I have a problem.
Jan. 10th, 2005 07:26 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
eternalism.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
multiplicity_archivesHi. First time poster, short-time reader, but I've been somewhat interested in things of this nature for quite some time. And lately, I've been noticing a little bit of possibly multiple-activity going on within me.
It's quite a complicated story, as far as I know, and I'm hoping that mayhaps someone here can provide some feedback, insight, etc etc. Anything that may help.
To start with, I go by the name of Winter online, Ria in the real world. I'm also an avid role-player. That's sort of where this starts with me. I have a character who goes by Heaven. A male-turned-female transexual, a really sweetie, disturbingly cute sometimes. Soft-spoken. My voice, when I talk as her, gets higher in pitch and softer in volume.
Now comes the tricky bits. My roommate, whom I shall call Griffin, had a girlfriend a while back. Her soulmate, she believes. However, this soulmate of hers was a spirit inhabiting the body of another person. At the time, they didn't know about multiplicity or anything of the sort, and spent years trying to sort everything out. To make a long story short, the host got sick of the whole situation, denied my roommate access to her lover, and then cut off the friendship.
(I think I ought to make it clear at this point that while Griffin is physically female, she identifies more with being male. I suppose I ought to be calling 'her' 'he', but Griffin makes no big fuss about it, and doesn't mind too much what gender pronoun is used. I think.)
Somehow, we figure, Griffin's girlfriend made a jump to her body, and was living, as we put in, in her head. For years. No real sign of her being there beyond the feelings of certainty of a few people.
Anyway, the connecting factor in this is that Griffin's girlfriend is a lot like Heaven. Talks like her, acts a lot like her, the whole shebang. It was a little odd at first, when Heaven was just a chatacter, and we would joke a little about some of the similarities.
However, over the past little while, Heaven has become much more than just another character in my head. She's developped more personality, she talks outside of game sessions, etc etc. It's at the point where we've had to distinguish between game-Heaven and active-Heaven, as we call her.
I'm sorry if I'm not explaining this very well. I'm not very used to having to explain it.
Anyway, before Heaven became more of an active personality in my mind, I was able to pick up on the occasional thought or feeling from Griffin's girlfriend, inside her head. It's known that I have some gift of empathy, though I've no clue how strong it is. We chalked it up to my empathy when I picked up on stuff. We said that I was channelling bits of her girlfriend. No big deal to me. I didn't mind being a channel at all.
But lately, with Heaven coming more into play . . . Heaven has been acting more and more like Griffin's girlfriend. Behaving less like game-Heaven and becoming more, as I said, active-Heaven. Differences in personality, tastes, and so on.
Now, I'm not sure what it is. It's possible that Griffin's girlfriend hopped, skipped, and jumped out of Griffin's head and into mine, though we don't know why this would have happened. Possibly because they hadn't been able to communicate in all the years they'd been in the same body, for whatever reason. Maybe she took me as a good way to get to Griffin. I don't mind that thought so much. It's a little odd, but I'm certainly not going to be a bitch like her last host was.
There's also the possibility that Heaven is just a convenient outlet for the parts of Griffin's girl that I'm channeling. It's possible that she's still in Griffin right now, and I'm just sort of leeching off her, and giving her a small way to communicate without having to be in a seperate body.
It's also possible that this is all just psychosomatic on my part. I want Griffin to be happy and rejoined with her girlfriend so much that I'm trying to imitate her on some level, giving that level a name, and it's all just in my head and not real.
The problem is, we don't know how to tell. When it comes to things like this, we've all just had a history of groping blindly in the dark, not knowing what to do. Which is why I'm here, seeking advice.
Apparently, "Heaven has done a few things that are like Griffin's girlfriend, but that I didn't know about, leaning away from the psychosomatic theory. However, it could be coincidental. Griffin's told me a lot, so I could just be using all those bits and pieces and putting them together, and those actions could have been coincidental, but they just seemed like something she'd do.
See my dilema?
So I come to you with a question: How is it possible to tell? Is it possible to tell? I know that Heaven has a tie to Griffin, in a comfortable and even romantic sense, but again, possibly psychosomatic, and that still doesn't tell me if it's just a channel, or if she's using me as a host.
*sigh* I repeat myself too much, huh?
If I left anything unclear, feel free to ask,and I'll try to answer. Like I said, I've never really had to describe this, so I'm not sure of what may be important and what may not be. But I am seeking help, if anyone can give it.
Thanks for your time, and I look forward to more learning experiences here in this community.
It's quite a complicated story, as far as I know, and I'm hoping that mayhaps someone here can provide some feedback, insight, etc etc. Anything that may help.
To start with, I go by the name of Winter online, Ria in the real world. I'm also an avid role-player. That's sort of where this starts with me. I have a character who goes by Heaven. A male-turned-female transexual, a really sweetie, disturbingly cute sometimes. Soft-spoken. My voice, when I talk as her, gets higher in pitch and softer in volume.
