusfrangit.livejournal.com]

Love is a wonderously confuddling thing. My lovely hostess had poor relations with males and females and is now currently dating someone very very much in the middle of the two, which makes perfect sense to me.

My hostesses' "unicorn", as it was so elegantly put by a friend of the dear girl, knew of us early on, though I can't remember how we came up in conversation. Very accepting that one was, and still is.

Love is never going to be easy whether single-minded or those like my hostess and yourself. Keep that in mind and stop looking. The "unicorn" will find you, dear one.

/Anelle/

[sunshinegod.livejournal.com]

I hope so. We'll be 30 in a couple months. Hard to do the whole "family" thing if you wait so long you can't have kids anymore.

[tempusfrangit.livejournal.com]

wouldn't know, dude. the face doesn't want kids any way, any how. refuses to breed.

[sunshinegod.livejournal.com]

Ah.

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

Is it actually possible to have a meaningful relationship when you've never dated, your Krew has a REALLY bad record with the opposite sex, you even get shot down on the internet, and you're a collective on top of it all?

Well, I could tell you that we've had poor luck with dating both online and off, and are in a meaningful relationship now, but the specific details of why you have bad luck in relationships can have a lot to do with it. Do you know why you have a bad track record? What constitutes a meaningful relationship to you?

[sunshinegod.livejournal.com]

"Do you know why you have a bad track record?"

So many trust issues we're nearly incapable of asking anyone out.

"What constitutes a meaningful relationship to you?"

At this point, a serious LTR, preferably the "married with kids" kind.

[shandra.livejournal.com]

The only way to learn to date really, is to date. That means:

1) Going out of your way to meet a wide variety of people (one good way is to do what interests you/some of you - cooking classes, yoga, whatever). Not just to date-date but just to meet a lot of people and see what friends you can make.

2) Picking out some single ones you kind of like and inviting them out for short, lighthearted fun dates. Not "a relationship" - not (necessarily) sex - but just more one-on-one time. Don't pin everything on one person. Go slow. Have fun!!!

3) Eventually screwing up the courage to say you really like them and go from there, eventually sharing your multiplicity.

4) Yes, self-examination and being sure you're treating people (including yourselves) with respect - but not obsessive examination of every pimple in your past. If you haven't dated, you are a newbie - let yourself learn by being aware of things, but don't expect you have to get it all right. Geez! That's what high school is often about, but if you missed out on that you just have to plow through it. :)

I do agree that knowing what the specific issues were in the past will probably help you. But. You can change the present easily enough if you want. Be the date you'd like to have, that's always a start. :)

I recommend educating yourself as much as possible on just general dating stuff - read widely, chat with people. www.breakupgirl.net is hillarious to read and might make you feel not so alone.

The multiplicity is a factor in a relationship - y'all'll have to decide how you agree on dating a person, what you can and can't promise (monogamy or not, etc.)

But the confusion of dating is just a human thing. :) Good luck!

Shandra

[sunshinegod.livejournal.com]

I'll try, but I don't know how to start really.

[shandra.livejournal.com]

Well, what are some interests you have that potential partners might share? (Answer only if you want)

Also, you mentioned that you have trust issues in asking someone out. What are you afraid might happen if you asked someone out for, say, coffee?

Definately!

[chezames.livejournal.com]

Let's put it this way...both Cassie and Cristie had really bad relationships and neither really dated, just started relationships right off, plus Cassie has had a few one-night stands. I, Lynn, met my fiance online a little over a year ago. I told him the night I met him about "us."

So, the answer is "Yes, it is possible." I know it's cliche, but I met him right after We had decided "no more boyfriends!" We had stopped looking and there he was *LOL*

Re: Definately!

[sunshinegod.livejournal.com]

That's kind of how we met our ex. Her Krew was in the middle of a changearound because of something that happened, and my predecessor became her rebound. I think she still loves him, but some of her Krew had him killed out of a warped plan to keep them safe from being hurt again.

Re: Definately!

[mysticeden.livejournal.com]

That really sux about you ex... nothing can be done about that now but i think you can find someone. Just put yourself out there little by little and you'll find someone.