Question

[aliasalixx.livejournal.com]

When someone else is fronting, does it feel like you're just watching from inside your body, but you have no control of what it's doing? It happened to me a few times yesterday, like my body went on "auto-pilot" and all I was doing was watching. I couldn't "sense" anyone else being in charge tho, so it's weird... I'm just trying to sort out what's happening!

Comments

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

http://www.livejournal.com/community/multiplicity/181516.html#cutid1

"auto pilot" is exactly how i decribed a very similar feeling a couple of weeks ago :)
xx

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

edit : how i've since described that event, i mean - i thought i'd mentioned that in the post. I meant the same sort of thing anyway :)
xx

[aliasalixx.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Glad to know I'm not the only one confused. I'm still new to all this. Well, new to having a name for it anyways

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

Beleive me, its been a frightening time since the system began to evolve this way. But it seems to have settled down for a while, at least :)
xx

[aliasalixx.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear it will settle down eventually.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

"When someone else is fronting, does it feel like you're just watching from inside your body, but you have no control of what it's doing?"

Yes, if I have only stepped back a little and am still pretty close to the front. I can offer suggestions though.

The autopilot thing is something else -- nobody in charge, just automatic processes running. We put some of those in place deliberately, to make sure things get done no matter who's around. That's part of what the common memory pool is for.

[aliasalixx.livejournal.com]

Thanks. What scares me is that one of these times I was driving. Eek. Luckily I realized that time what had happened and I was able to regain control.

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Aack! Well, we have one for driving, but I hear you! @.@

[shatterstorm.livejournal.com]

Yep. Sometimes we can converse, sometimes we're just along for the ride. Our protective selves will often ride along when there's someone else in front.

There's a caretaker in our system who deals with menial tasks and another with 'waiting' who are usually running the show. The one who waits has sometimes had us thinking no one was there. The caretaker is sometimes busy and won't bother talking with the rest of us, same effect.

We have some rules about who driving cars and such - if you're building decent communication, think about doing the same. Safety's important.

[aliasalixx.livejournal.com]

Hell, I'm still working on building communication period! I'm not even sure who's in here with me yet.

But yeah it was a bit worrisome, I'm driving, then a couple of minutes later I'm watching and wondering "who's driving?"

[shatterstorm.livejournal.com]

lol, we'll be working on communication forever! Sometimes the membership changes. New selves can appear, old ones may decide to merge with another or disappear altogether.

One of our basic rules is "Kids don't drive." The kids are willing to respect this, partly because of an almost-accident one caused (there were tempting cookies in the lunchbag on the passenger seat, and well...) and partly because when they really want to go somewhere the rest of us are willing to talk it over. Sometimes we take a day and go to the zoo or make a stop at the toystore when we're out shopping.

As far as sensing someone in charge, you can always ask "Who's this driving?"... you might even get an answer ;)

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

*grins* Our four-year-old drives better than I do!

We have to watch out for Andy though. He loves high speeds.

[qilora.livejournal.com]

in our case it only seems to happen (to a degree that we notice) if we are feeling too sleepy and/or if our sugar is too low... otherwise we never really seem to have that happen...

Ulla & Co.

[aliasalixx.livejournal.com]

As far as I know, neither of those apply, but I'll keep an eye out for that, thanks.

[chainsaw-hime.livejournal.com]

Happens to us quite often.

I remember when the one who would eventually become Alpha was still developing, that's how things felt for her 24/7. She could watch as events played out, but Logic was in charge the entire time. It took her a long time (nearly 3 years!) to develop to the point where she could actually be the main front. Since Alpha/Beta's demise, however, primary fronts seem to develop much faster (when I came into being, it took me only a few days of "watching" before I could take the reins.

[ex-senza6.livejournal.com]

does it feel like you're just watching from inside your body, but you have no control of what it's doing?

Yes, pretty much. Like just riding along as a passenger.

[thesaturnsystem.livejournal.com]

One of us, Hotaru, actually serves as our autopilot. That's her job. And that is what it's like when she (or anyone, really) is upfront.

<.Daz.>

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it feels like that. I'm the "autopilot", the designated default driver - Crist-Erui's stronger, but not responsible enough to handle a lot of things. He likes to "flicker in" for a few seconds or minutes at a time, but he usually tries to do it gently enough that he doesn't disrupt whatever I'm doing. It's hard to say what that feels like... kind of, not that I'm moving back, or he's pushing forward, but that we're simultaneously present in corporeality.

It's sort of a delicate balance, and can't be maintained for more than a very brief time - if he stays, he automatically takes control, which sometimes is not what he wants, so he'll hand it back to me fast, like a hot potato. This is both awkward and pretty funny at times - my kid says she can tell when he does it because he gets "that deer-in-the-headlights look".

Kír rides as a "passenger" most of the time - used to be all the time, but in recent years he's become able to assume corporeal form and strong enough to hold it for a while. He never regarded this body as "his body", though - that's been a big issue for him all along. He first began taking form just seven years ago, and it was because I was in a state of despair so deep I couldn't function - Crist-Erui's idea of "functioning" was to spend all his time out roaming the wetlands in the Winter rain - Kír 'took charge' as best he could, because he figured someone had to.

He'd done the same thing once many, many years ago, but only for a few moments in an emergency, and he hadn't ever intended to do it again, but... circumstances required it. How it felt to me was actually an incredible relief; I basically 'passed out' for a week and a half, except for brief intervals of waking because there were things neither of my brothers could handle. After that, things got better for us, and in this past year, Kír's been finding that taking corporeal form, "fronting", can actually be nice, not just a grim and painful duty he takes on because his feckless Kin are likely to die if he doesn't.

There's never been a time of "no one driving" that I can recall, but as I say, I seem to be the "autopilot".

[jynxdemon.livejournal.com]

I've definately gotten that feeling.... sometimes I remember it, sometimes I don't, sometimes only one sense.... like I know what I saw but nothing else, what I was litening to but all of my other senses are gone...

[ricktboy.livejournal.com]

I remember getting feelings like that ages ago, sometimes still, but it's more like all of a sudden my eyes and glasses become this big monitor through which I am viewing the world....Like someone else is there, and I'm the one giving commands, but not really in control of carrying out said commands...It's actually happening to me now, It's like i'm thinking of the words, and watching them come up on the monitor, but someone else is making the hands type.

[beyli.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Happens a lot. I'm the driver though since I don't get as scared as the rest.

[aliasalixx.livejournal.com]

Thanks everyone for your input. As usual, this group has given me LOTS to think about. :)

Now let's just see if we can figure out who's in here exactly.

[gia1977.livejournal.com]

Yep it does. It sucks. Makes you feel disoriented and when stuff is said or done that "you" didn't do, but the someone else did...
you feel like you gotta apologize for what the other one did or said.

[whatitslike.livejournal.com]

probably about 95% of the time when I feel like I'm on auto-pilot & just watching it's someone else fronting. the other 5% of the time I'm really tired, have a fever, am bored, spacey, etc etc and it's all just me.

since i didn't know i was multiple for 25+ years, it took a long time before i realised that the auto-pilot feeling was because someone else was out, especially since i didn't lose time in the traditional way.

i *think* that the more i'm able to really be in the body when i'm out, the more that i can tell the difference. but it's a slippery thing. especially because even when i'm not out i get all sorts of physicaly sensations etc etc just with a slight time-delay -- and of course i thought until a few years ago that everyone spent a lot of the time time-delayed!

[sunshinegod.livejournal.com]

Yes. Luckily, as Kaptin I rarely have to tolerate that.