Now comes the tricky bits. My roommate, whom I shall call Griffin, had a girlfriend a while back. Her soulmate, she believes. However, this soulmate of hers was a spirit inhabiting the body of another person. At the time, they didn't know about multiplicity or anything of the sort, and spent years trying to sort everything out. To make a long story short, the host got sick of the whole situation, denied my roommate access to her lover, and then cut off the friendship.
(I think I ought to make it clear at this point that while Griffin is physically female, she identifies more with being male. I suppose I ought to be calling 'her' 'he', but Griffin makes no big fuss about it, and doesn't mind too much what gender pronoun is used. I think.)
Somehow, we figure, Griffin's girlfriend made a jump to her body, and was living, as we put in, in her head. For years. No real sign of her being there beyond the feelings of certainty of a few people.
Anyway, the connecting factor in this is that Griffin's girlfriend is a lot like Heaven. Talks like her, acts a lot like her, the whole shebang. It was a little odd at first, when Heaven was just a chatacter, and we would joke a little about some of the similarities.
However, over the past little while, Heaven has become much more than just another character in my head. She's developped more personality, she talks outside of game sessions, etc etc. It's at the point where we've had to distinguish between game-Heaven and active-Heaven, as we call her.
I'm sorry if I'm not explaining this very well. I'm not very used to having to explain it.
Anyway, before Heaven became more of an active personality in my mind, I was able to pick up on the occasional thought or feeling from Griffin's girlfriend, inside her head. It's known that I have some gift of empathy, though I've no clue how strong it is. We chalked it up to my empathy when I picked up on stuff. We said that I was channelling bits of her girlfriend. No big deal to me. I didn't mind being a channel at all.
But lately, with Heaven coming more into play . . . Heaven has been acting more and more like Griffin's girlfriend. Behaving less like game-Heaven and becoming more, as I said, active-Heaven. Differences in personality, tastes, and so on.
Now, I'm not sure what it is. It's possible that Griffin's girlfriend hopped, skipped, and jumped out of Griffin's head and into mine, though we don't know why this would have happened. Possibly because they hadn't been able to communicate in all the years they'd been in the same body, for whatever reason. Maybe she took me as a good way to get to Griffin. I don't mind that thought so much. It's a little odd, but I'm certainly not going to be a bitch like her last host was.
There's also the possibility that Heaven is just a convenient outlet for the parts of Griffin's girl that I'm channeling. It's possible that she's still in Griffin right now, and I'm just sort of leeching off her, and giving her a small way to communicate without having to be in a seperate body.
It's also possible that this is all just psychosomatic on my part. I want Griffin to be happy and rejoined with her girlfriend so much that I'm trying to imitate her on some level, giving that level a name, and it's all just in my head and not real.
The problem is, we don't know how to tell. When it comes to things like this, we've all just had a history of groping blindly in the dark, not knowing what to do. Which is why I'm here, seeking advice.
Apparently, "Heaven has done a few things that are like Griffin's girlfriend, but that I didn't know about, leaning away from the psychosomatic theory. However, it could be coincidental. Griffin's told me a lot, so I could just be using all those bits and pieces and putting them together, and those actions could have been coincidental, but they just seemed like something she'd do.
See my dilema?
So I come to you with a question: How is it possible to tell? Is it possible to tell? I know that Heaven has a tie to Griffin, in a comfortable and even romantic sense, but again, possibly psychosomatic, and that still doesn't tell me if it's just a channel, or if she's using me as a host.
*sigh* I repeat myself too much, huh?
If I left anything unclear, feel free to ask,and I'll try to answer. Like I said, I've never really had to describe this, so I'm not sure of what may be important and what may not be. But I am seeking help, if anyone can give it.
Thanks for your time, and I look forward to more learning experiences here in this community.
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no subject
Date: 2005-01-11 12:03 am (UTC)I am generally an insecure person, so this may be why the question keeps coming back to me. But anyway, you've got nothing to worry about on that front, a ouple of people i know have doubts but always come back to this option and agree this fits.
I'm afraid i've lost my train of thought here O_o;;
Um yes. Anyway, they're nice here, i'm sure they can help you more then I have. Welcome! :)
xx
bekky...
Date: 2005-01-11 08:54 pm (UTC)Re: bekky...
Date: 2005-01-11 09:05 pm (UTC)The best way I can put it... because obviously everybody has different systems... Multiples are more then one mind per body, right? Soulbonding is almost like hosting somebody elses's soul for a while. I have no idea if that makes any sense, but thats what it's like to me. My girls, and the 2 lads, are around, but they're not a part of this body, they had their own bodies, their own lives. They're like extensions of the writer's muse, they're muses that have grown to react to what's happening with me.
Thats just my system though :D
xx
Re: bekky...
Date: 2005-01-11 09:30 pm (UTC)You can just tell me to shut up if i am being too nosey!
xxxxLuciaxxxx
Re: bekky...
Date: 2005-01-11 09:38 pm (UTC)xx
no subject
Date: 2005-01-11 03:53 am (UTC)