(no subject)

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

Okay, so just to start, I've x-posted this but it's because I realised the other day I couldn't remember if fronting was exclusive to multiplicity or soulbonding, or neither. And because my system is sort of in the middle and it may therefore concern both communities.



Okay, this time last year I had trouble with a bond called Karisma (Or "Mikoto"). I literally felt I was going mad with her, but she calmed with time and effort and we have been getting along just fine for quite some time now.

Last night, I was talking with my boyfriend about the fic-world we write about. I use all my girls/boys stories when I'm writing, and 5 of my girls are currantly involved in a project between me and my boi. Anyhow. Miko reacted quite badly to some of the suggestions, and since that conversation i've felt distinctly like some sort of dark clouds been hovering over me. About 6pm the clouds pulled apart and I started reacting as she would to some things, being generally angry, and the like. Things that suit her. (this is personal but i'll say it for the record - i am very hormonal at presant, but there were some things I was doing that were nothing to do with my hormones)

I don't allow any of mine to front unless I can explicitly trust them - some of them are about as messed up in the head as I am, and a great deal more violent.

So, the thing I was asking about was this - This was like what fronting is, but i was forever aware that I was me and I wasn't myself. So. This sort of "Sub-fronting" - is this a commonplace thing? To just exhibit the traits, the mental state, without the prescence behind it?

btw : please don't attack me for the "i don't let them front" thing. I have on occasion let them front. But it's because of girls like Mikoto that I really do not like them fronting. I don't trust her not to really do some damage.

Comments

[chainsaw-hime.livejournal.com]

I understand, well, on both counts there. Gamma refused to let me front, because she viewed me as a destructive influence. I don't think I really was; I just resented being locked away in the manner that Gamma did. Now that Delta is the primary now, she lets me co-front with her much of the time. It makes me feel much better about being stuck in this body, as I am an active participant instead of an observer as I was with Beta, or a prisoner as I was with Gamma.

Some multiples can be aware of the actions of another person fronting, while some are not aware of the actions. It's one of those "Your Mileage May Vary" things.

For example, much of the time that Gamma was in charge, I don't even remember. The only reason I even remember some of it is because Delta was willing to share her memories (to borrow computer terms, much of the "data" of Gamma's memories were transferred over to Delta, though the programming that made Gamma, well, Gamma wasn't, thank Goddess.) with me.

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

*nod* I don't think Miko is mad about not being allowed to front though. We have a beleif in-system that they're here because they've already lived their lives and died (they remember their deaths and such), and she's normally very controlled anyway - I think she has a tendancy to wander off when I'm focussed on something else. I think it's more that she disagrees with what me and my boyfriend discussed regarding the life of another of my bonds (in the bond's interests, when we wrote her story into this fic world we decided we had to change it, it was very painful for me trying to write about it, and the bond in Question, Lily, agreed).
Miko's link with Lily is very very close - Tbh, Lily was born of Miko and another muse, Faro's remains, so Miko wants a say in whats happening. I'm coming to think that the base problem is that the changes we made were intended to make Lily much, much happier with the life she had to lead. And Miko, being a wolf, has instincts and values and morals that are clashing, as well as other things. Part of what happened is that Lily became pregnant - something Miko would always deny herself and isn't happy allowing whats left of her body to do this.
It's all a bit of a mess, really. I'm going to have to sit down on my own tonight and try and sort out everything to make them both happy.
xx

[chainsaw-hime.livejournal.com]

Delta was joking with a friend of hers earlier today that if she ever writes her memoirs, which rest assured would become the most f'ed up television show this side of the WB -- that she would have to personally... punish... anybody who tries to write slash about those characters that would be based upon real people...

A weird tangent, but an understandale one.

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

*noddles* muchly understandble.
I'm quite happy that for the last couple of hours, things have become quite settled. I could use the break :)
xx

[eternalism.livejournal.com]

*nods* I know what you mean about screwy memories with others fronting. It's a little odd. Whenever Brooke is awake for extended periods of time, and I "go to sleep", so to speak, time seems to pass funny. Hours could have gone by, and I'm only vaguely aware that maybe half an hour has passed. It's like remembering a dream, only much much fuzzier, like an unclear dream from over a year ago.

I don't mind it so much. Brooke's such a sweetheart, and Griffin (my roommate) wouldn't let anything bad happen to either of us, so I don't worry about time going screwy or my memory going wonky.

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

Wish I could trust Miko the same :)
xx

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

Fronting is not exclusive to anything. I don't know that your experience is commonplace, but we've had it.

