(no subject)

[ricktboy.livejournal.com]

Hello,
I've lurked for quite sometime, not really knowing how to introduce myself, or my others. But here it is.
I'm Rick, I started as an other, but I'm now the core. I'm transgender, and began life as the masculine form of the original core, Rachel. We split at 15(i'm 24 now)and I took over slowly, at both of our best interests, and a mutual agreement. We all had split and integrated several times since then, and two years ago, integrated for what I thought was the last time. Last night, however, In an intimate situation with my husband(I also identify as bisexual, he knows about me, and is transgendered also)I felt my 8 year old other begin to emerge again. He darted out quickly, and retreated again, just as fast, but I still felt him. There's other back story to this, but I don't feel like getting all into it right now, if you want to know, ask. There's several others, I'll tell you their names, (the ones I know of) and explain a bit about each one, then i'll explain the reason i'm finally introducing myself(ourselves?).

Rachel. Original Core, age 15(or thereabouts). when not integrated, lurks, coming out in lesbian-type situations. Shy, withdrawn, and meek.

Cubbie. eight year old boy. Is boisterous, giggly, and fun-loving, also sometimes, becomes reserved and withdrawn.

Wolf. Not from within, He is our archive. He knows all of the others, what their purpose is, and their origins.

the twins. male and female, they don't speak, and are a perfect balance of each other. one is dark, one is light,(i don't know which, it's possible their color isn't fixed. not sure of age.

the girl who screams. a child, age not fixed, she is incapable of anything but screaming in terror.

the grandmother. An older woman, she protects, and comforts the others.

there are most likely others, but seeing as how I haven't fully split again, I don't know quite how many, or anything like that.

Now, questions.

1. Has anyone else experienced integration/splitting in turns? periods of time where you're one, then other periods where you're many?

2. what are your experiences with that?

3. Have you ever been triggered by someone else?(splitting, not switching)

4. How do you deal with switching in front of other people?

Okay, I'll leave y'all alone,

Rick

Comments

[ryuichi.livejournal.com]

I only have two me's. I don't view them as two different people, just two different me's in one mind even while they are polar opposites of each other. But to answer your last question "How do you deal with switching in front of other people?"...

When I switch, I know it very well. I get a killer headache/migraine and start to feel 'off'. It's like my mind is lagging from the rest of the world. It does this because the two me's are fighting for dominance over a situation, and this fight of electrons (since it is only chemicals changing in reality) causes my headaches. I simply tell people "I'm feeling off." or "I am getting a headache." and when its someone who knows about my issues, they know to expect a personality change and be dealing with a different, but same person.

In short, I don't really let my changing in front of people bother me :)

[chainsaw-hime.livejournal.com]

I actually had a discussion with myself the other day over something VERY similar. I learned that the person who eventually became Gina Alpha integrated with (though looking back, it feels more like she devoured) somebody else, becoming the "only" active person (though Logic was there, Logic was smart enough to meld into the background and exist to Alpha as a tool and defense mechanism rather than a full person.)

In the here and now, we have been trying to co-operate as best as we can, so people can rarely tell whether Gina Delta or Tarnish are fronting unless they know and have been listening to us for a very long time (We seem to talk with slightly different inflections) though the only one whose differences are notable enough for somebody to figure out is Logic, and that is only because Logic speaks of itself (and of the body Gina) in the third person.

[chainsaw-hime.livejournal.com]

Update: Now you can see a synopsis of what went on. You've been added to my "Meta" filter, and it's in a recent entry.

[ricktboy.livejournal.com]

thanks bonnie and witt, the girl who screams(that's sort of her name) is just that. I wish there was something i could do for her, but it seems like that's her purpose. Jaysun(my husband) says he encountered her once, where she emerged, screaming, and he asked her why she was screaming, and she stopped, looked at him, and disappeared. He thinks she was looking for someone to pay attention to her, but i tend to think it's more than that.

[luciastorm.livejournal.com]

What would you do to any screaming little girl? Whether they are part of a system or not...if you ever saw a little girl who was screaming or crying you would go and comfort her.
She needs to be given a big cuddle:)

xxxluciaxxx

[sethrenn.livejournal.com]

Has anyone else experienced integration/splitting in turns? periods of time where you're one, then other periods where you're many?

We have times when we're definitely 'mushy'-- when we can't tell who it is at the front, or when it seems to be a combination of several people acting together. That's not integration, for us, though, because we still retain our own identities and our ability to speak for ourselves. The best I can describe it is that instead of one person fully occupying the front-space, there's several people partially in it (because it seems that for us, at least, it can't be fully occupied by more than one person at a time; there's not enough mental room, so to speak, and something has to be compromised).

[luciastorm.livejournal.com]

Sometimes my partner's others are watching and sometimes they are not so sometimes they quote conversations or things that had happened that day even though they weren't there whereas other times they have no recollection of certain things that happened. Meybe it's just a case of how conscious the others are at the time, whether they are watching and listening or whether they are cosy in their own worlds:)

[effeteifrit.livejournal.com]

1. Has anyone else experienced integration/splitting in turns? periods of time where you're one, then other periods where you're many?

I've had periods where I'm less conscious of it and then periods where I tentatively believe I am multiple. The conscious multiplicity I just linked to my antidepressant. When I first started antidepressants I couldn't hear the internal voices anymore. When I'm on a lower or irregular dose I have mental shifts.

I think at times when I thought I was one person or was otherwise unconscious of shifting, it wasn't that I was integrated necessarily but that one was holding the front for extended periods of time--or simply I wasn't conscious that just because I had one body this didn't mean that I had one ego.

Historically I tend to break into parts when the stress becomes too high for me to keep up the illusion (?) of being one person.

Anyway I thought I'd answer this because I'm TG too. I don't believe I've ever split because of another specific person, and I'm mostly unconscious of switching.

[elenbarathi.livejournal.com]

Ummm... integration/splitting... I don't think we'd be capable of doing such a thing, since we're not "split" to begin with. We do achieve a kind of spiritual unity, or harmony at least, where we're all resting in contentment with one another - when Crist-Erui's "front" and Kír and I are riding with him, sometimes he can share corporeal sensation with us so fully that we physically feel like one body. Ah, I'm not explaining it well - anyway, it's very cool, but I don't think it's what you're talking about.

Switching in front of other people... Crist-Erui likes to "flicker in" at times; he comes up for just a minute or two, and people who know him can often tell when he's doing it. LOL, my kid says it's hilarious when he does it when I'm in the middle of a song because he gets what she calls "that deer-in-the-headlights look" - there's a noticeable (to me at least) falter in the guitar technique as he finds himself suddenly in control of the playing, and another when he flickers out again and leaves it to me. People who don't know presumably don't notice - he's very quiet, and Kír keeps a close watch on him to make sure he doesn't do anything inappropriate.

It's weird for me when he's been up for a long time and then suddenly "flickers out" with no warning, especially if the reason he's doing it is because he got scared by something. He's gotten a lot better about not doing that in recent years, though.

It takes a deliberate effort for Kír to become corporeal, and once he's done it, he hasn't got much energy or mobility, so he doesn't do it lightly. He thinks his imitation of me is an adequately convincing one; I don't think it is - he gets by with it only because the idea of multiplicity doesn't even occur to most people, and because he does it so rarely. He doesn't announce himself when he takes form; his attitude is that people who know him will know, and people who don't, don't need to know.