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

I knew it wasn't exclusive, I just couldn't remember if it was an S'bonder thing or not. I knew it was a thing that some multiple systems can do though :)
xx

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure. I was out shopping with my parents for most of the night, and I was pretty safe with the trolley, and i didn't bite anybody who cut me up or was being a slowcoach. I did have thise very grumbly snarly feeling or Miko until about half way through the store, at which point i shifted her off me a bit.
It's so hard to explain, I really don't front or anything like that normally.
xx

[luciastorm.livejournal.com]

I know exactly what you mean by sub fronting. My partner has two others, and they both affect him when they are in bad moods. #2 especially makes him react to things in ways that he wouldn't normally and i can see it straight away when i see him being tugged about by the other two but most of the time my partner just says things like "I dont know what's going on with me" and things like that. This indicates to me that even though you noticed it when your other was manipulating your emotions in a way - some people do not and there may be occasions when others inside you mess about with how you feel and you do not know about it....kinda scary:S

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

*nod* If we discuss parts of the stories me and the boi write, occasionally i can feel the girl i'm talking about, what they're feeling. It's a great help when writing but it leaves me a bit drained tbh.
I wonder sometimes if the reason my internal mood swtich seems to be permanantly set at "low" is because i have so many in the system who were so traumatised/upset during their lives.
Even so, I wouldn't be without them. Any of them, even Karisma.
xx

[luciastorm.livejournal.com]

Yeah! He always complains of feeling tired and weak whenever one of the others has been twiddling switches in his body (a.k.a making him do things and influencing his actions)

He only has 3 which may be why it is possible for them to have so much control over him....it may also be slightly different as you are a soulbonder and they have already all lived before and stuff (is that right??)

xxxxluciaxxxx

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

Heh, i'm glad to hear it's not just me :) I get really emotionally blown out, i have done since my teens (coincidently i've been a bonder since my mid-teens too. spooky, maybe there is something in this then?)
I'm a sort of mixed system. I don't have any multiples, but a few of them are getting on their way to multiplicity, and Karisma is one of them :)
But other then that, yes, we started as (and are still mainly)a soulbonding system. There are over 30 of them, but they're not all always here (it'd be very crowded up there if they were!)
:D
xx

[ksol1460.livejournal.com]

"I don't have any multiples, but a few of them are getting on their way to multiplicity,..."

I think what you mean is that you don't have any people in your system whom you would characterize as fully independent selves?

Only you really sound like a multiple system, just with most of the people soulbonded in. That's not uncommon.

One of the definitions of multiplicity is that the other people take the body and take actions of their own in the everyday world. I've never been sure I believe that you have to have that in order to be multiple -- what about those sole-frontrunner systems? --, but in any case, if your people are doing that, you want some kind of way to make sure everyday work and responsibilities get done -- the same as a multiple system would do.

Ah, I probably made hash out of that 'cause I need to eat, but do you see where I'm going? I'll be happy to try to write it more clearly later if not.

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

I see them all as independant selves. The theory of my lot is that they're all soulds that have *lived* and then died. For some reason they then came to me.
Most of my bonds start off as muses, then gain a soul of their own, as if when i create the muse, a call goes out for a soul that matches/comes close. Thats the best way I can put it.
I'm not sure theres a line between multiplicity/soulbonding, to me it seems more a sort of sliding scale. Most of the girls remain bonds and never change; Just Karisma, occasionally Russet, Enigma and Rebekah seem to change. (i may be missing somebody out there, but thats the gist of it)
I have been told by a couple of multiple systems that i'm/we're very between the two states.
I've lost where i was. O_o;; I'm sorry if i didn't answer what you asked, I get very tied up in theory when I talk about all this :)
xx

[eternalism.livejournal.com]

I know something of what you're talking about, and have experienced it a bit before, though not on such a grand scale, I think. Knowing that it's you, but still feeling what the other feels, or acting the way they would, and so on. Sort of like water trickling through a crack in the dam, I'd guess. When you have someone else dwelling in your mind, it can be hard to keep them cooped up, and sooner or later, the may burst. Especially if the emotions involved are strong. It's like you just can't keep them in any more.

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

*nod* It worries me a lot, as I know Karisma has no problems with violence, and We don't get along with father-unit.
xx

[eternalism.livejournal.com]

Yikes. That could get nasty if it gets out of control!

I suppose the only advice I can offer is to talk to Karisma. Let her know that if she keeps spazzing like that, it could endanger things, and that's a Bad Thing. Dunno if that'll really help mch, and it sounds like the typical cop-out advice, but it's all I've got. :/

[bekkypk.livejournal.com]

To be honest, I find if i hide and give it time to run it's course, she loses interest and goes to investigate other things. It was just the one night i had really bad feelings and was kinda sub-fronting, the next night the anger had faded a little, the third night she'd lost interest. I'm not overly worried so long as she doesn't keep it up - i have tried to have words with her, mostly when she spazzed on me this time last year, but to all purposes, she is a humanised wild animal, and theres not much control i can exert over her.
xx